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Fake trailer for movie about Microsoft .NET vs Java

Mark Frauenfelder at 10:02 am Wed, Jun 30, 2010

Kindle

I wish "Java 4-Ever" was a real movie. (Mildly NSFW content at approximately 2:40)

Mark Frauenfelder is the founder of Boing Boing and the editor-in-chief of MAKE and Cool Tools. Twitter: @frauenfelder. Come and hear Mark speak at the ALA conference in Chicago on July 1.

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Cuntress

“Goddamnit!” – William Windows
cory

“What are you boys doing?” “Just looking at some porn.”

I chuckled.
glaborous immolate

the funniest part was the Windows shutdown tone when the kid announces he uses Java at dinner.
Alex_M

Yeah, bear in mind that this is from Norway, where they’re not as uptight about sex and nudity as the US is.

(And given that Scandinavian society has not collapsed into hedonism and debauchery, one can ask what the purpose of upholding these prudish attitudes are, anyway)

Anyway, I thought it was funny. In a geeky way.
bjacques

I watched this with the sound off, and thought it was filmed in Minnesota!
jamiethehutt

That was truly epic. :-P

And safe for work.
dfletcher

Pfft all you high-level language users are a joke. The future is training thousands of monkeys (the simian kind, not the codemonkey human kind) at typewriters to write machine language!

After that I’m working on a way to get them to mine diamonds.

Wait no maybe this was a bad idea! Dear god, what is that he’s flinging?!
- Trent Hawkins
  
  “After that I’m working on a way to get them to mine diamonds.
  
  Wait no maybe this was a bad idea! Dear god, what is that he’s flinging?!”
  
  Quick! Hide Bruce Campbell!
thebelgianpanda

No, no, you’ve got it all wrong–coders that write in Perl are the ones getting laid. I have proof. And maybe some Python coders if they’d ever take a bath.

*runs and hides*
arkizzle / Moderator

“Maybe some people, like me, work for an organization that cares for sexually abused kids.”

/missing the relevance
- Anonymous
  
  The relevance is that it would be completely inappropriate for one of those kids or one of my colleagues to find me watching something like that in my office. The NSFW tag allows me to avoid an inappropriate situation at work, and instead watch this clip (and the masturbating primates) at home. :)
Anonymous

Interesting lead in with an argumentum ad populum / appeal to spite. I’m not sure what it had to do with my original suggestion. I didn’t personally make C#, so I’m not taking offense (perhaps I should have said engineers similar me created C#).

I laud you for having made an educated decision to choose Java for the reasons you stated.

I hope you can agree, though, that some customers don’t care about vendor lock-in (or would prefer the perceived stability that a large corporation brings to the technologies they create); other options may work well, or better, for these companies than Java.

In the end, I feel you may have missed my point. By focusing on the “fact” that C# is simply a java clone (something I personally disagree with, given the latest release), you appear to have done exactly that which I was advising against: making categorical assumptions based on what is popular thinking.

To anyone still reading this thread… Look into each technology, and decide for yourself! If it’s Perl or LUA, LISP or VB, C or C++, Java or C#, more power to you!
the Other michael

that’s pretty much a standard “pair-programming” technique — helps spot errors in the code without a dedicated code review [and putting 5+ developers in a conference room for more than an hour*].

If only the U.S. were less prudish about things like this, we wouldn’t have so much buggy software forced upon the rest of the world.

*uh, yeah. Please don’t film that scene.
JonStewartMill

I am in love with ‘Scala Johansson’.
Anonymous

Excellent background music choices. Can anyone compile a list off the top of their heads?
- spidermatt
  
  Not off the top of my head and not complete:
  
  1. Dead Already by Thomas Newman (American Beauty)
  2. Revolution Now by Helloween
  3. unknown movie soundtrack clip (repeats)
  4. Happy Together by The Turtles
noahz

That movie would be awesome…back in 2002. Ruby version arriving in 3…2…

PS – NSFW content at approximately 2:40. Heads up would have been nice.
thecheat

Probably more upbeat than Lilya 4-Ever.
RedMonkey

The doggy-style programming made me laugh – but yes it’s probably is NSFW.
MollyMaguire

Depending on where you work, I guess the whole thing could be NSFW.
Chentzilla

I thought the sex scene was rather distasteful. Made the trailer step from plausible to absurd.
- jonathan29
  
  I fast forwarded to the sex scene and stopped watching when it was over.
- CaPtAiN KiDd
  
  To some people yes, but I found that watching it with a sense of humor makes the doggy-style programming at 2:44 absolutely hilarious.
  
  Although, persinally, might misspell “cout” a few times :-/
- Glenn Fleishman
  
  That was a fully clothed Pilates workout. You have a dirty mind.
  - Chentzilla
    
    That’s what SHE said!
joe

As much as I like bashing MS, I just can’t stomach the thought that I have two choices in this world, Java or .NET. They both suck, .NET because it’s MS and Java well, because it’s Java.

Yes, I program in Java everyday. I long for the return of C++ in my life.

As for the sex, what? Yall haven’t coded while boinking a girl doggie style? Heathens! Of course C++ programmers do it with Class!
- Anonymous
  
  you long for the return of pointers? i think you’ve forgotten the reason we invented computers in the first place.
- Anonymous
  
  If you like Java, yet long for the return of C++… maybe you should give C# a try.
  
  Don’t make decisions because of unfounded beliefs and what you’re told is ‘cool.’ Just as the video says… experiment for yourself and find your own path.
  
  Fair disclosure: I do work for Microsoft. I just believe you should use the best tool for the job. C# has a lot going for it, and it’d be a shame if you glossed it over just because people like me created it.
  - Cheqyr
    
    Microsoft didn’t “make” C# … they ripped it off from Java. The whole damned industry knows it, and I’m sure most BB’ers are smart enough to know it too.
    
    You say you believe in using the best tool for the job. Well, my job as a good engineer (and open-source author/advocate) is to maximize portability across different platforms, and to minimize vendor lock-in.
    
    So for enterprise applications, the best tool for my job is Java.
    - Anonymous
      
      @Cheqyr
      
      Though I loathe Java, your comment is the only one with a legitimate argument for using it.
jermismo

Knock knock.
– Who’s There?
…
…
… …
… … …
… … … …

JAVA!
Anonymous

3. “Requiem for a Dream” – Kronos Quartet
wylkyn

Microsoft programmers are nerdy and fat while Java programmers are hip and get laid. Wow…that’s some subtle commentary there. Sounds like someone is trying to be like Apple. *eyeroll*
querent

Voltaire reportedly used his lover’s back as a writing desk. Which I have always found Epic.
tim

Of course C++ programmers do it with Class!

No. No, they don’t. A language that allows you to do the obscene things that are commonly perpetrated in C++ is most certainly not any sort of OOPL.

If you don’t want to believe me for some strange reason, perhaps you might consider Alan Kay’s opinion, since he invented the term in the first place.

C++ is history repeated as tragedy. Java is history repeated as farce.
osmo

Oh stop being such prudes “NSFW”? Where do you work – Christian Daycare Center?

Why is it ok in the US to see people shot to bits but not two people fucking? And you didnt even see anything!

I thought it was fun.
- Anonymous
  
  Maybe some people don’t want to get called into their HR office to answer to a complaint from a prudish co-worker. Maybe some people, like me, work for an organization that cares for sexually abused kids. Maybe there are many other reasons.
  How, exactly, did those 4 letters ruin your enjoyment of the clip?
caxwl

All your base are belong to Fortran.
Rob Beschizza

I was just complaining about how Adobe turned actionscript from a nice fun easy language into a Java clone, so that it could take over the world just like Sun did.