Dick move: "friend" tattoos giant penis on pal's back

Perhaps you are familiar with the acronym UFIA? Now there's UPOB, unsolicited penis on back. An Aussie tattooed a 19-inch penis on his pal's back, and now faces criminal charges (via).


  1. Man, I wish there were a picture! Or at least for the article tp actually say what the “misspelled slogan implying the man is gay” was.

    1. There was a line at the top of the penis graphic labeled “You must be at least this high to ride this ride.”

      All right, I made that up, but it should have been that.

      Seriously, I’m glad the so-called “friend” is facing criminal charges. He should have to pay to have the tattoo removed, and have a penis tattooed on his face, and be forbidden to remove it.

  2. I had to laugh when I read this bit:

    The bloke started doing the tattoo and there was another bloke standing there watching saying, ‘Mate, it’s looking really good.’

    Typical aussie humour!

  3. “he said he wanted a Yin and Yang symbol with some dragons”

    To be fair, the “friend” may as well have done a giant penis instead. Sounds a lot easier.

  4. That’s what is scary about “Back” tattoos… I wanted a picture of a 6″ Penis on my back, and instead I received a tattoo of a little guy playing a piano.

    Go figure.

    1. Yeah – the old jokes are always the best! Must have heard that years ago, except it was a guy finding an old oil lamp, producing a genie after rubbing it (of course!) and got a wish. Asked for a 12″ penis. Well… got a little piano player. Still , nice to hear a variant! :-)

  5. In his defence, you can’t get a more Yangish symbol than that. And the slogan implying he was gay could be construed by some English majors as being Yin-ish symbolism. OK, it’s pretty indefensible.

  6. Warning: If you Google UFIA, you’ll be entering the land of attack sites. Proceed with caution.

  7. UPOB also stands for “unsolicited penises on BoingBoing.” :-P

    From the article:
    “Police have charged a 21-year-old man from Bundamba, near Ipswich, with two counts of assault occasioning bodily harm and one offence relating to the public safety act.”

    How do you turn an act of tattooing into an assault and a breach of public safety? (Maybe the tattoo “artist” wasn’t licensed.)

    1. It became assault because he gave him the wrong tattoo. The permission he was granted to stick needles into his alleged friend’s back was conditional on the resulting pattern; when he used another pattern, he lost that permission, and his action became the same as if he’d stuck needles in a stranger without asking.

      Also, I understand that the victim got roughed up when some guys saw the tat.

      This tattooist is a piece of shit, make no mistake.

  8. ‘‘When he got home he showed it to the person he lives with and she said: ‘I dont think it’s the tattoo you were after’.


    Starwars reference FTW

  9. That’s what I love about Australia, our larakinism follows through where other countries fear to tread. I mean, people might joke about something like this, but no one would ever, ever, seriously consider actually doing it, ever, in a million years, it would be unconscionable.

    Except in Queensland. I bet they were all pissed.

  10. If I’m ever in need of plastic surgery, remind me to find a surgeon with no sense of humor whatsoever.

  11. “Your honor, I wish to enact the Code of Hammurabi in lieu of financial compensation. I think the same tattoo on my friend’s forehead would be appropriate.”

    1. How about “Poor Impulse Control” on his forehead, perhaps?
      I bet Singapore would go for that one though I would advise them against upsetting a fully armed nuclear power.

  12. FYI the link you provided to the UFIA google search has its first image result integrated in the search. The first image actually goes to a malicious attack site.

    Might wanna just link to a know-your-meme or directly to whatever other page next time.

  13. what is impossible or unconceivable behaviour is to queenslanders pretty much normal.

    see/read: he died with a felafel in his hand (youtube) for a quick taste.

    1. Discretion being the better part of valor, I have chosen not to watch that video.

      Note to self: Queensland is a place to be avoided.

      Do Queenslanders behave when they go to civilized places?

  14. Hmmm… if I’d had a disagreement with a fellow whom I’d known a long while- long enough to be familiar with his character— I would not choose him to do a large back piece. Surely, the tattoo-ee must have known the tattooer was a shithead with a juvenile sense of humor and a propensity to hold grudges. In fact, if I had unresolved beef with someone, I wouldn’t allow them to tattoo me.

    I’m in no way excusing the tattooer’s act: that was a very fucked-up thing to do. Just sayin’.

  15. I was pretty sure that he wrote “dicktation” a la Jonah Takalua on Summer Heights High – images.google.com and look for dicktation +Jonah.

  16. This is actually a time-honored prison prank. I can remember a variant as far back as the mid-90’s. That time a snitch wanted a big eagle on his back but the tattoo artist gave him a giant penis and the word ‘f****t’. Dollars to doughnuts that, friends, the ‘slogan’ isn’t going to turn out to be much more interesting than that. I think up and breaking the social contract by doing the tattoo in the first place was as funny as this one’s going to get. Let’s see this Maldivian tourist wedding article now …

  17. “Police said the pair had a disagreement before the tattooing.”

    Perfect time to let him tattoo you!!

  18. Wow. Just reading the background to the UFIA thing, it’s pretty stunning that it apparently wasn’t seen as an offence.

    In my jurisdiction (Northern Ireland) provided that the prosecutorial team could show that the penetration was in some way sexually motivated- and it might be trickier to show that it wasn’t- the owner of the finger could be looking at a life sentence.

  19. As for UFIA, wrestlers call that an “oil check.” It’s a technique for distracting an opponent. That’s not an excuse, of course.

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