By Mark Frauenfelder at 7:40 am Mon, Oct 11, 2010
This week's Mean Monkey Monday was brought to you by Justin.
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This looks a little like some sort of simian semaphore… although I can see how it could look like pom poms.
Ok I did some research and it turns out the monkey story was written by Carl Evans
AHA! This is where you’re finding your monkey covers!
Shenanigans. I count no more than 13 rugged features, plus facial expressions of spiders-in-my-linen-drawer revulsion, lunch-money-bully-gonna-knock-out-my-teeth terror, and can’t-get-a-prom-date tearfulness (clockwise from top).
Never mind the gunshows and sixpax… you’ll note these slabs of beefcake are entirely package-free.
Capuchins from the deep? Why are monkeys swarming a sinking life raft, are they part of a Monkey Amphibious Assault Team?
MUST KNOW BACK STORY!!!!
Or, considering that they always appear to be in a hybrid rape/eating frenzy, Reavermonkeys.
This is the actual story behind the movie ‘Jaws’. But monkeys did not seem scary enough.
“WHAT TO TELL YOUR WIFE ABOUT SEX.”
That it’s going to involve another man, water sports, and a surprising number of monkeys?
What a weird pose. It looks like he’s shaking those monkeys like pom-poms.
“Gooooo, Team Liferaft!”
At first I thought the caption under Monkey Madness read “An Incredible Epic of Terror and Sex”. These magazines seem to be obsessed with sex and monkeys.
Believe it or not, Dr. Shailer Upton Lawton is/was a real doctor and author. Just google him and see. But did he actually freelance for trashy men’s mags, or was his work picked up without his knowledge for padding between the monkey pics?
Those are determined monkeys. They doggypaddle in single file to the middle of the ocean, to attack three men on a sinking raft. Then, presumably, they doggypaddle back to whatever island they came from to plot their next attack.
Next raft trip, I’m bringing monkey repellent. And a copy of Dr. Lawton’s next book.
I can just imagine the guy who illustrated this cover: “Dear Mom and Dad, thanks for paying for art school. Right now I’m working on an incredible epic of terror at sea.”
Here’s a bio and short list for Lawton:
“LAWTON, SHAILER UPTON; pseudonym of Jules Archer, (1915- ); In this case, Lawton was a well-known physician and writer (1894-1966) who sold the rights to his name. For the curious, Lawton was born in Brattleboro, Vermont and died in New York City. (chron.)
* * Are European Women Sexually Superior?, (ar) Male Nov 1953
* * How to Stay Marriedâ€”and Happy, (ar) Argosy Apr 1949
* * The Sex Life of an Unfaithful Wife, (ar) Male Dec 1953
* * Sexual Freaks, (ar) Manâ€™s Magazine Jun 1963
* * What to Tell Your Wife About Sex, (ar) Male Aug 1956″
Sea monkeys were a rampant problem in those days.
Mashed from Werner Herzog’s “Aguirre: The Wrath of God” (1972)
Sex… is like fighting for your life against an uncaring ocean with only a thin band of inflated rubber for protection, while a hundred thousand rabid monkeys tear at your flesh and scream in your ears.
And I thought all I had to worry about was bed bugs.
Get your stinking paws off me you damn dirty apes!
All it’s missing is ‘An ape will die on every page!’
Reminds me of the last scene of Aguirre, The Wrath of God
I think I had enough of topless guys kicking monkeys around, thank you very much
I’m sensing a theme, but what does this have to do with steampunked bananas?
I now believe they come from an island inside of Mhark.
Monkeys are old and busted. Weasels are the new hotness.
The Sea is a cruel and harsh mistress… and at this time of the month her cruelty can get a bit freaky.
Everybody out of the gene pool!
Perhaps sales were down. “Wow, that cover you did with the gorillas – that was great. I got an even better idea – more monkeys! I mean, everything’s better with monkeys, right?”
P.S. captcha says “criticize rubstake”. Punch Slabchest! Buff Drinklots!
I sense an approaching unholy nexus of ‘Banana __, just look at it’ and ‘Mean monkeys’.
I’ll be in my bunker…
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