Xeni Jardin at 8:31 pm Fri, Sep 17, 2010
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"Vagina bubbles from hell." A clip from Female Ninjas: The Magic Chronicles, (Kunoichi Ninpocho). More clips from this movie at Dangerous Minds. NSFW.
(Thank you, Tara McGinley.)
Douche Hydrant – Stay feminine fresh your entire life.
Caution: Do Not Combine With Other Ionic or Non-ionic Surfactants. If you experience Vajajay Bubbles for longer than four hours, this may indicate a serious condition. See your hydrologist promptly.
Somebody forgot to pack the Lysol. http://boingboing.net/2010/07/03/remarkably-frank-lys.html
Is anyone else reminded of a classic Dr Who episode?
Holy Fracking GOD. Even opium can’t explain someone coming up with an idea like this. Where in hell is the memory bleach?
See, now this is EXACTLY the kind of thing the WTF folder in my bookmarks is for.
That was just…just… I have no idea how to describe that!I think my mental filter for insanity burst along with one of her bubbles.
Does anyone have any sort of link to this film other than these two clips? My searches have turned up empty-handed.
This is a wonderfully whacked series of movies. Personally, I busted a gut when one of them cups her breasts and sprouts long needles from her nipples. She then begins a rapid fire assault, spraying needles like a porcupine machine gun.
Hey, that Asian chick is kinda cuuUUUUOH MY GOD!
In case anybody didn’t notice, the female ninja’s opponent was extremely flamy.
He was totally speaking flame on gay Japanese. Revisit the character with that in mind.
(hence the reason he is soooo frightened by the vagibubbles…
“With hands that do dishes that are soft as your face, with mild, green, Fairy Liquid.” Now that’s a slogan.
Wasn’t this an episode of the Brady Bunch where Bobby puts too much soap in the washing machine? Or was it the vagina?
And who can’t outrun a creeping pile of suds? How does it kill you, with scrubbing bubbles?
Years ago in my pre-adolescent years I happened to see a similar event. No Ninja’s or direct sightings of the ‘V’. No this was from a distance of a couple hundred meters.
A couple on a hillside above a dirt track (race track) were off by themselves and, in retrospect, about to enjoy a little open air conjugalacation. Birth control was not as advanced as it now is and the contraceptive foam appeared to be their preventative of choice.
Some of it was released in to a small stream adjacent to their location and …. well it’s just amazing how that stuff foams up, taller than bushes, long too. It’s actually how their presence was detected.
Gross, I’d have run away as soon as she started foaming, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have let any of that get on me. Sort of a Pyrrhic victory, though.
I’m sure if Japan didn’t have pixilated(sp?) porn they wouldn’t make this.
Also; I believe I saw another example of a female Ninja shooting darts out of one of her orifices :/
Now that made my evening.
I shall have to find this film now.
….. Thank you for the WTFness Japan. You never cease to amuse. Like TombKing said, i definitely need to track this movie down for the lolz.
ITS A QUEEF MONSTERRR!
Can’t wait to be in a safe for NSFW material environment so I can check this out.
Umm…I think you really ought to get a doctor to look at that, dear.
Addressing a woman as ‘dear’ always seems so patronizing. It is really grating and rude.
More proof that I will never, ever, EVER understand Japanese culture.
Thank goodness for my tampon nunchucks.
Calgon, take me away!
You need to go to Dangerous Minds and check out the other clip, eewkuly swell.
OK. Now I HAVE seen everything.
“OK. Now I HAVE seen everything”.
How often do you find yourself saying that?
I think a modified version of this attack shows up in Sailor Moon.
You know, you’re right!
That explains why Sailor Mercury’s skirt was so short!
Holy guacamole! I haven’t thought about this movie in years! In my college days we haunted the video stores in Lawrence, KS for magnificent crap of one kind and another and Female Ninjas was a standout. If memory serves, one of the evil male ninjas possesses a member which, through the use of evil ninja magic, he can turn into a giant wang-python for sexy -but deadly- purposes. Another Female Ninja is tricked (via evil ninja magic, of course) into having sex with a tree stump, with lethal (and fairly hilarious) results. If I’m jaded now, it’s at least partly because of this movie.
The name it has in Japanese is quite interesting too. When she announces her technique she says “kaniawa ninpo!” (èŸ¹æ³¡å¿æ³•). “ninpo” can be translated as “ninja arts”, but “kaniawa” means “crab foam”… as in the foam that comes out of crabs’ mouths sometimes:
(link extremely SFW – unless you’re into that sort of thing)
Is this some Japanese slang going way over my head?
I don’t know about Japanese, but I know a bit of Thai language/culture/slang and calling someone “crab” is endearing rather than insulting as it would be in the west. In fact it’s a fairly popular nickname for girls (everyone goes by a nickname and not their real name in Thailand) – of course it sounds better in Thai, à¸›à¸¹ or “bpoo”.
Regarding slang for vagina, just as there are endless variations in english, there tend to be endless variations in other languages as well (same for penises). In Thai a popular one is the word for “frog” – kind of like how we have “beaver” in english, but a little more disgusting ;) Amazingly, again that’s an endearing word for it, not a vulgar one.
My point is not to explain the language in this clip since I don’t know any Japanese besides what you pick up from watching Japanese films, just to further the discussion on Asian slang which tends to be quite strange in my experience. I’m sure Asians think the same thing of english slang, of course :)
I think she said “Kunoichi Ninpo” — Kunoichi is female ninja
just re-read my comment and realized i kinda made a huge typo. what she screams is “kaniawa jigoku!” (ã‚«ãƒ‹æ³¡åœ°ç„), which means “crab bubble hell!” (more or less the same, but what the hell).
i found out a whole lot more about this movie later on. it turns out it’s a whole series of movies that were originally released as OVA, once a year, based on novels by Yamada Futaro (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Futaro_Yamada).
the first came out in 1991, and they kept on coming until 1995. from then on they started being proper movies. the series always told the stories of female ninja (kunoichi), whose techniques became more and more ridiculous as time went on, becoming a staple of the series.
source: http://www005.upp.so-net.ne.jp/a_matsu/kunoiti.HTM (in japanese)
you can even buy the whole series in dvd!
The Frog Princess ?
“Turn off the bubble machine!”
Please to stop freaking me out, Japan-san.
At least you know she’s clean…
That was a 10. Especially the way that mass of steaming bubbles continued to work its female ninja magic even after she was dead.
I feel like Goku at the end of that road, and all that’s left is a little planet.
I have seen the end of the internets. And I cannot even laugh- it’s so funny I can’t process it.
Ditto on the crab foam comment above- that’s what the kanji translate as.
But how the hell did he not escape that? A ninja can’t escape something that flows like an overflowing washing machine bubble? Just too weak.
I must see this movie now.
I think the ninja couldn’t escape for the same reason people in Doctor Who can’t get away from crawling slimes, unshelled Daleks, or Jon Pertwee. The sheer horror simply freezes you.
Cinemageddon, here I come.
that happened to me once
There is such a thing as too much hygiene really.
Wow, she really scared me, too!
See what happens when you douche with Lysol.
in her cootch
makes me wish for eyebleach
makes me turn to hootch
I thought she may have been brushing her teeth.
I always knew my wife was a ninja. Now I have proof!
Ancient Chinese secret, huh?
Proof! Rule 34 preceded the internet as we know it!
I think we are ignoring the elephant in the room… WTH were they doing at the start of the clip? Mutual masturbation by enemy nijas?
We all act a bit silly when alone, sometimes. Ladies, please don’t get too weird with the soap during your next bath. We don’t need a repeat of this scene.
I’m pretty sure that video clip will affect my ability to drink beer with a head on it for some time, now.
Kunoichi Ninpocho is the name of the movie (translates to Female Ninjas: the Magic chronicles) not the name of the actress.
All it needed was a few pricks to get rid of the bubbles.
Also SFX worthy of Dr Who.
“Weaponized Vajajay Bubbles”.
Best. Linkbait. Title. Ever.
Oh God! I went back to her place just last weekend……
….looks like it’s back to the walk-in clinic for me…..
Worst case of yeast infection I have ever seen.
Ok, maybe I’m jaded by the internet and the weird end of Japanese culture, but the foam wasn’t what bothered me about this. It seemed like they were fantasizing together all nice and happy, then she freaks out and tries to kill him with an STD. Typical women!
Note: I don’t actually think that it’s typical of ANYONE and have never met a woman, man or cephalopod who has done that to me or another being. Cephalopods in particular are gentle and caring, but I don’t know why I mentioned that…
In all fairness, perhaps earlier in the story he dared cross paths with her former master and must now pay the price.
It was just a ruse.
as far as i can gather from what’s being said (i haven’t really watched the movie, you know), she is doing all this to get him close enough to attack (like some sort of crab, maybe? a killer crab from hell?).
right before doing it, when they are still in their mystical happy place together, she stops enjoying herself and says: “igamono, kakugo!” (“kakugo” in this context means “prepare (yourself)!”; “igamono” refers to the fact that the guy seems to be from the iga province (modern day mie prefecture, in japan), but the “mono” makes it offensive.
when he attacks he declares his attack as “iganinpÅ”. “iga-style ninja technique”, or something like it. so, i suppose this is a story of these female ninja killing people from iga? or from different parts of japan? she is just getting him to lower his guard.
Probably a urinary-tract infection. Simple treatment with antibiotics is very effective, unless it’s one of those Super Bugs, the treatment-resistant strains we’re hearing about.
As an aside, there are tv ads in my area for a mechanic’s school called Universal Technical Institute. My girlfriend and I love to riff on their potential slogans; “UTI, for a better tomorrow” or “Broaden your horizons with UTI”.
Y’know, he could have walked away from that anytime he wanted.
His survival instinct was overridden by his fascination. I mean, you don’t see that sort of thing every day. That said, neither of them struck me as a particularly competent ninja.
Even in death, her mutant ninja pussy mesmerized.
Resistance is puerile.
What is truly weird is that I can’t help but be reminded of “The Lawrence Welk Show”…
By the way, the book this movie is based on by Yamada Futaro is hands-down the most violently misogynistic novel I have ever had the displeasure to read.
I also feel the need to point out that this is in no way representative of Japanese culture in general. It’s sad that it needs to be said at all, but there you are.
That was disturbing on several different levels. I’m going to have to take steps to get this out of my head very soon.
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