Candwich = sandwich in a can

A strange new food product called the Candwich is currently at the center of a SEC lawsuit involving a Utah money manager and his investment failures.

Candwich main page [via NY Times]

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Anonymous

Oh God you mean I have to open the can !!!
millionpoems

Is this the famous patented crustless peanut butter and jelly sandwich that turns up in histories of intellectual property law?
- Muse
  
  #40 No, that is the infamous Smuckers Uncrustable
  http://www.core77.com/materials/uncrustables.jpg
  
  Apparently, a lot of people think PB&J is just way too labor intensive. I love that Uncrustables come frozen, so you have to wait 30 min to defrost something that would take 1 minute to make.
  
  Also Smuckers sells PB&J in a jar. http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51HHNt3%2Bb6L._SL500_AA300_.jpg
  
  I guess no one uses jelly or peanut butter alone anymore.
Muse

Nothing says lazy like PB&J in a can. Is this what the future looks like? If so, why stop there? We should really embrace this apathy. Chewing always seems like such a chore. From now on, everything should be pre-blended and come in unnecessary packaging. I propose Thanksgiving dinner in a can. Why slave for hours over a hot stove, when you could blend turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy and sip the tepid slurry from a can?

I am waiting for the investors to beat a path to my door. I am sure they will be here any minute.
SeamusAndrewMurphy

Canned sandwiches = over the top.

I can’t think of any more disgusting food item to can than is already available. There is only room left for ridiculous non-food items.

How about a twelve ounce can of Prozac pills?

Why not I-Phones in a can? Forget ATT, just pick one up at Stop & Shop.

Cripe, just stick T-shirts in a soda can. Underwear? Faux pearls? DIY chemotherapy?

How about a ship in a bottle in a can?

This is what results when corporations and their myopic focus groups trump civilization.

Consumer culture fail.
- Andor
  
  Already:
  
  http://bit.ly/aDQWU7
  
  :D
Sparrow

Reply to @apoxia @dbarak

I’ve tried welding goggles to cut onions. The #20 glass lens is a bit blunt for the task, but it does work. It doesn’t help to prevent crying while cutting onions. It’s just so sad, the poor things, hacked to pieces in their prime.

Liquid bread in a can has been done before, it’s called beer.
Anonymous

I thought [Candwich] = Sandwich made out of candy

…I guess this just adds on to the disgust of the actuality of the product lulz
Amsterdaam

Wonder if they had anything to do with the Cheeseburger in a can:

http://www.avclub.com/articles/taste-test-cheeseburger-in-a-can,2183/

Or perhaps Tactical Bacon:

http://gizmodo.com/5346206/tactical-canned-bacon-will-be-edible-for-10-years
Stefan Jones

The little girl up top is happy because she doesn’t yet realize that canned sandwiches means her mommy just . . . doesn’t . . . care.

The guy with the backpack will of course carry his empty sandwich can all the way back out to the trailhead. Of course.

Joe Construction Foreman at the bottom is writing out his suicide note. Canned PB&J for the fifth day in a row can only mean she’s seeing someone else.
- Patrick Dodds
  
  I’m guessing you don’t write advertising copy for a living Stefan?
  - Stefan Jones
    
    *Sigh* Not any more.
Brainspore

This ‘wichcraft is an affront to nature.
rebdav

So are we supposed.. to.. drink.. this…??
Ito Kagehisa

Reminds me of the various kinds of cake in a can that you’d occasionally find in C-rations.
snakedart

On the plus side, eating the can might replenish some valuable electrolytes.
benher

Just looks like more landfill fodder. To blondie-mcGee in the upper right hand photo – make your own dang sammich!
Anonymous

I am not averse to crappy BBQ sandwiches.
eviladrian

I hope they leave some money for the lawsuit Cadbury is gonna serve them for that logo (or is it Wonka?)
Anonymous

Finally, something I can eat with this drink!
(peanut flavored Jamaican irish moss drink)

http://www.roboppy.net/food/2009/02/why-did-i-drink-that-irish-moss-peanut-drink.html
Anonymous

that chicken looks FUCKED UP.
Kip

It looks like Lunchballz is becoming more and more likely. http://lunchballz.com
Anonymous

The bad thing is, I would probably try the BBQ Chicken one if it was available. Wonder if you have to microwave it first. Mmmm, cold almost sandwich-like BBQ Almost chicken Almost bread in a can!

Truthfully, though, just grab a lunchable and be done with it.
defunctdoormat

Words fail me. Utterly.

Although I thought ‘meat-twinkie’ was pretty funny!

I already know that any food product that BB shows is gonna be horrible and inedible, so it doesn’t even affect my appetite any more!
rawdiant

Funny, just a couple of posts earlier, we were all concerned with the carbon footprint of a banana. You could probably monomeal on bananas for a month & not touch the carbon footprint of a single canned BBQ chicken sandwich.
- Jerril
  
  … I’m afraid you lost me at “monomeal on bananas for a month”. My stomach hurts just thinking about it.
Lobster

Wow. Strawberry PBJ, Grape PBJ, and BBQ chicken… One of these things is not like the others.
Anonymous

Augh the BBQ Chicken one looks like a meat-twinkie…
Anonymous

Did you see Candwich’s Twitter???? HILARIOUS!
Felton

What no Manwich in a Candwich? :-d
Xenu

This makes me want to barf… that’s the last time I read BB while eating!
- xander
  
  The BBQ Chicken looks the most repulsive.
Cynical

I particularly like the way it has to call itself “sandwich product”, like just “sandwich” by itself is way too strong a statement to make about it…
johnnyaction

MMM. Almost Food Products full of preservatives and things you can’t pronounce. I bet after a while in the can the can flavor really comes through.

I don’t see how this can fail really. It appeals to American’s innate laziness. They already sell lunchables and pre-cut onions in a tub so you don’t have to actually cut/dice vegetables anymore.
- jenjen
  
  I buy precut onions (frozen, not in a tub) because my eyes are so sensitive to onion cutting fumes that chopping em makes me look like I’ve been smoking pot all weekend. With pinkeye.
apoxia

Swimming goggles work well for cutting onions – the fumes can’t get in. You could go on a chopping spree and freeze them yourself. That’s how I make garlic paste (without the goggles!) :)

On the topic of the candwich, they look disgusting enough on the photograph on the can. Imagine what the actual product must look like!
- dbarak
  
  Have you actually TRIED swimming goggles to cut onions? They’re not nearly sharp enough. I tried using my reading glasses once and it almost worked because the rims are pretty skinny. But then like an idiot I put them on without rinsing them off first (the reading glasses, not the onions).
Blue

I still prefer Pizza in a Cup.
IronEdithKidd

At one time I had a collection of canned “food” oddities. This product would have fit in nicely.

Nothing says inedible like ________ in a can.
millrick

i was wondering why they didn’t use the more easily pronounceable term “canwich”, but apparently that word is already used to describe an “hydraulic sandwich”

my life would be so much smaller without the interweb to educate me in the ways of the world
Bevatron Repairman

I sat next to a long-haul Canadian trucker on an airplane once and we got to talking survival stuff. He said that he kept a rack of dogfood in the back of his cab, on the theory that if he were ever survival-hungry, he’d eat the stuff, but he’d never be tempted to sneak one out like he might do with a bunch of granola bars. It would be there. I don’t know whether I’d *eat* this before dogfood, but I’d probably open it up first.
- millrick
  
  i doubt that a candwich would have much nutritional value, so it likely wouldn’t fend off starvation too long
Anonymous

Haha, just saw this on The Colbert Report today. Awesome :D
JessK

Finally! Making PB & J’s is just so time consuming.