Shark Knife will terrify your enemies with macho impracticality

The shark knife isn't going to win any beauty contests, but that's OK, because shark knives aren't about looking good, they're about getting the job done. And the job here is looking insanely tough, but with a tender, whimsical side. The Klingons have a word for this, most often translated as "trying too hard."

Shark Knife (via Making Light)


  1. Roughly translated that would be “waH ‘Iq let”

    I have a deep and abiding shame for knowing that.

    1. Und der Haifisch, der hat Zähne,
      Und die trägt er im Gesicht.
      Und Macheath, der hat ein Messer,
      Doch das Messer sieht man nicht.

  2. I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure the guy wearing it is a bigger threat to himself than to anybody else… just imagine the consequence of tripping over an untied boot lace…

  3. Awesome coincidence: right as soon that image loaded, iTunes shuffled up “Again We Rise” by Lamb of God. \m/

  4. My wife always says I should get out more. I mean, what was this meant to be? Engineers would find it an act of unkindness to describe it as ‘overengineered’.

  5. I can actually picture Wesley Wyndam Pryce pulling this thing out of his sleeve and hurting himself terribly.

    1. Absolutely, then regretting the damage to his shirt. And his colleagues would mock him by humming the theme to Jaws.

  6. There was an army disposal shop in town selling these for $600AU. I don’t think they ever sold one.

  7. Mack the Knife is a song from Three Penny Opera. And this doesn’t look like Mack’s style:

    “Oh the shark has pretty teeth dear
    And he shows them pearly white;
    Just a jacknife has MacHeath
    And he keeps it out of sight.”

  8. There are mail-order companies who sell loads of this kind of crap. My RPG group used to include a guy who would spend a lot of time looking at the pretty, useless knives and swords in the catalog; not surprisingly, he was the worst player in the group.

  9. Just shat me pants a little bit when I scrolled
    down and saw that blade.

    Fuxing awesome, what that is…

  10. Wow. I wasn’t expecting the “Fart of Fire” Sign-in Screen”—my first comment since the recent SUggesterator upgrades, or whatever the hell it’s called.

    Antinous, that quote was so, completely, utterly appropriate. I sang along as I read it. Scans well!

  11. You would never have to use this since your enemy would just run in terror from your metallic sharkyness. Just don’t ever put your arm down or you’ll stab a kidney.

    I’m coming out with a super scary looking marmoset knife.

    1. Speaking of which, a pool cue with a laser pointer on the end would be very useful to someone like me, who’s more of a pool carp than a pool shark.

        1. Heh! I should have known that was already out there. It’s pretty obvious, now that I think about it. Now they just need the retractable model in the shark knife form, like Phikus asked for.

  12. Taking a moment off from carnage, he absent-mindedly wiped the sweat from his brow, gouging his eyes out and cutting his throat as he did so.

    “Damn!” was his final word.

  13. Since then the Deliverator has kept the gun in the glove compartment and relied, instead, on a matched set of Shark Knives, which have always been his weapons of choice anyhow. The punks in Gila Highlands weren’t afraid of the gun, so the Deliverator was forced to use it. But Shark Knives need no demonstration.

    excerpted from Snow Crash – Shark Week Edition

    1. Exactly what I was going to say, etho. Reading that book for the first time right now… the ‘sun’ is expanding and time is being lost.

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