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To dream the impossible dream

Maggie Koerth-Baker at 7:24 pm Tue, Aug 10, 2010

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No new taxes and reduce current taxes—but increase state revenues by $5 billion. Supports clean air, water and a healthy environment—but wants gas at the pump to be $1.50 per gallon or less under threat of Justice Dept. prosecution. Ole Savior, candidate for Minnesota governor (though not one who is taken especially seriously), may well have one of the most contradictory political position statements ever. At most recent count, he and running mate Todd "Elvis" Anderson had collected 1073 votes in the Republican primary, about 2.5% of the vote.

Maggie Koerth-Baker is the science editor at BoingBoing.net. She writes a monthly column for The New York Times Magazine and is the author of Before the Lights Go Out, a book about electricity, infrastructure, and the future of energy. You can find Maggie on Twitter and Facebook.

Maggie goes places and talks to people. Find out where she'll be speaking next.

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  • Notary Sojac

    Since the recently enacted health care bill repeals the commutative property of addition, I would think that modifying some laws of physics would be simple by comparison.

  • McGrude

    So their platform is magic?

  • Anonymous

    He will also guarantee every lottery ticket will be a winner!

  • Anonymous

    One strange thing is that when you’re thinking like this, why do you bother to stop at 5 billion? Or 50 cents a gallon?

  • Aloisius

    I support the magic platform! I get everything I want without any downside.

  • Anonymous

    Does this sound like a Homer Simpson platform to anyone else?

  • Antinous / Moderator

    You sure they didn’t mean $1.50 per teaspoon?

  • Antinous / Moderator

    Of course, if he looks like this, I’m in.

  • Micah

    It’s a little unclear from his punctuation, but in his two years at the University of Minnesota it appears he majored in psychology, political science, study of history, astrology and mythology.

    That combined with his certified 6 gallon blood donor status makes him clearly the most qualified political candidate in history.

  • Felton

    If elected, I promise to work to repeal the laws that are holding us back as a state, indeed, as a nation: the laws of conservation of mass and energy.

  • Cicada

    Well, it might sort of work- if you cut out enough spending to both lower taxes and support subsidies to lower gas prices.
    You might not have much else, but you’d have cheap gas. Just a matter of priorities.

  • jjsaul

    I thought for sure that the punch line was going to involve hemp. I bet Aqua Buddha comes into this story somewhere.

  • SFedor

    He does get points for having one of the greatest names ever though. How can you not like a guy named Ole Savior? But, well, here we are…

    • Ugly Canuck

      “Ole” is pronounced “oily”, as in “Oily Saviour”.

  • IronEdithKidd

    The magic of supply side compels you!

  • Ugly Canuck

    PS OT
    I take it that you all are aware that the “Recent Comments” page has been compromised by some spam from some rotten sales outfit.

  • SKR

    He’s different from all other politicians in quantity only.

  • loonquawl

    He wants 100 billion back from the oil companies, so the source of 5 Billion with no other taxes is rather clear

  • EH

    He’s tough but fair.

  • oohShiny

    >>No new taxes and reduce current taxes—but increase state revenues by $5 billion.

    That first part isn’t really that tough if you think nationally. Just get rid of the military. Every state could then have an extra $12bn. :) Plus, there’d be less chance of creating new people that hate America.

    …

    Well, fine, be that way. But I like the idea.

  • Uncle Geo

    Oh, it gets better.

    Ole has been a perennial candidate at DFL (Minnesotas Democratic party) conventions for years and years. He always runs for governor and never gets more than a few votes. Though he is a nice person, he is more than a little wacky and is generally seen as wasting the delegates time.

    This last convention he was nominated for endorsement by 50 delegates -and received zero actual votes. His running mate this time was an Elvis impersonator . Elvis and another impersonator dressed as Cher (in a very revealing outfit) wandered the convention floor doing photo ops. They also had a guy in a chicken suit. I am not making this up.

    His speeches are rambling, his positions are as vague as possible and if he had more weird buttons on the vest he wears he’d fall over.

    He took his DFL endorsement loss hard, quit the Dems and ran in the Republican primary against nut job Tom Emmer. Emmer won the primary a few hours ago but we’re all hoping Ole stays to haunt the Republicans instead of us.

    HOWEVER -youn have to give the guy a good deal of credit for having UNICORNS on his lit pieces! http://www.olesavior.org/ -look under “Ole’s Artwork”

    (I knew you BoingBoingers would like the unicorn part!)