Muggers chase victim into crowd of ass-kicking ninjas

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43 Responses to “Muggers chase victim into crowd of ass-kicking ninjas”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Contrary to popular belief, ninjas don’t resemble turtles.

  2. Nword says:

    The secret power of ninjas, one sensi plus three students = five ninjas.

    Who was the mysterious fifth ninja?

  3. jungletek says:

    They done goofed. Consequences will never be the same.

  4. Ethyl Cannes says:

    For a second I thought it was just about one scene in Anathem…

  5. Anonymous says:

    Ha! That’s nothing. Imagine if they had run next to the Pirate’s Bar! ARR!!!

  6. gman says:

    Now that’s real ultimate power.

  7. dhalgren says:

    No sightings of 4 humanoid turtles in the area?

  8. Lobster says:

    Uh oh! Ninjas!

  9. sapere_aude says:

    Kudos to the ninjas, of course, for coming to the aid of the victim; but Cory’s description of what happened is a bit misleading. According to the news story, the ninjas just frightened the muggers off — there was no actual ass kicking — and the muggers got away with the victim’s phone and iPod.

    • Jonathan Badger says:

      So in other words, this is a real life version of a “Radio Yerevan” joke.

      Q: Is it true that a group of ass-kicking ninjas stopped a group of muggers from getting away with a victim’s phone and iPod?

      A: In principle, yes. But the ninjas did no ass-kicking and the muggers got away with the phone and iPod.

    • jackie31337 says:

      I think it’s correct to describe the ninjas as ass-kicking. They still have the quality of being ass-kicking in general even if they’re not currently kicking ass.

  10. mdh says:

    collective noun: a seemingly empty alley of ninja.

  11. Snig says:

    If they’d chased them into a crowd of pirates, they would have gotten their booty back.

  12. bradalmanac says:

    Good story, but I’m highly disappointed by the lack of actual ass-kicking that took place. The victim got robbed and beaten a bit, so no win there. At least the police made an arrest, so there’s that.

  13. Anonymous says:

    As an Australia-loving American, I cannot believe that Australians would commit crimes! They are far too awesome, mellow, and well-adjusted. Well at least the ones I’ve met. (Sidney did have some sketchy-looking areas, I admit.)

  14. Anonymous says:

    hah i agree the looks on their faces really would be priceless! way to go ninjas

  15. rwmj says:

    I’m not sure what’s more disturbing – an alley full of ninjas, or the fact that one of them is called Steve.

  16. Felton says:

    Anyway, +1 for Australian ninjas!

  17. Dr_Wally says:

    Lurking in the shadows/having a quick smoke out the back…? This would be more evocative of the Australian Ninja.

  18. ROSSINDETROIT says:

    A friend once surprised a peeping tom and chased him across town and down an alley with a fencing foil. When the cops arrived they advised him “Go home. Put that away. Forget you ever ran down the street with it.”

    • Zadaz says:

      ROSSINDETROIT: that’s a much better story than this one.

      Christ, what assholes. They’re giving themselves high-fives for being so awesome when all they did was scare away some muggers. Any five men would have scared away most muggers. Meanwhile the victim was beaten and still had their stuff stolen.

      What kind of ninja runs to get their teacher when they see someone getting a beatdown?

      “You should have seen their faces when they saw us in ninja gear coming towards them”

      So much for the legendary stealth of ninjas.

      My condolences for the victim, sounds like he ran into two groups of assholes that night.

      • Felton says:

        On the other hand, they might have saved his life. Ninjas or not, they made the effort to help someone out, and I applaud that.

      • invictus says:

        Actually, two of the three alleged attackers have now been arrested and charged. No word on the fate of the stolen property, as yet.

  19. JT Montreal says:

    A couple of observations:

    1. Muggers are basically land-pirates. Attack and steal your stuff, take off before reinforcements arrive.

    2. Any Ninjitsu Dojo that openly advertises itself is obviously not real.

    Thus, the Ninja-vs-Pirates debate is as yet unresolved, but not for the reasons a first reading of the story suggests. If they had been _real_ Ninja, the muggers would have just suddenly appeared bound and gagged on the doorstop of the nearest police station. Or suddenly black-clad individuals would stagger into the nearest hospital with cutlass injuries and grog stains. (Although since the “Pirates” took off in the face of non-ninjas makes the second outcome unlikely. OTOH, real ninja would not travel in such large packs.)

    These conclusions should be obvious to any Internet Meme researcher.

  20. Chris Tucker says:

    Everything’s better with ninjas!

    Everything!

    Even if they don’t flip out and kill everyone.

    • defunctdoormat says:

      Thanks Felton, for the link. That was pretty amusing. Especially the comments, because there’s always someone in the crowd that thinks Onion is serious news!

  21. Anonymous says:

    Being ninjas, they would have been able to kick arse without the bandits realizing their arses had been kicked. That’s the kind of innovative stealth powers that only Aussie ninjas could come up with! Just watch – the muggers will break out in bruises in a week’s time wondering what just happened!!! Shh…. it was the ninjas! :P

  22. Felton says:

    I hope someone remembered to say “thank you mask man.”

  23. LovelyAndroid says:

    I wish I had ninjas to protect me in my daily life. Perhaps if I dress as a ninja them people will avoid mugging me.

  24. Elesabeth says:

    Personally, I love Good Samaritan stories. We don’t know what might have happened if these gentlemen hadn’t stepped in. I hope it’s all right if I suggest a Good Samaritan story involving a great-grandma (my mom) on my blog:
    http://grandmastreasures.blogdog.com/?s=Arson+at+the+Nursing+Home

    Elsebeth

  25. soubriquet says:

    Old story…. Fark linked it back in may, as did metafilter and many others. Kinda-non story too. As has been pointed out, the Ninjas did no ass-kicking and no rescuing.
    “Ninja onlookers watch successful muggers run off with loot” might be a more accurate version.

  26. BastardNamban says:

    I seriously doubt these men have true ninjutsu experience. I’ve only heard tell of one American even being allowed access to a modern day ninja training school.

    What really makes me doubt they know what they’re doing is the color of their uniforms. The traditional color of ninja garb is a darker navy blue, not black.

    Black was only used in ceremonies, not for actual fighting. The reason being, solid black is still too sharp a contrast with shadows and actual moonlight lit countryside, which is where the ninja of Japan actually operated. Black would have had them singled out quickly against a moonlit tree’s silhouette, or between moving in shadows.

    Real ninja garb, aside from usually being dressed as farmers, was that dark navy blue. Think about it- in true blackness, dark navy undistinguishable from black, but wouldn’t create the sharp contrast black would when moving to where the shadow is lighter. Under moonlight, the cast of light was a hue above black, a slight blue, and navy hid them better for it, especially amongst things with color, like green grass, that became bluish tint under moonlight.

    When there was no moon, they blended even better in shadows without creating the stark moving outline black did.

    And so, I think this school, aside from the fact that their master has probably never even seen a real ninja, are wearing culturally misinterpreted uniform colors. Real ninja would not even train in a uniform- it would give them away. That school is banking on the ninja culture Japan and others “created” of black uniforms to attract interest, students, and thus, money.

    And if you doubt me, you had better be either one of two things:

    1. You are an actual, Japanese ninja (and post in Japanese, I’ll be able to read it)

    2. You have been to the Iga Ueno Ninja Museum in Japan, which explains all of this, in Japanese. They even have ninja garb on display.

    In either case- if you were a real ninja, or have been to the museum, you wouldn’t disagree- you’d know exactly what I’ve said is true.

    On the ninja museum- there are real ninja who work there- but openly display their skill in a show. Only a bit of skill is shown- they can’t give away all their secrets. It is probably the most surprising place I’ve ever been, for many reasons. You need to go and check it out if you’re near Kyoto or Mie Prefecture.

    In any case, I’m sure there will be people who flame me for “knowing nothing”- I’m sure I sound full of it or like a self-made expert- but everything I know I know from the ninja museum, and speaking with the actual ninja in Japanese who worked there.

    • irksome says:

      One could never flame you for “knowing nothing”.

      Knowing too much, on the other hand…

    • wrybread says:

      Thank goodness modern martial arts have gotten away from thaht philosphy of secretiveness that you describe. Modern martial arts have gotten so much more effective by testing themselves against each other and openly competing.

      If these muggers had come near a Brazillian Jiu Jitsu or a Muay Thai academy, there may have been some actual ass kicking, as opposed to fantasy ass kicking.

      But yeah, ninjas will always make for better movie fodder.

  27. irksome says:

    Ninja vs. Zombie: Who wins?

  28. Bill Albertson says:

    They were able to scare off the attackers without landing a blow, stopping further bodily harm to the victim, which was the most important thing. There wasn’t a fight because the muggers ran off once they knew they had been spotted. And it is really hard to catch up with muggers who don’t want to be caught when they have a running head start (having tried to run down a couple of muggers in the past).

    There is also a liability issue in using special skills in a fight if you don’t have to.

  29. Micah says:

    I have a friend who had her purse snatched in Manhattan a few years ago near the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater. As the snatcher ran down the block, a small group of martial arts classmates emerged from a post-class UCB show, intercepted the purse snatcher, kicked him to the ground and held him there until the cops came.

    The cops got the perp, my friend got her purse back, and the comedy-loving martial artists got to use their skillz. But my friend decided that day she didn’t want to live in NYC any more.

  30. jonw says:

    “They also failed to notice a ninja, Nathan Smith, standing in the shadows outside the dojo.”

    priceless.

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