SUPERDAD: moving and infuriating memoir of fatherhood and crack

Christopher Shulgan's Superdad: A Memoir of Rebellion, Drugs and Fatherhood is an infuriating, moving, and terrifying memoir of self-destructive hypermasculinty and a journey to a kind of uneasy truce between the idea of "father" and "real man."

Shulgan, an accomplished Toronto magazine writer, was raised in a small Ontario town, and wore his ideals of masculinity on his sleeve: drinking his ass off, fighting, partying, snorting coke, smoking crack. His binges tied into an idea of wildness, of being "alternative" and authentic and not settling down to become a boring adult. At the same time, Shulgan was attaining many of adulthood's prizes: a wonderful wife, professional recognition and acclaim, and, finally, a baby.

The news of the pregnancy galvanizes two conflicting urges in Shulgan: on the one hand, the urge to settle down and step up to his responsibilities; on the other, the need to prove that he is still young, wild and free. Neither urge wins, and Shulgan manages to do both: acting the role of a sober dad-to-be while sneaking away to score crack, to go on all night, guilt-ridden binges that he almost completely hides from his wife, who is complicit to the extent that she never seems to look very hard at his excuses for his absences.

When the baby comes, Shulgan's commitment to his family redoubles -- and so does his need to get high. What follows (the meat of the book) is a painful account of someone who can't break off his love-affair with self-destruction; who doesn't really want to, not in his heart of hearts. With wrenching honesty, Shulgan spells out his ambivalence toward sobriety, making a case that would be convincing if it wasn't for the equally honest account of the pain he's creating for himself and his loved ones.

Love, ultimately, is the answer: the writer's love for his family shines through on every page, even as he narrates his betrayals. And in the end, that love -- tender but blazing -- gets him through his troubles.

Shulgan is a fine writer. As a writer, I found myself awed by Shulgan's tale-teller's facility; as a dad, I found myself wanting to smack him until he stopped destroying his family and his life. SUPERDAD is a brave memoir that humanizes the self-immolating urge of the crack addict.

Superdad: A Memoir of Rebellion, Drugs and Fatherhood

I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

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Hools Verne

One of the most well rounded, intelligent, and beautiful people I know was born out of the union of two heroin addicts who struggled with their addictions and self-destructive behavior throughout her life. Bearing a child is a huge responsibility and shouldn’t be taken lightly, but life isn’t some simple logic exercise. When you can understand that life choices aren’t so simple as an SAT question then we can start talking about reproductive responsibility and ethics.
aldasin

“His binges tied into an idea of wildness, of being “alternative”
Well I’m sure he sees how laughable that is now.
If there is one thing that isn’t “alternative”, it’s being addicted to a drug designed for morons.
Anonymous

When you are young you can get away with drug use as a badge of wildness. But at a certain point you wake up as an burnt out, old drunk.
Rayonic

Perhaps the mother should have thought twice about sleeping with a hard-drinking drug addict? She lucked out that the man could pull himself together, but this is the rare, rare exception.

Ultimately she bears most of the fault for bringing a child into that situation.
- Anonymous
  
  right, because ultimately women are to blame for everything.
  dckwd
- Lao Tzu
  
  flame bait
- marco antonio
  
  Nice going there! We should all foresee the people our partners will become, push the Love button only when in presence of those who have a nice and clean pathway into the future, never believe things can be better. And if things don’t go the way you’d planned, it’s your fault for being in love with the wrong person.
  
  Nice. Now let’s draft a law about it and all live happily ever after.
  - Rayonic
    
    He was a crack addict when she met him. A majority of those do not get better.
    
    But she loooooved him so she’s not responsible for any of her actions, right? God forbid she exercise any restraint or judgement, or even use birth control and wait until he cleaned up his act until having his child.
    
    Instead it’s “surprise I’m having your baby, you’ll stick around and get off drugs and become a good father, right?” Such a cunning plan, no wonder it worked!
    - Anonymous
      
      You say that he was a crack addict before she met him… Let me ask you, where do you receive your information from? I know both Chris and his wife very well (I used to write for the magazine Cris ran in the early 2000′s), and I can assure you that they dated and lived together long long before Chris started to experiment with crack. Please stop making up facts to support your argument…
    - dculberson
      
      You must buy in to all the war on drugs shit. Not all people that use crack or cocaine are homeless dudes sleeping in the gutter. Many of them have real jobs and seem like – gasp – real people. They do their laundry and clean under their fingernails and everything. It’s even possible to spend a lot of time with someone like that and not know that they use drugs.
      - Rayonic
        
        The summary indicated that she knew. And if not, perhaps she could have gotten to know him better before having his kid? Naah.
        
        And I take it you don’t believe in substance addiction? It seems to be a scientifically proven phenomenon. Not every drug is as benign as marijuana, you know. Heck, most people can barely quit nicotine. So I’m not sure you want to be pushing the message that they’re all equivalent.
        
        I don’t want to drag the whole Drug War into it, but there is a philosophical argument against things that directly alter your brain chemistry and distort your free will. (Versus your free will to start using those substances in the first place.)
      - RedMonkey
        
        There is no free will – you’re pretty much wired to make the decisions you make based on the stimulus you receive and how your brain chemistry process that information, it’s fuckin’ science:
        
        http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=free-will-vs-programmed-brain
      - SamSam
        
        I don’t think that’s a fair assessment of what Rayonic was saying, although he didn’t put it very well, it’s true.
        
        This guy did not sound like a great productive member of society who smokes crack once a year and otherwise puts on his tie and goes and helps out at the homeless shelter. Instead he sounds like he was a wreck: drunk, fighting, constant hard drugs, all the rest.
        
        His partner was in no way responsible for his actions. But she was responsible for the choice of deciding to be life partners with this man and having a baby with him. And yet he really did not sound like someone who would be a good father or a good role model.
        
        It’s great that he pulled himself together, and maybe the wife could see the glimmer of that strength inside him. But if he had remained the fuck-up he looked like he was going to be, and the kid had been fucked up as a result, I don’t think she could have resolved herself of all responsibility. In the end, bringing a baby into the world should be an educated choice (rape etc aside, of course).
  - MrsBug
    
    I don’t think Rayonic was saying ‘fall in love with only those that are put together.’ Everyone is screwed up in their own way. Love is about endurance and acceptance. However, the problem I have with the entire scenario is that if the shoe were on the other foot, and it was the woman writing the memoir and he hadn’t pulled himself together, the comments would be, “Well, you stupid woman, you KNEW he was addicted to drugs? What other outcome did you expect?” I would’ve said it.
    
    Yes, there are those that are addicted to coke and crack that on the outside seem to live a generally pulled-together existence. But is that the norm? And really how long does that last before they either a) do too much and overdose, b) blow all their money (and other’s) on blow or c) get arrested and get put into rehab where maybe they finally clean up. All three cause pain and suffering to their families, friends, and business associates. I mean, could she have looked at the odds in that case and said, “Golly, the odds that he’ll be a good provider and father for our potential children is only 1:100, but I’m a bettin’ gal so I’ll take those odds.”
    
    So her choices as a woman were, to put it bluntly:
    a. Get deeply involved with drug addicted man and bring a child into the situation; or
    b. Don’t get involved with a drug addicted man.
    
    All this being said, I’m glad he’s clean, I’m glad his family was the foundation for his life and that they were so supportive. I’m not trying to diminish the value of that at all. Love can conquer almost anything in my mind. I just don’t understand why you would choose to put yourself into a situation that 9 times out 10 leads to heartbreak.
- dculberson
  
  Wow, done in one. No, in fact, people are not responsible for the actions and decisions of others. She does not bear most of the fault any more than you do for being a member of the same society.
- Anonymous
  
  Did you actually read this book? Didn’t think so. You are making many assumptions here, trollbaiter.
- Brainspore
  
  Ultimately she bears most of the fault for bringing a child into that situation.
  
  Huh. I was under the impression that married couples bore equal responsibility for that sort of thing, but it’s good to know that I can blame any shortcomings I ever have as a parent on my wife. Stupid b****.
  - Rayonic
    
    I was under the impression they weren’t married at the time of conception, but that’s beside the point anyway.
    
    Who is to blame more: A self-destructive person who pursues a more stable mate, or a stable person who chooses to date a self-destructive person? I’d expect the better person to have better judgement.
    
    Also, women have a few more options for preventing unwanted pregnancy. Birth control pills and abortion, mainly. So that tips the responsibility scales a little bit.
    
    And don’t women have more control in mate selection in this society? I could be wrong, but it certainly seems that way.
    
    So yes, it’s his fault for being such a trainwreck, but it’s her fault for falling for his charming binge-drinking, coke-snorting, partying and fighting ways. That’s probably what attracted her in the first place.
    - danathebooklady
      
      I have read this book, and unfortunately, Rayonic, it’s clear that you have not, and the assumptions and generalizations you are making about one person’s story and the whole of society are offensive and disrespectful as a result. I strongly encourage you to read this book, if only to provide yourself with a better informed argument.
      
      This is a very personal and intimate story of the lowest points in a person’s life, and it took a lot of courage to write and share it. Nobody is perfect, and everyone makes regrettable decisions sometimes – including Rayonic’s regrettable decision to sound off here so ignorantly.
      - J France
        
        Amen, my good friend.
        
        Drugs are such an emotive issue, and all too often the people who use them – either recreationally or in a state of dependence seem too afraid to stand up and be counted for the great things they accomplish day to day, professionally, personally. Even if it’s just keeping their heads, their families, above water in what might be a really bad state of affairs.
        
        Worse is that those who do manage, and manage well, keep their mouths shut. They don’t want to offer themselves as examples of people doing well living with drugs, and in many cases they cant for the grotesque discrimination and judgement they’ll receive for it.
        
        Just look at Rayonic wailing on a women only just associated with an “out” user. Thank Christ s/he kept their opinions of the writer himself quiet, one can only imagine.
        
        It sickens me, as an IV user of various drugs – for 10+ years – most of which were spent in full-time work and study, that that factor alone is enough for so many to write off. Like legal status is inextricably linked to moral status, when anyone with an iota of meaningful experience with the issues involved should know otherwise.
Anonymous

When I started doing drugs the people around me weren’t doing them or pushing me to do them. This was a personal decision (and not brought on by trauma or a lapse in judgment).

And now at 30 I find myself no longer wanting to do them. Again, I don’t believe there was any societal pressure – it’s just not working for me anymore. I might keep 1-2 around (booze and acid probably) for special occasions but it just gets dull like everything else. The people who ravish themselves on drugs far into adulthood are usually doing drugs for all the wrong reasons in the first place and the problem was never the drugs themselves.
annasoror

Any notion on this coming out in the US? I’d rather not get it shipped from Canada if it’s coming down here soon.
- dculberson
  
  Superdad from US site:
  
  http://www.amazon.com/Superdad-Memoir-Rebellion-Drugs-Fatherhood/dp/1554703018
Anonymous

Didn’t we already read this book once before? Except it was called ‘The Night of the Gun’
bklynchris

Did Corey right this mini-review? Whoever wrote it, the description, in and of itself, is very touching and poignant. And Rayonic? Me thinks you doth protest too much. Stop identifying with the book (as evidenced by your degree of protest), its not about you.
5ynic

Agree with #26 – most of us are lucky in that the desire to get high fades. I like to take some pills and dance my ass off to bleepy music once in a while, I keep some strong hash cookies in the freezer for those occasions when they’ll add something to an after dinner chat with friends, and I have coca leaf tea and really good quality coffee to wake me up when I’ve got a sudden deadline rush on… But generally, now I’m a 30-something family man, drug/alcohol use has become dull and repetitive – it doesn’t go anywhere (note that the exceptions are really about music, conversation, time with friends, and economic necessity) and it leaves me tired and cranky.
I look upon the alpha males who keep running with that distructive urge with a mixture of awe and pity.
EH

there is a philosophical argument against things that directly alter your brain chemistry and distort your free will

There’s also a philosophical argument that the Jews blah blah blah.
Gillagriene

I like how its all the female’s responsibly. Every time. For everything. Did anyone who’s commenting actually read the book? Why all the insinuation that she surprised him with a baby? Takes two to tango. Isn’t this a book about the GUY’S choice between a wild life and his kid?
- SamSam
  
  That’s not what people are saying. Rather, it’s your choice to stay with you partner. If your partner is not a good person, and you chose to marry him and have a baby with him, that was your choice. You could also chose to walk away and not have the baby.
  
  Of course, it’s much more difficult to say that in the case of emotional or physical abuse, but that doesn’t sound like it was the case here. I haven’t read the book, however.
  
  Sometimes a person will make good choices and sometimes they will make bad choices. What some are suggesting is that maybe choosing to remain with an occasionally violent drunk drug-addict was not a good choice, even if you’re hoping that the guy will clean up.
Anonymous

…or as a happy middle aged user of weed, smack, acid, ecstasy, cocaine, liquor and tobacco.

Having a job is good, helps to keep you regular.
Anonymous

how about this for an idea: read the fucking book before making wildly speculative claims about the people involved.