Transvestite had sex with dog in English castle moat

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95 Responses to “Transvestite had sex with dog in English castle moat”

  1. bklynchris says:

    OK, all joking (some funny some just not).

    There is a HUGE, really, really big difference between a dude in a dress and a transvestite.

    The headline is potentially offensive to transgender community. Something I used to role my eyes at, but seeing it bandied about here in relation to dog f*cking, I get it.

    • nutbastard says:

      “There is a HUGE, really, really big difference between a dude in a dress and a transvestite.”

      No there isn’t, there’s a big difference between a dude in a dress and a *transsexual*.

      From the transvestite wiki:

      “Transvestism (also called transvestitism) is the practice of cross-dressing, which is wearing the clothing of the opposite sex. ”

  2. Baldhead says:

    “But I’m a lady!”

  3. Enormo says:

    Thank you, Suprise Kat!

  4. Anonymous says:

    That was no transvestite that the was ghost of Benny Hill!

  5. Anonymous says:

    Ahead of the curve to break the latest RNC senatorial scandal…

    on a separate note, the Captcha test for this was “Yorkshire trauma”

  6. Halloween Jack says:

    Speaking of aristocrats… didn’t anyone else find it peculiar that the usually-not-hesitant-to-name-names English press didn’t name the perp? I’m guessing that it was a member of the House of Lords.

  7. MooseDesign says:

    He probably lulled the poor hound into a false sense of security with le moat juste!

  8. i_prefer_yeti says:

    “Walkies!”

  9. Phikus says:

    Ok, so a transvestite and a dog walk into a castle…

  10. nutbastard says:

    it’s not his fault, he has a bad case of rapies.

  11. Raj77 says:

    A caution happens after arrest. However, I’m not quite sure why he was let off with that.

  12. journalist says:

    This story reminds me of a transvestite I once spoke to that told me about a guy she met on a horrendous fetish transexual/transvestite alternative website called Birchplace he had fantasies about watching someone shag his pet alsation what kind of sick world are we living in ? Though these posts are jovial it is extremely sick

  13. Felton says:

    For the love of Benji!

  14. nutbastard says:

    I wonder if he’ll take the opportunity to update his CV and include “Dog-Breeder” under “Experience”

  15. Alenonimo says:

    This article needs the shocked cat tag.

  16. nutbastard says:

    i wonder howl long he lasted?

  17. Anonymous says:

    That could be a very effective moat.

  18. Ryan says:

    A cross dresser is not a transvestite they are super different things you crazy baby. A transvestite is a screwed up term in the first place and offensive. But not as screwy as someone who gets lovin on with doggies on the English countryside.

    • nutbastard says:

      Transvestite. trans-vest-ite. trans for opposite, vest for garments, ite for person.

      Cross dresser. cross for opposite, dress for garments, er for person.

  19. nutbastard says:

    Man, he really screwed the pooch.

  20. nutbastard says:

    Queen 4 to Castle leaves his Bishop exposed.

  21. nutbastard says:

    anyways, long story short, he did win the bet he had made in a pub earlier that day.

  22. Phikus says:

    Now they’re probably going to have to post a sign: NO DOG-FUCKING IN MOAT. Then it would be against the rules and demand punishment.

  23. nutbastard says:

    The Queen of Spayeds?

  24. Phikus says:

    Those transvestites… They love being put on the spot.

  25. MrJM says:

    Ironically, they were found in the missionary position.

  26. Phikus says:

    You gotta stomp, whistle and scream
    You gotta wake right up in your dreams
    You gotta jump, wheel and drive
    Keep that feeling alive

    You gotta kick, holler and shout
    I’m gonna tell you what it’s all about
    You gotta tell me that you love me
    Tell me that you’re mine

    We’re putting on the dog tonight
    We’re putting on the dog tonight
    We’ll be p…putting on the dog tonight
    Putting on, putting on the dog tonight
    We’ll be putting on the dog tonight
    We’ll be putting on the dog tonight
    Putting on the dog
    Putting on the dog

    We’ll flip, we’ll follow and fly
    Just do it now and don’t ask why
    You gotta strut, wiggle and slide
    Let everybody know that you’re alive

    You gotta crank, gallop and twist
    Do it once, you’ll never resist
    Tell me that you love me
    Tell me that you’re mine

    We’re putting on the dog tonight
    Putting on the dog tonight, alright

    Well we’ll be going to a sooky jump it’s rain and it pours
    Big old Lecky with his suicide doors
    Tip that bottle from the brim to the dregs
    You ain’t dancing ’till you cross your legs

    Putting on the dog tonight
    We’ll be putting on the dog tonight
    We’ll be putting on the dog tonight
    Putting on the dog tonight
    Putting on the dog
    I’ve been p…putting on the dog
    Putting on the dog
    Putting on the dog
    Putting on the dog
    Putting on the dog

    -Tom Waits

    • Felton says:

      Heehee!

      You can’t live with ‘em, you can’t live without ‘em.
      There’s somethin’ irresistabullish about ‘em.
      We grin and bear it ’cause the nights are long.
      I hope that somethin’ better comes along.

      It’s no good complainin’ and pointless to holler.
      If she’s a beauty she’ll get under your collar.
      She made a monkey out of old King Kong,
      I hope that somethin’ better comes along.

      Ah, but what could be better than a saucy Irish setter
      When puppy love comes on strong?
      Or a collie that’s classy, a laddie needs a lassie,
      A lover and wife gives you a new leash on life.

      I don’t mean to scare ya, my friend, but I betcha
      Come “Father’s Day”, the litter bug’s gonna getcha;
      The urge is righteous, but the face is wrong.
      I hope that somethin’ better comes along.

      Still, it’s fun when they’re fetching,
      And agree to see an etching
      That you keep at your lily pad.
      There is no solution, it’s part of evolution,
      You’ll sooner hear the souls,
      The little feet of tadpoles.

      (Ah, Rowlf, tadpoles don’t have feet!)
      (Oh. Sorry about that…. 2, 3, 4)

      There’s no limitation to mixin’ and matchin’
      Some get an itchin’ for a critter they’ve been scratchin’.
      A skunk was badgered the results were strong.
      I hope that somethin’ better,
      I hope that somethin’ better,
      I hope that somethin’ better comes along.
      (Beep bop bidder da dum dum bum bum bum!)

      -Rolf the Dog

  27. nutbastard says:

    So if the dog gets pregnant somehow, will he be convicted of littering too?

  28. nutbastard says:

    Either way, he probably won’t be in jail fur long.

  29. cjp says:

    Vaginal or anal penetration of an animal is illegal in England? Must have been oral, then. The article doesn’t mention whether or not the dog was satisfied with the outcome of the investigation. Maybe the dog was cautioned, too.

  30. Phikus says:

    The dog was seen wandering around the castle again today. Looking for a little hair of the human that bit him.

  31. Scixual says:

    After reading all the responses, I just have to say, you’re all a buncha beautiful bitches.

    …Just keep up your britches.

    • Felton says:

      …Just keep up your britches.

      You mean pants? Get it? Pants? Okay, I’m running out of material here…

  32. godisafiction says:

    This is funnier because of what the Brits call the act of engaging in sexual conduct in a public place, namely, “Dogging.”

    • Felton says:

      You better stop, yeah, dogging me around
      If you don’t stop, yeah, I’m gonna put you down

      Cause I can’t take much longer
      My hearts getting weak and it’s not getting any stronger
      You keep me so upset my heads in a whirl
      But if you want to be my girl

      You better stop, yeah, dogging me around
      If you don’t stop, yeah, I’m gonna put you down

      Cause you know you go out nights to have yourself a ball
      And sometimes you don’t, you don’t make it home at all
      I don’t mind you having yourself a real good time
      But now what you’re trying to do, trying to make me lose my mind

      You better stop, yeah, dogging me around
      If you don’t stop, yeah, I’m gonna put you down
      Yes put you down

      -Jackie Wilson

  33. bklynchris says:

    @nutbastard for fear of provoking more, well more anything really.

    A dude in a dress does not a transvestite make. Transgender includes transvestite, as well as, transexual.

    And, unless this was a man who shaves legs, chest, face, and often eyebrows without nicks, painstakingly wraps his package to minimize unsightly bulges, is adept at the art of wig-ery, and can evenly apply eye liner AND lipliner/stick w/o the aid of a mirror. Well then my friend, it was just a dude in a dress. And, seemingly a crazy dude in a dress.

    Transvestism is not just a way of life, its an art.

    btw-I didn’t say YOUR jokes weren’t funny. Although….

  34. Felton says:

    Bride and groomed.

  35. Phikus says:

    The whole episode does give one paws.

  36. Phikus says:

    That’ll teach his lover to stray.

    • Felton says:

      He shouldn’t have rolled over for a heel like that anyway.

      • Phikus says:

        Obviously, he found the dog rather fetching, but he didn’t have to rub his nose in it. But he had heard doggie style was the way to do it, so he gave it a rut in the rut that day. When the doggie finally ditched him, he was left howling, though he’d skirt the issue later if you chanced to bring it up. Doggedly, he persevered, as if he had appointed himself minister of the in-terrier! But in hind-sight, he found discretion to be his best friend. He resolved himself to find a shelter for future expeditions he’d mount, such as a simple pup tent. Thus, no one would have a bone to pick with him when it all went down in dog town again, as he’d addressed the issue.

  37. Phikus says:

    Yes, this type of things is rare, but there’s a re-moat chance he’ll do it again.

  38. nutbastard says:

    That’s what I call a dog pound.

  39. nutbastard says:

    What was odd is that they were in the reverse cowgirl position – not at all what you’d expect.

  40. Phikus says:

    Fuck you Willy Wonka, for setting up the peanut butter moat!

  41. Stefan Jones says:

    ” . . . heaving with visitors in high season.”

    Was the dog was in high season?

  42. MrJM says:

    Not the first player brought to ruin by a bitch.

  43. Hirsty says:

    A dingo took my lady.

  44. Hirsty says:

    A Dalmatian? I’m sure it hit the spots.

  45. usegobos says:

    Atrocious. Leash your dogs people!

  46. franko says:

    that cat makes every story a winnah.

  47. nutbastard says:

    This is all a big misunderstanding! Clearly the man has phallic squeek-toy disorder.

  48. nutbastard says:

    He’d been fucking a pig earlier, and the dog was all, bacon? bacon bacon bacon bacon, I SMELL BACON!!!!!

  49. Felton says:

    Definitely not your executive transvestite.

  50. nutbastard says:

    Kibbles and Brits?

  51. hassenpfeffer says:

    Was it a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania?

  52. Felton says:

    A spokesman for English Heritage said: “This was a very rare incident”.

    I would hope so!

    Oh, and I too welcome the return of shocked kitty.

  53. Phikus says:

    To be fair, it was one really hot dog. It was begging for it!

  54. nutbastard says:

    He was simply trying to poodle his noodle.

  55. Felton says:

    Heh! I’m a huge fan of Eddie Izzard. He makes me want to be a transvestite almost as much as the movie Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

  56. Suburbancowboy says:

    The Aristocrats!

  57. cjp says:

    “Pendennis Castle, managed by English Heritage, is a popular family tourist attraction and was heaving with visitors in high season.”

    ‘Heaving?’ Really? I think I would have chosen a slightly less visceral word. Shocked Kitteh is heaving, too.

  58. stegodon says:

    first finger-banging lobsters and now dogmoatsex (?)

  59. franklin1776 says:

    Penis Denn is an anagram for Pendennis. Shouldn’t this have been a clue?

  60. nutbastard says:

    he’s obviously a quadrapedophile.

  61. Felton says:

    It doesn’t sit well with me.

  62. Palefire says:

    The “gent was cautioned”? Uh, was it consentual? What the heck do you have to do to get arrested in England?

    • Felton says:

      What the heck do you have to do to get arrested in England?

      Taking pictures of the castle might’ve done it.

    • Symbiote says:

      Vaginal or anal penetration of an animal is illegal. Maybe the dog was “on top”?

      Maximum sentence is two years. An animal cruelty charge is probably more likely?

  63. nutbastard says:

    And they called it puppy love
    Oh i guess they’ll never know
    how a young heart really feels
    and just why i love her so
    and they called it puppy love
    just because we’re in our teens
    tell them all
    please tell them it isn’t fair
    to take away my only dream
    i cry each night
    my tears for you
    my tears are all in vain
    i hope and i pray
    that maybe someday
    you’ll be back (you’ll be back) in my arms(in my arms)
    once again
    someone help me
    help me
    help me please
    is the answer up above?
    how can i
    oh how can i tell them
    this is not a puppy love
    someone help me
    help me
    help me please
    is the answer up above?
    how can i
    oh how can i tell them
    this is not a puppy love
    (this is not a puppy love)
    (this is not a puppy love)
    not a puppy love
    (this is not a puppy love

  64. nutbastard says:

    Stephen: Fine speech. Now what do we do?
    William Wallace: Just be yourselves.
    Hamish: Where are you going?
    William Wallace: I’m going to pick a fight.
    Hamish: Well, we didn’t get dressed up for nothing.

  65. Stefan Jones says:

    “Sit! Stay! Come . . . no, no, not like that! What will people think if they see us . . .”

  66. phlavor says:

    It’s incidents like this that give bestiality a bad name.

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