Iran declares war on mullets, ponytails for men; approves of hair gel and Elvis 'dos

Iran's ministry of culture has released a catalog of government-approved hair styles, in an effort to eliminate the menace of "decadent Western cuts." According to the Islamic Republic News Agency, forbidden 'dos include ponytails, mullets and spiky hair. But styles resembling those of Elvis Presley, Simon Cowell, or eighties-era floppy fringes are totally fine. Also, hair gel in moderation is acceptable. With the exception of goatees, facial hair is frowned upon.

Remember now, just months ago an Iranian cleric decreed: "Many women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes." Wonder what disasters the verboten hairdos for men cause?

More: France 24, Reuters (image: Reuters)



  1. But…how are the most manly of men supposed to flaunt their machismo if they can’t sport a wicked-crazy mullet?

  2. But what about “Beatley” hair. As I recall, having a mop-top was one of the things that would bring the whip-wielding morality police down on you in Afghanistan back when the Taliban was the official government.

  3. Wait, “With the exception of goatees, facial hair is frowned upon?” That can’t be right. The official in the picture has a full beard, as does Ahmadinejad, and most Iranian clerics do as well.

    1. That’s what I was thinking too. Maybe it’s the other way around. Beards are okay except for goatees which are too crazy-beatnik, satanic, Bolshevik and Jewish.

  4. @Xeni… There is a possibility of a landing strip lighting storm that could knock out power and other essential services… you really need to take these things more seriously!

  5. You have to remember this is the same government that considers men’s neck ties to be a symbol of Christianity. (Ever notice Ahmadinejad never wears a tie? Do a Google image search and you’ll see what I mean.)

    1. A lot of observant Muslims (myself included) wear our beards and moustaches in a certain way as part of a religious beliefs. To tar all of us a “Islamic fundamentalists” is a little insensitive. :) There are some sketchy details on wikipedia if you’re interested

      I’m a little sceptical about the article in general given the amount of misinformation that’s generally there in the media. A ban on facial hair would put the current Ayatollah and their president on the wrong side of the law.

      1. Wikipedia is infinitely sketchy – possibly someone who knows the real rules for observant or fundamentalist Muslims could alter that Wiki page for the better? :)

        1. Well, I used to but it’s extremely time consuming and the edit wars are no fun at all. I retired. :)

  6. Their president imitates the west by wearing business suits and his hair parted down the side, newscaster style, and they say the intent is NOT to look Western?

  7. “Facial hair is frowned upon”?

    Have they seen a picture of their President?

    Is it possible this article is a fraud, like the one a couple years ago claiming the Iranian parliament had passed a law requiring Jews to wear identifying clothing?

    1. It’s goatees, not beards in general, that were unacceptable. The Reuters article says, “Most of the models are clean-shaven although one picture features a man with a goatee beard, previously frowned upon by Iran’s conservative clerics.”

      On the subject of ties, wearing one is deemed to be unacceptable Western dress, while the absense of a tie is enough to count as non-Western. Except for clerics, I don’t get the impression that Iranian men wear traditional dress in everyday life.

    2. Yeah, I reckon the photo is actually of Treadstone discussing their new Jason Bourne style international assassins. Check out the top right guy, you can tell he’s well got some moves. Imagine the middle-right guy comin’ at ya with his hair.

  8. Hmmm…does the Texas GOP have a section on acceptable hair styles? I honestly think that the GOP, deep-down, is actually envious of Iran.

    1. It’s not so deep down. Policing a minority’s institutional morality by law, and pruning the rights available to women (except by proxy of a husband), are pretty common themes.

      So is, curiously, authoritarian control over personal lives.

  9. “Wonder what disasters the verboten hairdos for men cause? ”

    Nothing. A mullet *is* a disaster.

  10. as an Iranian , I suggest all of you read 1984 to understand Iran situation and all these dummy rules, Big brother, endless wars, party, hate week and CONTROL.

  11. If you can’t control their thoughts
    At least you can control their look.
    Personally, IMHO it would be worse if they decreed that all people MUST wear mullets: but I digress.
    I mean, why should people care
    If they have to cut their hair…

    All that beautiful hair:

    But oddly I had always thought that Persians had a “special relationship” with hair.
    I don’t know why. Perhaps this news confirms that. Or does it?

  12. Oh thank Christ they have left the pomade be.
    I mean, praise Allah, for that.
    Tell me, is the porting of pomanders still permitted? Or do they propose prohibiting this, too?

  13. “Does anyone your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking.”

  14. What disasters can verboten styles of men’s hair do? I’m pretty sure they can cause hair on the palms, or in worst cases, blindness.

  15. “Wonder what disasters the verboten hairdos for men cause?”

    What, like having mullets around isn’t punishment enough?

  16. “Hey Iran, you can have my Mullet when you pry it from my cold, dead, scalp” Eric Contakos, American, Patriot, and proud Mullet Enthusiast

  17. Now that I ponder the genius, Iranian cleric’s words I DO see a corrolation between sexy women – earthquakes – and California (California girls are unforgettable…)
    I used to think it was the faultline but now it’s obvious it was their fault.

Comments are closed.