Xeni Jardin at 8:42 pm Thu, Jul 22, 2010
ADVERTISE AT BOING BOING!
Enjoy the totally non-NSFW video titled "Dildo Knight Destroys Opponent."
So, I used to drive a lot. Boyfriend 40 miles away. Parents 60 miles. Work way far away in the recession of the early 90s and me just out of school, grateful to have a job. Needy bastards, all.
I drove a little Honda Civic hatchback, one of the greatest cars ever produced, which finally met its demise last year when some asswipÃ© in a big truck, on a small cellphone, rear-ended me and slammed me into the car in front. Insurance naturally wouldn’t pay to repair it and totalled it. (But if you find one of those cars ’88-’91, BUY IT. I was still getting roughly 38 miles to the gallon (in the city!). And the storage space. “Good God!” in James Brown’s voice. You can move half a small apartment in one trip with the seats down.)
Anyway, my oft-wished and oft-voiced desire was for a very flexible, long dildo which I could swing from the driver’s seat to go “SWACK” up against the passenger window when someone flipped me off or was otherwise being a twat. (British pronunciation to rhyme with cat and loosely, SWACK!)
Now that dildoes have evolved and the silicon, googey, softy has become quite popular, I’m thinking it’s time to get back to Good Vibrations and look for the model featured in the above video. Perfect length. And perfect effect. SSS-WACK!!
Look up Zeta Creations and see if Thor, in the Gel>Equine section is to your liking, it’s got more of a home defence than self pleasure look. You can get it in a variety of firmness levels and it’s 24″ long and 5″ in diameter at it’s widest point. The site’s full of damn good toys.
Ever since I got my first look at some of the monsters available at the adult video store, and once I’d come to grips with my inadequacy, I knew that they’d make a fairly effective melee weapon in a pinch.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Conway Twitty!
oh no, oh no
i can’t believe that it’s true
oh no, oh no
i can’t believe that we’re through
you tell me it’s over and done
you say that you had all your fun
but i can’t believe you’ll be gone
as soon as i hang up the phone
Does Clifford Geertz know about this?
I wonder, with the dildo hitting his helmet like that, did it go “DONG!”?
Boom! Money shot!
Didn’t I see this in Mad Max?
That is one rugged dildo. Even the most sex crazed person couldn’t wear that baby out.
That is an epic sausage slap. It could be I’m getting old but they really seem underprotected to be doing that. Nobody wants their Obit to read “Died from broken neck when he was slapped in the face by giant rubber penis..”
:19 — On one side or the other, I think we’ve all been there.
This has potential. Gladiators meets strip wrestling?
Ah, yes. The ever-devastating “Wamp Stamp”, as we’d call it ’round these parts.
Well, guess that brings new meaning to “coldcocked”.
he sure got hosed.
That is-a no dildo, I say in Chico Marx voice, that-a is-a gooey-duck.
no “lock, stock and two smoking barrels” remark so far?
it would be mean of course to wish for the noble knight to have a jaw broken in this incident. but still – would looove to see the emergency room patient form filled in….
Okay that fully re-affirms Boingboing as a directory of wonderful things. I’ve never seen a knight get grounded from a head shot by a monster dildo.
We… must be living in the future now? Right?
Let me be the first to point out that dildos are not solely for female home use. Plenty of us boys are into dildos too.
Cab’t wait for â€œDildo Knight Shredded By Rape-aXe.â€
I guess ‘cock-fighting’ now has yet another meaning…
Or would this be “faux-cock-fighting”?
When I was in high school we’d get drunk at a friends aunts house whom he was house sitting for. On more than one occasion he got her french tickler out and attempted to rub it in our faces. We never took up arms on the other side, I’m sure we could have found a dildo, we just ran. You never got too drunk over there.
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