Shark Knife will terrify your enemies with macho impracticality


37 Responses to “Shark Knife will terrify your enemies with macho impracticality”

  1. Baron Karza says:

    What a beautiful way to horribly lacerate oneself.

  2. Funkf00t says:

    My wife always says I should get out more. I mean, what was this meant to be? Engineers would find it an act of unkindness to describe it as ‘overengineered’.

  3. Teapunk says:

    I can actually picture Wesley Wyndam Pryce pulling this thing out of his sleeve and hurting himself terribly.

    • Snig says:

      Absolutely, then regretting the damage to his shirt. And his colleagues would mock him by humming the theme to Jaws.

  4. Thad E Ginataom says:

    Taking a moment off from carnage, he absent-mindedly wiped the sweat from his brow, gouging his eyes out and cutting his throat as he did so.

    “Damn!” was his final word.

  5. chalkley3 says:

    There was an army disposal shop in town selling these for $600AU. I don’t think they ever sold one.

  6. etho says:

    Reminds me of a shark themed version of the orchid from Dhalgren.

    • nodmonkey says:

      Exactly what I was going to say, etho. Reading that book for the first time right now… the ‘sun’ is expanding and time is being lost.

  7. jwepurchase says:

    Mack the Knife is a song from Three Penny Opera. And this doesn’t look like Mack’s style:

    “Oh the shark has pretty teeth dear
    And he shows them pearly white;
    Just a jacknife has MacHeath
    And he keeps it out of sight.”

  8. Halloween Jack says:

    There are mail-order companies who sell loads of this kind of crap. My RPG group used to include a guy who would spend a lot of time looking at the pretty, useless knives and swords in the catalog; not surprisingly, he was the worst player in the group.

  9. Phikus says:

    I’m holding out for the one with the retractable pool cue… or lasers.

  10. mgfarrelly says:

    Roughly translated that would be “waH ‘Iq let”

    I have a deep and abiding shame for knowing that.

  11. Felton says:

    Is this a prop for the revival of the musical Mack the Knife?

    • Antinous / Moderator says:

      Und der Haifisch, der hat Zähne,
      Und die trägt er im Gesicht.
      Und Macheath, der hat ein Messer,
      Doch das Messer sieht man nicht.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Just shat me pants a little bit when I scrolled
    down and saw that blade.

    Fuxing awesome, what that is…

  13. Anonymous says:

    I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure the guy wearing it is a bigger threat to himself than to anybody else… just imagine the consequence of tripping over an untied boot lace…

  14. Felton says:

    We’re gonna need a bigger Boot.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Awesome coincidence: right as soon that image loaded, iTunes shuffled up “Again We Rise” by Lamb of God. \m/

  16. adamrice says:

    I would like to carry one of these while jumping a motorcycle over a shark tank.

  17. Art Carnage says:

    I’d be too busy laughing my ass off to attack you, so I *guess* it works.

  18. Anonymous says:

    Needs a laser on top to be truly effective.

  19. bmcraec says:

    Wow. I wasn’t expecting the “Fart of Fire” Sign-in Screen”—my first comment since the recent SUggesterator upgrades, or whatever the hell it’s called.

    Antinous, that quote was so, completely, utterly appropriate. I sang along as I read it. Scans well!

  20. Chris O says:

    Does this come in kids’ sizes?

  21. Anonymous says:

    You would never have to use this since your enemy would just run in terror from your metallic sharkyness. Just don’t ever put your arm down or you’ll stab a kidney.

    I’m coming out with a super scary looking marmoset knife.

  22. Anonymous says:

    Does it have a can opener? Bottle opener?


  23. Anonymous says:


  24. grimatongueworm says:

    Since then the Deliverator has kept the gun in the glove compartment and relied, instead, on a matched set of Shark Knives, which have always been his weapons of choice anyhow. The punks in Gila Highlands weren’t afraid of the gun, so the Deliverator was forced to use it. But Shark Knives need no demonstration.

    excerpted from Snow Crash – Shark Week Edition

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