Comments on: NSA's CryptoKids and /b/'s PedoFriends: Separated at Birth?

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

“CryptoKids have been around for a few years at least. The FBI and CIA also have some similar kids’ pages. I’m really not sure what they’re trying to accomplish?”

simple, waste tax payer money on shitty propaganda so as to relive the mistrust that children may develop for those money holes you call “agencies”

By: Brainspore

Brainspore — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Yeah, Gargoyles was actually pretty OK. I was thinking of the Saturday morning cartoons of my youth in the early ’80s, which were of decidedly lower quality.

By: Ted8305

Ted8305 — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Try watching an old episode of Thundercats or Transformers or (insert favorite nostalgic cartoon here). Dude, they’re not as good as we remembered. The magic of childhood, I guess.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

What the hell does Wired have against Assange?

By: millrick

millrick — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

i wanna be ‘obedience opossum’ when i grow up

By: TooGoodToCheck

TooGoodToCheck — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

I don’t even know what 4 of the pedo-friends’ names refer to. . . but I think I am old and wise enough not to look it up.

By: millrick

millrick — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

or ‘obedient opossum’
it doesn’t really matter. i’ll just do what i’m told

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

They did actually have names. There was a website with character details for each of them, and back stories, all sorts of crazy stuff.

I forget their names but as I recall the two in the middle are navajo code-talkers.

By: grimc

grimc — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

You had me at ‘Chickenhawk’.

By: Rob Beschizza

Rob Beschizza — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

The intro sequences were good; the episodes, not so much.

By: Donald Petersen

Donald Petersen — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

I got that beat. Fully half of the PedoFriends are outside my realm of familiarity.

And I feel perfectly happy in my ignorance of all things FutaShotaYuriGuroYaoiVore.

One does wonder, however, what Warrantless Wombat keeps in his satchel, if not a sheaf of presigned-but-otherwise-blank warrants…

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

I’d like to point out that the characters are originally from 2chan, where they aren’t associated with pornography at all.

pedobear, for example, stands for bravery and manliness in japan.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

#13, the same basic rules apply to who gets to use the word s—— as to who gets to use n—–. A lot of the people consider s—— a slur.

By: Robert

Robert — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Rob wins +1 Internets for the Assange joke!

By: Nelson.C

Nelson.C — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

I can see five with names derived from Japanese words that might give someone trouble. I’m now wondering which of those is the one you’re familiar with.

By: Donald Petersen

Donald Petersen — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Boy, you said it. Season 3 of Land of the Lost seriously does not hold up.

By: Gregory Goldmacher

Gregory Goldmacher — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Political “art” is ridiculous.

And cartoons are silly, but we don’t know any better when we’re kids.

By: Nadreck

Nadreck — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Yes, all of the intelligence agencies and other US “Alphabet Agencies” have darling Kid’s Websites. The CIA’s is particularly nifty.

By: nataliefrey

nataliefrey — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

what a rip
i am a turtle

By: retchdog

retchdog — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Holy hell, that labeled version of the CryptoKids (at least it wasn’t “KryptoKids”) was hilarious. Thanks boingboing!

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Scat = crap, Futa = shemale (futanari), shota = young boy, yuri = lesbian, guro = grotesque (organs removed, that kinda stuff), vore = eat or being eaten, S&M = sado masochism, furry = bestiality or similar, pedo = obvious, yaoi = gay (male), hetero = also obvious, watersports = peeing

Don’t ask how I know these things.

By: andyhavens

andyhavens — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

I let my kid watch “Dora the Informer,” until he called me in for what I still contend is fair-use of copyrighted materials in a research project. Kid just kept chanting, “Zero tolerance!” and squeaking a plastic judge’s hammer.

By: The Hamster King

The Hamster King — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

I never realized Pedobear was part of the Chinese zodiac. That’s something they don’t tell you on your chopstick sleeve!

When is the next Year of the Pedobear?

By: turn_self_off

turn_self_off — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Heh, t. top actually got a point about the good and bad about computers.

By: ClintonD

ClintonD — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

I loled hard at “Julian Assange”

By: Stefan Jones

Stefan Jones — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

That’s not an oppossum. It’s clearly a fox. FISAless Fox, maybe?

By: penguinchris

penguinchris — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

OK, ignoring the fake names and the PedoFriends for a moment, is anyone else curious whether or not kids actually respond to these kinds of things?

It seems like the only way anyone knows how to get kids interested in things like this is to make cartoon characters. But they look like they were drawn by Pam in marketing, not a professional artist, and that they were designed by a committee. In other words, they look *really lame* and not something kids would actually be interested in.

Or… maybe that’s their filter. If the kid does actually like this, then that means they’ll fit in to the government agency culture (not to say anything bad about the NSA – I have applied to work there).

By: Brainspore

Brainspore — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

I dunno man, my kids seem to have just an unspeakable tolerance for shitty cartoons.

What Ted8305 and Donald Petersen said- if you’re still remembering ’80s cartoons as non-shitty works of art then you probably haven’t watched any of them lately. Leaving aside the fact that most of them were 20-minute toy commercials (periodically punctuated by 30-second toy commercials) the writing and production values sucked. About 40% of each episode of Voltron was recycled footage and the last time I saw an excerpt of “The Smurfs” I realized that the characters’ high-pitched voices hit my adult ears like nails on a chalkboard.

Compared to what we were watching at that age Spongebob Squarepants is Citizen freakin’ Kane.

By: jackie31337

jackie31337 — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Yep, here are the official character bios: Crypto Cat Decipher Dog Rosetta Stone T. Top Joules Slate CSS Sam CryptoKids have been around for a few years at least. The FBI and CIA also have some similar kids' pages. I'm really not sure what they're trying to accomplish. Maybe it was some kind of government mandate.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Futanari, if I remember correctly, translates as roughly “two forms”. So by the literal translation it could mean any person bearing sexual characteristics from both genders, but I’ve been given to understand that in the Japanese ero market, it typically refers specifically to women with at least aspects of both types of genitalia.
Newhalf is used to refer to people with bodies of one sex (eg, the secondary sexual characteristics) but the genitalia of the other.

Guro can mean both gore and grotesque; gore referring to sexualized depictions of murder and mutilation; grotesque referring to sexualized depictions of, ah, “rarities”, eg, conjoined people, people with extraordinary numbers of piercings, people with multiples of limbs but who not otherwise fantastic, etc.