Terrorist Sorcerers Are Coming To Rape Our Cars, warns Florida senate candidate

Link, and the other Link. Also, alternate NSFW link. (via @DrewAtHitFix)

More like this.

• [Anonymous]

  The number 1 website for Sorcery Rape, according to Google, is now Boing Boing.

• [Von Haus]

  Ah, I see.

  I managed to read the headline as cats not cars.

  Damn you shocked cat and your misleading ways.

• [chaosaddict]

  He not only warned the Florida Senate Candidate, he warned the other 49 US governors too. Is this a viral marketing campaign or just another internet crazy guy? Reminds me a lot of the timecube.com site.

• [Anonymous]

  That reminds me of a joke:

  A minister on vacation checks into a motel and tells the motel clerk, “I sure hope your porn station is disabled.”

  The clerk looks at him with a whithering stare and says, “No, you sicko, it’s just your normal everyday porn.”

• [Gorgonzola]

  Sorry, “write in” candidates don’t count. Thanks for playing.

• [Chuck]

  >“The sorcerer can enter your world, and cut your behind when you sit on the toilet to dispose of your food, to make it seem like a normal thing, but in reality it is a sorcerer attacking.”

  Now that’s just crazy talk.

  Nobody would have a rectum if the sorcerers didn’t drop by to make that cut — we wouldn’t be able to dispose of our food, otherwise.

  Paiboon Sunthonchart Jr. must not have been paying attention when the sorcerer cut his rectum for him.

  • [Anonymous]

    I think he is talking, euphemistically, about hemorrhoids or other rectal bleeding not the bio-magical creation of the anus.

• [Laura P]

  I realize that Florida and Nevada are different states, but I was still somehow expecting this story to be about Sharron Angle.

• [Mitch]

  What, you mean the guys on I Humped Your Hummer?
  http://www.ihumpedyourhummer.com/blog/category/video/

• [Ahoj]

  I swear I’ve seen this dragon on car action on Warren Ellis’s website before (perhaps when it was diepunyhumans).

  at least I know I’ve read about car fetishes and lizard fetishes there before.

  • [Gilbert Wham]

    Jalopnik covered something similar a while back. Better(?) art, though.

• [notasheep]

  Well… the guy’s nuts. I work at a newspaper and get weird rants like this occasionally. You know, it’s conspiracy this, nanobot attack that. It’s nothing that psychiatric pharmaceuticals and, in this particular case a better ESL class, wouldn’t help.

  I’m a little sad that this poor disturbed guy’s views are aired here. He’s not an endorsed candidate, affiliated with a party, after all. He’s just a raver.

  Now, if you get the Republican nomination for the Senate from the state of Nevada, well, your batshit crazy views are more than fair game.

• [Jack]

  Maybe mankind’s only hope against car raping Sorcerers is anal probing Aliens?

• [malthusan]

  I came for the sorcerers raping cars. I stayed for the dragons raping cars.

• [Anonymous]

  lol His letter feels like I’m reading Engrish.

• [brix]

  ok, i’m in.

  how do we get this guy elected?

• [Anonymous]

  http://robotchicken.wikia.com/wiki/Horny_Robot_Redux

• [Stefan Jones]

  I’m not a sorcerer, but in high school there was this totally hawt AMC Pacer and you could just tell it wanted it and one day it was unlocked and . . .

  • [Xopher]

    Yeah right. You raped a car and yet you want us to believe you’re not a sorceror?!?! Isn’t that like saying “I’m not gay or anything, I just like sucking cock and getting my ass fucked”?

    • [Felton]

      What, you think everyone who is attracted to cars is a sorcerer? This stereotype has got to stop. Some of us just find them irresistible. Especially muscle cars. Aaawww, yeah!

• [Anonymous]

  This guy sounds like he spends his weekends talking to himself in libraries.

  I also like how he says witchcraft is a crime. I didn’t know the nation’s job was to protect the superior status of Christianity.

  His fetish for “in god we trust” on money and the pledge were never part of the nation originally. They were all added by busybodies.

• [Anonymous]

  I so want to read that novel. The question is, is it going to be done seriously, or as a parody?

• [nehpetsE]

  I hate it when i take my car to get raped, and i can’t remember which side of the dragon to pull up on.

• [Xopher]

  You know what, I’m getting SICK of this irrational prejudice against sorcerors. Yes, some of us—I mean, some sorcerors do rape cars but they’re a tiny minority of the largely peaceful, non-shall-we-say-autoerotic sorceror community. Nor do most sorcerors condone attacking anuses during evacuation.

  The trouble is that the sorcery community lacks an official code of ethics which can be published and formally subscribed to, to defuse these prejudices. There’s a group working on putting that code together even as I write this.

  Yes, they’re compiling the sorceror code…

• [Chocolatey Shatner]

  He is not on the list of candidates for office in Florida.

  • [Xopher]

    No doubt because complying with the rules for ordinary people will play right into the hands of the evil sorcerors.

    I’m not at all surprised that he calls himself a candidate without filing the necessary paperwork. Not unusual for total nutbars.

• [Anonymous]

  That explains why the Prius have acceleration issues. It’s trying to get away from the sorcerers.

• [fnc]

  It’s official, the TimeCube political party does exist.

  • [nehpetsE]

    I heart time cube.
    Must have been almost decade since i last thought of it. Thank you for reminding me!

• [ackpht]

  Seriously- a Pacer?

• [markbellis]

  So that’s why Frodo didn’t borrow Bilbo’s TransAm to go to Mordor…F*ckin Horny Gandalf…

• [mdh]

  OMGandalf is OMG!

• [Antinous / Moderator]

  Hopefully Jo Rowling will sue for plagiarism.

• [Anonymous]

  i have to say, i absolutely LOVE shocked cat. thanks for keeping him going!!

  • [Jack]

    Shocked cat is teh best!

• [Antinous / Moderator]

  Since the first link is boinged, here are some dragons raping cars. The link is safe, but the individual links show lots of slimy dragon cock.

  • [peterbruells]

    Hmm… why do you think the cars are being raped?

• [gabrielm]

  I have had the number one most looked at website out of over a million websites, when looking up “Sorcery Rape” and google.com

  Not for long…

  • [Heartfruit]

    I couldn’t help myself, I Googled “Sorcery Rape”, 8 links above his. Several of which seem to predate this story being circulated. The number one slot was a March 2009 blog by someone who found a poster presumably from Mr. Sunthonchart: http://www.revmiami.com/2009/03/protest-stop-sorcery-rape/

    • [Xopher]

      I love the fact that the poster there actually went over to the “media event” and no one was there! And he wondered if they were out to lunch…of course they were out to lunch. Anyone who believes in sorcery rape is permanently out to lunch!

• [Phikus]

  I’m really disappointed that Boing Boing would run a story about terrorist sorcerers coming to rape our cars as if this were just too funny. If you’re so hip and think you’re so “all that” that terrorist sorcerers coming to rape our cars don’t mean a thing to you anymore, you’ve got serious problems.

  • [Xeni Jardin]

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHAH

    • [Phikus]

      Credit goes to robulus.

      brix and Stephan Jones: I am grateful a beverage was nowhere near my keyboard or mouth when I read your comments.

      With his name and platform, surely he is a candidate for the Silly Party.

• [ackpht]

  Frustrate a dragon- buy a Tesla.

• [sdmikev]

  which orifice on the car would a sorcerer rape on a car?

  • [Brainspore]

    Get your staff out of my tailpipe, you sicko!

• [tkdead]

  I’m glad Xeni discovered that cat picture. I’ma head over to 4chan’s /b/ so I can find out what she’ll think is improbably funny in two years.