Transvestite had sex with dog in English castle moat

From Britain's Daily Telegraph:

The cross-dressing man was caught with the animal in the dry moat of King Henry VIII's Pendennis Castle overlooking Falmouth Bay in Cornwall. ... As the two ladies spotted the cross dresser he ran away. Later one of [their] dogs chased after the man; by the time the women had caught up, the man was having sex with the pet. Castle staff then restrained the man while police were called.

The gent was cautioned by police for "outraging public decency." Transvestite had sex with a dog at English Heritage castle [Telegraph]

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The Snowden Principle

bklynchris

OK, all joking (some funny some just not).

There is a HUGE, really, really big difference between a dude in a dress and a transvestite.

The headline is potentially offensive to transgender community. Something I used to role my eyes at, but seeing it bandied about here in relation to dog f*cking, I get it.
- nutbastard
  
  “There is a HUGE, really, really big difference between a dude in a dress and a transvestite.”
  
  No there isn’t, there’s a big difference between a dude in a dress and a *transsexual*.
  
  From the transvestite wiki:
  
  “Transvestism (also called transvestitism) is the practice of cross-dressing, which is wearing the clothing of the opposite sex. ”
Baldhead

“But I’m a lady!”
- Felton
  
  Hah! The reference didn’t hit me right away, but I got it.
Enormo

Thank you, Suprise Kat!
Anonymous

That was no transvestite that the was ghost of Benny Hill!
Anonymous

Ahead of the curve to break the latest RNC senatorial scandal…

on a separate note, the Captcha test for this was “Yorkshire trauma”
Halloween Jack

Speaking of aristocrats… didn’t anyone else find it peculiar that the usually-not-hesitant-to-name-names English press didn’t name the perp? I’m guessing that it was a member of the House of Lords.
MooseDesign

He probably lulled the poor hound into a false sense of security with le moat juste!
i_prefer_yeti

“Walkies!”
Phikus

Ok, so a transvestite and a dog walk into a castle…
- Felton
  
  Hehe! ‘Bout time you got to this wacky thread.
  - Phikus
    
    I’m sure there’s more humor to be wrung out of this, as Nutbastard just proved.
    - Felton
      
      At least most of the humor so far isn’t too off-collar.
      - Phikus
        
        This incident is gonna dog him for the rest of his days.
nutbastard

it’s not his fault, he has a bad case of rapies.
- Phikus
  
  Is that what the frothing at the mouth was about?
Raj77

A caution happens after arrest. However, I’m not quite sure why he was let off with that.
journalist

This story reminds me of a transvestite I once spoke to that told me about a guy she met on a horrendous fetish transexual/transvestite alternative website called Birchplace he had fantasies about watching someone shag his pet alsation what kind of sick world are we living in ? Though these posts are jovial it is extremely sick
Felton

For the love of Benji!
nutbastard

I wonder if he’ll take the opportunity to update his CV and include “Dog-Breeder” under “Experience”
Alenonimo

This article needs the shocked cat tag.
nutbastard

i wonder howl long he lasted?
- Felton
  
  Hell if fido.
Anonymous

That could be a very effective moat.
Ryan

A cross dresser is not a transvestite they are super different things you crazy baby. A transvestite is a screwed up term in the first place and offensive. But not as screwy as someone who gets lovin on with doggies on the English countryside.
- nutbastard
  
  Transvestite. trans-vest-ite. trans for opposite, vest for garments, ite for person.
  
  Cross dresser. cross for opposite, dress for garments, er for person.
nutbastard

Man, he really screwed the pooch.
nutbastard

Queen 4 to Castle leaves his Bishop exposed.
nutbastard

anyways, long story short, he did win the bet he had made in a pub earlier that day.
- Felton
  
  Don’t stop now! You’re on a roll. :-)
Phikus

Now they’re probably going to have to post a sign: NO DOG-FUCKING IN MOAT. Then it would be against the rules and demand punishment.
nutbastard

The Queen of Spayeds?
- Felton
  
  I’m neuteral on the subject.
Phikus

Those transvestites… They love being put on the spot.
MrJM

Ironically, they were found in the missionary position.
Phikus

You gotta stomp, whistle and scream
You gotta wake right up in your dreams
You gotta jump, wheel and drive
Keep that feeling alive

You gotta kick, holler and shout
I’m gonna tell you what it’s all about
You gotta tell me that you love me
Tell me that you’re mine

We’re putting on the dog tonight
We’re putting on the dog tonight
We’ll be p…putting on the dog tonight
Putting on, putting on the dog tonight
We’ll be putting on the dog tonight
We’ll be putting on the dog tonight
Putting on the dog
Putting on the dog

We’ll flip, we’ll follow and fly
Just do it now and don’t ask why
You gotta strut, wiggle and slide
Let everybody know that you’re alive

You gotta crank, gallop and twist
Do it once, you’ll never resist
Tell me that you love me
Tell me that you’re mine

We’re putting on the dog tonight
Putting on the dog tonight, alright

Well we’ll be going to a sooky jump it’s rain and it pours
Big old Lecky with his suicide doors
Tip that bottle from the brim to the dregs
You ain’t dancing ’till you cross your legs

Putting on the dog tonight
We’ll be putting on the dog tonight
We’ll be putting on the dog tonight
Putting on the dog tonight
Putting on the dog
I’ve been p…putting on the dog
Putting on the dog
Putting on the dog
Putting on the dog
Putting on the dog

-Tom Waits
- Felton
  
  Heehee!
  
  You can’t live with ‘em, you can’t live without ‘em.
  There’s somethin’ irresistabullish about ‘em.
  We grin and bear it ’cause the nights are long.
  I hope that somethin’ better comes along.
  
  It’s no good complainin’ and pointless to holler.
  If she’s a beauty she’ll get under your collar.
  She made a monkey out of old King Kong,
  I hope that somethin’ better comes along.
  
  Ah, but what could be better than a saucy Irish setter
  When puppy love comes on strong?
  Or a collie that’s classy, a laddie needs a lassie,
  A lover and wife gives you a new leash on life.
  
  I don’t mean to scare ya, my friend, but I betcha
  Come “Father’s Day”, the litter bug’s gonna getcha;
  The urge is righteous, but the face is wrong.
  I hope that somethin’ better comes along.
  
  Still, it’s fun when they’re fetching,
  And agree to see an etching
  That you keep at your lily pad.
  There is no solution, it’s part of evolution,
  You’ll sooner hear the souls,
  The little feet of tadpoles.
  
  (Ah, Rowlf, tadpoles don’t have feet!)
  (Oh. Sorry about that…. 2, 3, 4)
  
  There’s no limitation to mixin’ and matchin’
  Some get an itchin’ for a critter they’ve been scratchin’.
  A skunk was badgered the results were strong.
  I hope that somethin’ better,
  I hope that somethin’ better,
  I hope that somethin’ better comes along.
  (Beep bop bidder da dum dum bum bum bum!)
  
  -Rolf the Dog
nutbastard

So if the dog gets pregnant somehow, will he be convicted of littering too?
- Felton
  
  Wow, the charges are piling up! He may end up in the paddy waggin’ after all.
  - nutbastard
    
    Only time will tail.
    - Felton
      
      It’s never rover.
nutbastard

Either way, he probably won’t be in jail fur long.
cjp

Vaginal or anal penetration of an animal is illegal in England? Must have been oral, then. The article doesn’t mention whether or not the dog was satisfied with the outcome of the investigation. Maybe the dog was cautioned, too.
Phikus

The dog was seen wandering around the castle again today. Looking for a little hair of the human that bit him.
Scixual

After reading all the responses, I just have to say, you’re all a buncha beautiful bitches.

…Just keep up your britches.
- Felton
  
  …Just keep up your britches.
  
  You mean pants? Get it? Pants? Okay, I’m running out of material here…
godisafiction

This is funnier because of what the Brits call the act of engaging in sexual conduct in a public place, namely, “Dogging.”
- Felton
  
  You better stop, yeah, dogging me around
  If you donâ€™t stop, yeah, Iâ€™m gonna put you down
  
  Cause I canâ€™t take much longer
  My hearts getting weak and itâ€™s not getting any stronger
  You keep me so upset my heads in a whirl
  But if you want to be my girl
  
  You better stop, yeah, dogging me around
  If you donâ€™t stop, yeah, Iâ€™m gonna put you down
  
  Cause you know you go out nights to have yourself a ball
  And sometimes you donâ€™t, you donâ€™t make it home at all
  I donâ€™t mind you having yourself a real good time
  But now what youâ€™re trying to do, trying to make me lose my mind
  
  You better stop, yeah, dogging me around
  If you donâ€™t stop, yeah, Iâ€™m gonna put you down
  Yes put you down
  
  -Jackie Wilson
bklynchris

@nutbastard for fear of provoking more, well more anything really.

A dude in a dress does not a transvestite make. Transgender includes transvestite, as well as, transexual.

And, unless this was a man who shaves legs, chest, face, and often eyebrows without nicks, painstakingly wraps his package to minimize unsightly bulges, is adept at the art of wig-ery, and can evenly apply eye liner AND lipliner/stick w/o the aid of a mirror. Well then my friend, it was just a dude in a dress. And, seemingly a crazy dude in a dress.

Transvestism is not just a way of life, its an art.

btw-I didn’t say YOUR jokes weren’t funny. Although….
Felton

Bride and groomed.
Phikus

The whole episode does give one paws.
- Felton
  
  At the very leashed.
Phikus

That’ll teach his lover to stray.
- Felton
  
  He shouldn’t have rolled over for a heel like that anyway.
  - Phikus
    
    Obviously, he found the dog rather fetching, but he didn’t have to rub his nose in it. But he had heard doggie style was the way to do it, so he gave it a rut in the rut that day. When the doggie finally ditched him, he was left howling, though he’d skirt the issue later if you chanced to bring it up. Doggedly, he persevered, as if he had appointed himself minister of the in-terrier! But in hind-sight, he found discretion to be his best friend. He resolved himself to find a shelter for future expeditions he’d mount, such as a simple pup tent. Thus, no one would have a bone to pick with him when it all went down in dog town again, as he’d addressed the issue.
Phikus

Yes, this type of things is rare, but there’s a re-moat chance he’ll do it again.
nutbastard

That’s what I call a dog pound.
nutbastard

What was odd is that they were in the reverse cowgirl position – not at all what you’d expect.
Phikus

Fuck you Willy Wonka, for setting up the peanut butter moat!
Stefan Jones

” . . . heaving with visitors in high season.”

Was the dog was in high season?
MrJM

Not the first player brought to ruin by a bitch.
Hirsty

A dingo took my lady.
Hirsty

A Dalmatian? I’m sure it hit the spots.
usegobos

Atrocious. Leash your dogs people!
franko

that cat makes every story a winnah.
nutbastard

This is all a big misunderstanding! Clearly the man has phallic squeek-toy disorder.
nutbastard

He’d been fucking a pig earlier, and the dog was all, bacon? bacon bacon bacon bacon, I SMELL BACON!!!!!
Felton

Definitely not your executive transvestite.
- Maggie Koerth-Baker
  
  Dammit, Felton, you beat me to it.
nutbastard

Kibbles and Brits?
hassenpfeffer

Was it a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania?
Felton

A spokesman for English Heritage said: “This was a very rare incident”.

I would hope so!

Oh, and I too welcome the return of shocked kitty.
Phikus

To be fair, it was one really hot dog. It was begging for it!
nutbastard

He was simply trying to poodle his noodle.
Felton

Heh! I’m a huge fan of Eddie Izzard. He makes me want to be a transvestite almost as much as the movie Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.
Suburbancowboy

The Aristocrats!
- Felton
  
  Hahaha!
- dculberson
  
  Don’t you mean “aristocats!”
cjp

“Pendennis Castle, managed by English Heritage, is a popular family tourist attraction and was heaving with visitors in high season.”

‘Heaving?’ Really? I think I would have chosen a slightly less visceral word. Shocked Kitteh is heaving, too.
stegodon

first finger-banging lobsters and now dogmoatsex (?)
franklin1776

Penis Denn is an anagram for Pendennis. Shouldn’t this have been a clue?
nutbastard

he’s obviously a quadrapedophile.
- Felton
  
  He’s into ruff sex.
  - nutbastard
    
    …and heavy petting.
Felton

It doesn’t sit well with me.
- nutbastard
  
  He didn’t even try to shake the cops, he just rolled over.
Palefire

The “gent was cautioned”? Uh, was it consentual? What the heck do you have to do to get arrested in England?
- Felton
  
  What the heck do you have to do to get arrested in England?
  
  Taking pictures of the castle might’ve done it.
- Symbiote
  
  Vaginal or anal penetration of an animal is illegal. Maybe the dog was “on top”?
  
  Maximum sentence is two years. An animal cruelty charge is probably more likely?
nutbastard

And they called it puppy love
Oh i guess they’ll never know
how a young heart really feels
and just why i love her so
and they called it puppy love
just because we’re in our teens
tell them all
please tell them it isn’t fair
to take away my only dream
i cry each night
my tears for you
my tears are all in vain
i hope and i pray
that maybe someday
you’ll be back (you’ll be back) in my arms(in my arms)
once again
someone help me
help me
help me please
is the answer up above?
how can i
oh how can i tell them
this is not a puppy love
someone help me
help me
help me please
is the answer up above?
how can i
oh how can i tell them
this is not a puppy love
(this is not a puppy love)
(this is not a puppy love)
not a puppy love
(this is not a puppy love
nutbastard

Stephen: Fine speech. Now what do we do?
William Wallace: Just be yourselves.
Hamish: Where are you going?
William Wallace: I’m going to pick a fight.
Hamish: Well, we didn’t get dressed up for nothing.
Stefan Jones

“Sit! Stay! Come . . . no, no, not like that! What will people think if they see us . . .”
Phikus

Let us be clear.
phlavor

It’s incidents like this that give bestiality a bad name.