Monkey-Pirate-Robot-Ninja-Zombie: Rock Paper Scissors 9.0

Bored of the same tired old rock-paper-scissors (lizard-Spock)? Try Mark Rayner's variant: "Monkey-Pirate-Robot-Ninja-Zombie!"

Monkey
* Monkey fools Ninja
* Monkey unplugs Robot
Suggested noise: ee-ee-eek!
Robot
* Robot chokes Ninja
* Robot crushes Zombie
Suggested noise: ex-ter-min-ate!

Pirate
* Pirate drowns Robot
* Pirate skewers Monkey
Suggested noise: arrrrr!

Ninja
* Ninja karate chops Pirate
* Ninja decapitates Zombie
Suggested noise: keeee-ah!

Zombie
* Zombie eats Pirate
* Zombie savages Monkey
Suggested noise: braaaaaaaaaainsss!

How to Play Monkey-Pirate-Robot-Ninja-Zombie (Thanks, Mark!)

I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

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Anonymous

why does the robot say ex-ter-min-ate! ? I’ve never heard of a robot that says that
- Anonymous
  
  Doctor Who. Look it up. You’ll be a better person for it.
- Anonymous
  
  The daleks from Doctor Who say “Exterminate!”… but their not really robots. Their like ugly squid things inside a mechanical shell…
- JimEJim
  
  Clearly, you’re not watching enough Doctor Who.
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1e_PSSLULE
- Anonymous
  
  uhm…Doctor Who?
- Anonymous
  
  well he probably got idea from terminator when the terminators(robots) tried to kill the humans
- Anonymous
  
  From Dr Who.
  Its the Dalek bots
- Anonymous
  
  Because it’s a Dr. Who thing. There are robots called Daleks on Dr. Who and that’s what they say!
  - Felton
    
    In defense of the other Anonymous, maybe he/she just means that Daleks aren’t actually robots. They’re little blobby creatures stuck in pepper-pot shaped killing machines. ;-)
zuludaddy

I tip my hat to you, Mr. Rayner…

I thought I was clever back in school playing “Lemur, Poacher, Pterodactyl.”
- Anonymous
  
  You have to explain the logic and hand signs behind “Lemur, Poacher, Pterodactyl”. Because I need to play this game. :)
efergus3

http://www.umop.com/rps25.htm
weatherman

1) too complicated; better with just ninja, pirate, zombie
2) pirate should be more of a hooked finger
3) monkey? wtf?
- Anonymous
  
  complicated naee. This is just what is needed in vampire vtm larps.. lol perfect Malkavian
gdholtby

I always thought “Rock, Paper, Scissors, Spock, Lizard” was the easier 5-sign variation to remember.

It’s just like normal RPS with the addition of:

Scissors decapitate Lizard
Lizard eats Paper
Paper disproves Spock
Spock phasers Rock
Rock squishes Lizard
Lizard Poisons Spock
Spock smashes Scissors
Anonymous

Been there: http://www.samkass.com/theories/RPSSL.html

Done that: http://www.umop.com/rps101.htm
mjfgates

I guess it’s better than my least-favorite variant, rock-paper-scissors-kickintheballs. That’s a pretty low bar, though.
Anonymous

Ninja > Pirate?

This game has my seal of approval.
Anonymous

I pick Chuck Norris!

Hieee-YaHHH!

Round house kick to everthing.. what now?
Anonymous

NOTHING BEATS NINJA
Felton

Actual ninjas, of course, play “Fire, Earth, Water, Metal and Wood.”
Anonymous

At ultimate frisbee tournaments, a common variant is Bear-Ninja-Cowboy.

- Cowboy beats bear
- Bear beats ninja
- Ninja beats cowboy

Players stand back-to-back, walk three paces, turn and act out their choice. Cowboy draws pistols, ninja does a karate (ninja?) chop, bear roars – sound effects are a must. Committed players will fall to the ground when they are beaten.
k88dad

No doubt that those under the influence are going to have trouble forming the monkey gesture. And everyone knows that a ninja’s top skill is his stealth. Noise accompaniment is a bad idea, in general. If that were the case then I’d be tempted to use the zombie every time. Braaaaaaaains, indeed. I’d be way too easy to beat.
IWood

Clearly the work of Satan.
Anonymous

I’m a big fan of banana, steampunk, unicorn.
unicorn eats banana
steampunk slips on banana skin
steampunk bores unicorn to death
Josh

Obvious propaganda from the pro-ninja lobby.

Yarr.
Anonymous

http://www.umop.com/rps25.htm
Anonymous

umm, it looks like a pentagram. just sayin.
Anonymous

Does anyone else see an encircled pentagram??? Is boingboing satanic!!!???!!
Anonymous

Pssh – as any good ultimate player will tell you, the only worthy additions to rock-paper-scissors are fire and water.

Fire beats rock, paper, and scissors, but is beaten by water. Water loses to everything except fire.

The catch is you’re only allowed to use Fire once in your life (you can use water as much as you like). Hence, Fire is only pulled out for crucial rock-paper-scissors decisions, which makes getting your only Fire doused by Water all the more crushing
Anonyman

DALEKS ARE NOT MUTANTS
Anonymous

I remember catching an old episode of Friends once where there is a (joking) addition of Fire, which beats all of the original three. I always thought if you added Water, which can beat Fire, but is beaten by all of the original three, you would have a great game. It would add a lot more complexity to game play, but it would be very simple to remember – basically a circle within a circle.
Anonyman

I meant, they [i]are[/i] mutants, not robots. And not happy mutants at all.
Antinous / Moderator

You know who could play this solitaire?
- Felton
  
  That same person could also play 125 Finger Fillet.
Anonymous

The problem with this is that there are 2 things on there that beat ninja and one thing that ninja doesn’t beat. I find this to be most illogical.
Jordan

Interesting. I came up with the same RPS variant four years ago, and it’s made the rounds a few times, most notably on BuzzFeed. It seems improbable that he’d have come up with some actions (“zombie savages monkey,” “pirate skewers monkey,” “monkey fools ninja,” etc.). “Savages,” really? Who says that? Apart, I guess, from Mark and I.

Mark’s diagram is prettier, but I like my gestures better–what is his monkey gesture supposed to look like? I feel like I’m owed some credit here, not least because he’s making a few bucks on t-shirts, but it seems such a petty thing to try making demands over. So I’ll stick with posting a passive-aggressive comment on Boing Boing and wish Mr. Rayner the best.
Anonymous

This is illogical. Pirate beats robot, and robot beats ninja. Therefore, Pirate should beat ninja. But it doesn’t. The syllogism doesn’t work. (This can be looked at several different ways. Another example: Robot beats zombie and zombie beats monkey; therefore, robot should beat monkey, but it doesn’t.) It just doesn’t work. I don’t like it.
- Sioen
  
  No, in the original game, it makes a circle. Rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, so in your theory, therefore rock should beat paper.
  
  It only works as a game because it’s a circle. And these all work to form a circle.
  
  The only real problem is that everyone knows ninjas would never beat pirates.
Anonymous

Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! LOL it should have been THE Doctor in place of the monkey :)
Anonymous

Actually the Rock/Scissors/Paper/Fire/Water game is a bit more interesting from a game-theory point of view. It has less symmetry than the Robot/Pirate/Ninja/Monkey/Zombie game. The solution to the Fire/Water variation turns out to be: play each of Fire/Water 1/3rd of the time and each of Rock/Scissors/Paper 1/9th of the time.
Anonymous

Doctor Who reference scores major points in my book
jeremyhogan

No way does Ninja beat Pirate.
- Felton
  
  If all pirates can fight like this, then I believe you.
  - Anonymous
    
    Dude. That’s a ninja undercover as a pirate.
    - Felton
      
      Is it? I’m so gullible. :-D
- oldboy
  
  Yes way, pirates make too much noise with their peg-legs to stealth-attack like ninjas.
Deviant

Wow, Jordan @21. This looks like a near complete rip-off of your game (including diagram) from several years ago… I did notice that on Mark’s blog he never actually said he created it…
Rob

Don’t forget mushroom cloud
Bitgod

Monkey vs Robot
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_QsCXm1vrk
ackpht

I’m still working on how one drowns a robot.
Xeno

I think Bluebeard was stabbed several times as well as shot several times before actually dying from a VOLLEY of direct fire while being surrounded.

How the hell is ONE ninja going to take down a Pirate like that?
HOTDAMN

NO GOD DAMN WAY!

show me footage of a monkey killing a robot and i’ll give you a fucking thousand dollars
Anonymous

someone watches Doctor Who
“DALEKS ARE SUPREME!”
PushTheOtherButton

Now I know what I’ll demand for my bachelor party with my four groomsmen. Perfect! Forget the strip club….
Anonymous

Tin Foil > Microwave

Cat > Tin Foil

Microwave > Cat
Anonymous

@ANON #2. Exterminate is from Doctor Who. One of his enemies is a robot race called the Daleks. Their phrase of choice for any lesser being than a Dalek is “Exterminate!” Hope that explains the robots voice motives. lol!
Anonymous

suggested ninja sound: none!
Trotsky

I can’t take this game seriously if there is no cybercat.
microcars

You forgot “dynamite” (one finger)
On a recent episode of American Pickers (History Channel), they played Rock Paper Scissors with a women in Georgia to decide on a price. She had never played before and threw down one finger.

“We use dynamite for everything” she explained.