TSA: checkpoint groping doesn't exist

You know those outraged, desperate first-person reports of travellers being inappropriately groped by the TSA at American airports? The TSA's official blogger, Blogger Bob, says they don't exist: "there is no fondling, squeezing, groping, or any sort of sexual assault taking place at airports. You have a professional workforce carrying out procedures they were trained to perform to keep aviation security safe." (Thanks, Ross!)

I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

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Comedian

Blinders firmly in place, the TSA trotted past issuing a denial and galloped all the way to argumentum ad ignorantiam.

Baghdad Bob would be proud.
angusm

I won’t believe it until I hear the government deny it.
anansi133

I’ve been reading some vague hints of a “superweapon” being used in Iraq- some speculation that it’s a way of identifying individuals based on their movements, their IR signature, their chemical fingerprint, or some combination of those things.

I wonder if maybe these naked scanners are being used to generate such profiles here at home? Then they could pick any of us out of a crowd as if we were Al Qaeda.

In any case, it’s clear that the airports are the training ground for the next version of Brownshirts. You can’t run a fascist regime without a large number of thugs willing to mess people up.
tmccartney

If I ever get one of these “enhanced” pat-downs, you’d better believe I’m going to softly murmur, “Oh, yeah, that’s the spot. Right. There. Yeaaaaaahhhhh.”
Anonymous

> Aviation security is in danger?

Sure it is, if enough of the public stop to think about what a crock of sh*t it is.
falnfenix

i wonder if any other ladies have considered buying a prosthetic penis (no, not a dildo – a “flaccid” packy) specifically to confuse TSA “officials?”
- Anonymous
  
  Funny you should mention that. I’m a trans man (FtM transsexual), and I’ve NEVER packed when I go to the airport b/c I’m sure my dick would show up looking like plastic explosive in my pants. My home airport only has the n00dscanners, so now I am not entirely sure what I should do. Either way, it looks like I’m destined for molestation at the airport. Pack, and be singled out for a pat-down based on what shows up on the scanner, or not pack and have the TSO end up concerned/confused when the “enhanced” pat-down turns up the fact that I don’t have any balls for “resistance”.
  
  I have a flight planned in January. I’m pretty nervous about it.
  - falnfenix
    
    I can imagine the difficulty of your situation, and I can only imagine the situation. It didn’t occur to me that it would look like plastic explosive…that just makes it even worse.
    
    Ugh. Screw flying, I’m buying a camper. If that’s even a remote option for you, consider it.
Promethean Sky

In february I’ll be flying for the first time since 9/11. My plan: A kilt and lacy underwear. And if that doesn’t work well enough, I’ll take some viagra before the flight home.
PTBartman

@Duffong

“I have a relatively serious (but kinda sarcastic) question, because I’m thinking of doing this… will these folks just get all pissy if I tell them “I’m looking forward to getting my nuts squeezed.”? And, or before they start I was thinking of critiquing their security theater technique – “oh you’re doing a fine job, I actually feel intimidated and like a potential criminal.”

Would this just enrage them? I have a smart ass streak that’s never gotten me in trouble, but I’ve come really really close.”

Personally I would just smile, moan “YES Oh My God YESSSSS” afew times, and try to light a cigarette afterward. Of course trying to get off (pun semi intended) the no-fly list afters can be a pain but any good performance art comes (again semi-intended) with a price.
dculberson

Rather than any outright sexy moaning or the like, I think a nicely emphasized “how you doin’?” at the right moment would be very effective.
user23

anyone noticed the Orwellian double-speak the TSA has been using lately?

the article that was in the press a couple of days ago..in which the TSA agent at the airport said “This is how it’s always been…” (sorry for the weak reference)and now this?
insert

Broken link is broken.
badtux

And the chocolate ration shall be raised to 20 grams this week. If you believe that the chocolate ration was 30 grams last week, you misremember and need to turn yourself in for thoughtcrime, citizen! And if you misremember women reporting being in inappropriately groped, well, same thing there too. Report for re-education camp in the morning, citizen!
BWJones

Dunno, I flew to San Jose from Salt Lake City last Thursday and it sure felt like a grope. Though I did not perceive it as a sexual assault, it sure felt like I was being treated like a criminal with a police style frisk down for simply wearing a vest with the jacket removed and placed in the x-ray machine. I was informed that I was getting frisked because of the vest.
Antinous / Moderator

Fixed. Hopefully.
flatfive

Oh. Well. If they say so, it must be true. Certainly an anonymous agent of the government with a semi-cute alliterative name wouldn’t be trying to misdirect us.
sapere_aude

I wouldn’t advise anyone to do anything that might annoy the TSA screeners â€“ especially anything that might get you detained, aggressively frisked, strip searched, or even arrested. Besides, the screeners are just doing their job. They don’t make the policies. So annoying them is not going to change anything.

If you really want to put an end to these intrusive screening procedures, the best thing you can do is boycott air travel entirely. Once the airlines start losing business they’ll pressure the government into changing its airport security screening policies.

Also, air travelers who have been body scanned or groped by TSA screeners ought to get together and see if they can persuade the ACLU to file a class action suit on their behalf for invasion of privacy, unlawful search and seizure in violation of the Fourth Amendment, and even battery (i.e. touching you without your consent) and false imprisonment (i.e. detaining you without just cause). A successful lawsuit resulting in a court ruling against the TSA would be the surest way of getting rid of these intrusive screening methods.
Anonymous

Horse hooey. I’ve never met a “professional” TSA agent.
IronEdithKidd

Serious questionss: what mechanisms do we, as citizens, have to bring this utter farce to a close? Class action lawsuit? Clearly writting to my Congresscritters won’t go anywhere as none of them have to fly with the rest of the chattle. ACLU has chimed in on this particular “enhanced pat-down” in the past, where the hell are they right now? This shit has to stop before it’s too late. As if the prospect of our near future as a 3rd world country isn’t bad enough, do we have to live with it being a banana republic on top of it all?

We’ll be driving 900 miles in a couple weeks with an 18 month old in tow. Should we need to fly internationally anytime soon, we’ll be crossing to Canada to do it. I’ll take the 14 hour car ride for domestic travel every time rather than wilfully submitting to the erosion of my constitutional rights.
- PathogenAntifreeze
  
  I’m with you on everything except “constitutional rights.” This is a really common mistake in language and sometimes thinking among US citizens.
  
  The Constitution of the US regulates, defines, and limits government. The “Bill of Rights” explicitly prohibits the government from infringing on some of our intrinsic rights.
  
  Our rights are intrinsic, should be inalienable in a just and decent and “free” society. Theists would call these “God-given rights.”
  
  What is eroding is not our constitutional rights. What is eroding is the honor and respect to the constitutional prohibitions to our government trampling our intrinsic rights. This erosion comes not only from government employees and elected persons seeking to enrich themselves from the backscatter machine manufacturers et al, but also from the cowardly people who are so terribly frightened by movie-plot shenanigans that they are fine with being demeaned in exchange for some security theater. These cowards are so great in number, that even if your congress persons only had democratic ideals influencing them and not corporate campaign funding, they’d still perpetuate this charade.
  
  The constitution was a really nice idea, but I’m glad my rights do not depend on it or derive from it, given how well respected that document is by our government.
Anonymous

If I, with no magic cop pants, tin shield broach, or shiny hat; were to approach you, and run my hands over your chest and crotch against your wishes, what would that be called? Would I be arrested? What would they charge me with?

How about if I told you I was doing it out of a concern for your safety? Would that change anything?
insert

“Enhanced patdown,” Blogger Bob calls it. Seems like Orwell was off a little bit with Newspeak — it seems we don’t talk about “plusgood,” but instead “enhancedgood” or “enhancedinterrogation”.
Jeffrey Meyer

Current Threat Level: Elevated

… in more ways than one. Boi-oi-oing!
Anonymous

You all do realize that Opt Out Day is coming up, right? http://www.optoutday.com/

Why not take what little control we have as passengers back from the TSA? Creating long lines of opt-outs will mean they can’t perform the intimidation pat-down theatre; the staff will be overwhelmed, and THEY’LL be just as demoralized as the passengers. … unless they get their jollies by touching random strangers, and there are groups out to have those people removed from the TSA anyway.

Concerned parents should consider asking about a no-pedophile policy.

Remember, the TSA employees make only slightly more than minimum wage. They will crack sooner or later. Opt-outs are going to help them get to that conclusion faster.

The x-ray cancer risk has not been proven, nor disproven because the machines haven’t been around long enough, and they aren’t consistent from place to place. BUT the radiation released is intended, specifically, to not pass through skin (i.e. be absorbed by it), you do the math.
dan

“There is no fondling, squeezing, groping, or any sort of sexual assault taking place at airports.” I guess this rape survivor is lying about her breasts being squeezed and her genitals touched?
- Anonymous
  
  They’re not saying that the touching isn’t happening – just that they’re not getting off on it.
  
  We have instead “a professional workforce carrying out procedures they were trained to perform” – like a bored hooker.
BumperPress

Do you remember those little “trick” gadgets that gave you a little shock when someone shook your hand? Maybe someone will invent an advanced anti-groping device or ornament and wear it in the appropriate place that will deliver sufficient voltage to a TSA agent who gropes them, enough to knock them on their rear end.
Mark Levitt

The best way to stop this is to write to the airlines and explain that you’ll be driving instead of flying. If they get enough letters like that, they’ll put significant pressure on the TSA.
PFR

“I did not have sex with that woman.” – Bill Clinton

“there is no fondling, squeezing, groping, or any sort of sexual assault taking place at airports.” – TSA

Guess it all depends on the definition of words…
turtlemom

I was given the pat down just last Sunday, also because I had on a sweater that concealed my waist and back. The woman TSA rep was very professional and apologized for having to touch me on my upper torso. She did not touch any private parts at all, and she was exceptionally courteous. To me it was no different than the pat down I received in Manila last year.
giuliano

So if I were to touch an unwilling 3rd party in exactly the same way, would I be hailed as a well trained professional, or arrested for sexual assault … cause if someone gropes me against my will, it’s sexual assault, and I don’t care if they’ve been trained as a professional.

And it has to be said: the other folks who have been well trained are an entirely different sort of professional.

And lastly, wouldn’t if be cool if 50% of folks standing in line declined the naked scan. It will never happen of course, but it would sure get the security theater management to think about whether these machines are worth it.
Anonymous

just another reason to take the train.
Anonymous

Procedure for male “opt-outs”:

Thin pants

Commando

Quote from Duck Job: “Roll them around in a circle”, “Who’s
your daddy?!”

Hey: if we’re going to go French and surrender, we should have fun!
Anonymous

I had my testicles touched 4 times today after selecting an alternative screening procedure, rather than submitting to a backscatter xray device. I fly a lot, but this was the first time since the “enhanced patdown”. I can verify that there was a deliberate attempt to intimidate others from opting out, by calling out several times “male opt out”, having me stand at the side like a “problem”, and then seriously groping my upper thighs, butt crack, and scrotal area. But you will hear no one in the TSA admit that this is security theater at best – a minimal improvement in security for a serious degradation of personal liberty and privacy guaranteed in the 4th amendment. In any other circumstance I could sue for sexual harassment and win *easily*. And in the end, this does little to actually improve security – they still can’t effectively screen bags / cargo, most airplane maintenance is done outside the US by unscreened individuals, thousands of airport workers enter the secure area everyday without being screened, and in the end, someone can just blow up a bomb *at the checkpoint*! Call your congressman, opt-out of the naked (cancer-causing) screening machines every time, and spread the word about how invasive the new screening machines are. The images are so detailed a TSA worker can tell if a women is menstruating. I feel sorry for those of you with children, who will be viewed naked by some weird TSA creep behind a curtain. “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.” Benjamin Franklin
- Cowicide
  
  I had my testicles touched 4 times today
  
  Sigh.. never thought I’d see the day when boingboing becomes nothing more than a Penthouse Letters forum.
  
  naked (cancer-causing) screening machines every time
  
  Has that been proven at all? I thought it was just as bad as walking through some wifi signals?
  
  this is security theater at best
  
  Agreed.
  - Anonymous
    
    “Has that been proven at all? I thought it was just as bad as walking through some wifi signals?”
    
    I’m not aware of any wifi units that produce significant backscatter radiation.
Marc

I refused the scanner over a week ago during the height of the toner cartridge hysteria. The pat-down was professionally done, all touches were explained, hand lightly up the crotch until “resistance”. Almost exactly the same as the “enhanced” pat-down I received shortly after Christmas. My only issue was that I had to wait around in a cordoned off area for 20 minutes after refusing the scanner, I intentionally arrived early expecting problems.

I was departing on a domestic flight from the SFO International terminal, exactly half of the security lanes had scanners rather than metal detectors. If one chose a lane with a metal detector (which I did), an agent could decide at the last moment to instead send you through the scanner. My guess is that the metal detectors will be gone by summer at some terminals, which likely means no more opt-out…
- brilliant at breakfast
  
  I had a similar experience in Fort Lauderdale recently. I explained exactly why I was opting out (with mammograms and dental x-rays every year, I get enough radiation every year, thank you very much). The grope wasn’t as bad as I expected, and the agent was very professional. When I told her why I opted out, she said “I don’t blame you one bit.” I wonder what risks they are exposed to from stray rays for 8 hours a day, given that the scanners are open.
  
  I wrote about my experience here:
  
  http://brilliantatbreakfast.blogspot.com/2010/11/security-theatre.html
llazy8

As if my evening couldn’t get any more chin-scratchingly psychedelic, not Dr. Seuss but a government official named Blogger Bob said: “Please keep pat-down discussions in the Enhanced Pat-down post”. Blogger Bob and the Pat Down Discussions in the Pat Down Post. Except the government things (rightly) that we will lap this up. Gonna need an aspirin tomorrow morning. Christ. Anyway.

‘Enhanced Pat Down’. That was generated by Rob’s NYT Torture Euphemism Generator, right? Is the TSA paying royalties? (http://boingboing.net/2010/10/22/torture.html)

I went ahead and read the Enhanced Pat Down Post http://blog.tsa.gov/2010/08/enhanced-pat-downs.html and have a nifty little excerpt here:

“Passengers who opt out of enhanced screening such as advanced imaging technology will receive AN EQUIVALENT LEVEL of screening to include a thorough pat-down” (caps mine)

Equivalent to seeing my chichis nekkid might just be jiggling them a little bit, no? I think every man decides for himself what’s equivalent to nudity but not naked. Blogger Bob seems to concur:

“You shouldnâ€™t expect to see the same security procedures at every airport. Our security measures are designed to be UNPREDICTABLE and are constantly assessed and updated to address evolving threats”. (again, caps mine)

When are they going to start shouting “Kancho!”?
MarkM

Wow, Im so glad to hear that all the numerous complaints I’ve previously heard are all completely false! But just to be clear: reports of gropings are all false, but what of the reports of placement of dummy cocaine stashes? should I un-remember those also?
Duffong

I have a relatively serious (but kinda sarcastic) question, because I’m thinking of doing this… will these folks just get all pissy if I tell them “I’m looking forward to getting my nuts squeezed.”? And, or before they start I was thinking of critiquing their security theater technique – “oh you’re doing a fine job, I actually feel intimidated and like a potential criminal.”

Would this just enrage them? I have a smart ass streak that’s never gotten me in trouble, but I’ve come really really close.
- Anonymous
  
  I’d guess witty remarks and sarcastic attitudes will, if agents involved are having a bad day, be taken as ‘refusal to cooperate’ and make you become their guest long enough to lose your flight or worse, and make you think twice before trying it next time.
  
  I don’t envy the TSA people jobs. I’m sure most of them are also tired and aware of the futility of the whole theater. But hey, those scanners have been paid, better use them. Certain DHS functionary worked so very hard to get those contracts for one of his client’s companies: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/12/31/AR2009123102821.html
- knoxblox
  
  How about, “I’ve got a hard-on just thinking about what’s about to happen!”
Anonymous

By the way, maybe some legal boingers can help me out with this one: Is the government even allowed to moderate comments on government hosted websites?

-Ross
- lemonlime
  
  I think they could moderate comments to check for vulgarity, threats, etc. But it would violate the First Amendment to moderate comments based on the commenter’s criticism of the TSA.
- saru
  
  The first amendment prohibits them from moving to prevent your speech from being published.
  It entails absolutely no obligation for them to disseminate your speech.
- Anonymous
  
  >maybe some legal boingers can help me out with this one:
  >Is the government even allowed to moderate comments on
  >government hosted websites?
  
  Why would they not?
Damien

If it’s not intimidation and sexual harassment as claimed by the TSA mouthpiece, I’d like to know what distinguishes the Enhanced Patdown from an everyday, run-of-the-mill patdown.
What’s next, the Supersize Patdown?
Ugly Canuck

I can’t help but notice that people posting here mention groping as if it were a bad thing.

Well, here’s an ancient folksong which celebrates groping…group groping, in fact.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpaygD2_Mfw

Apparently, “group groping” was a kind of philosophy back then.
How times change.
- I Like Cake
  
  It’s almost like people’s perception of groping changes when it becomes “unwanted,” or is used to officially authorize sexual abuse as a tactic to discourage dissent.
  
  Whatever happened to people’s sense of adventure?
tgvaughan

“You have a professional workforce carrying out procedures they were trained to perform to keep aviation security safe.”

Aviation security is in danger?
- jonw
  
  Indeed. We have no security but security itself.
- llazy8
  
  Ha! And Love’s in Need of Love Today. Good eyes, man, good eyes.
Mark Temporis

Plan ahead! Don’t wash down there. Go commando underneath loose-fitting shorts.

Betcha they don’t touch you any more than they need to.
Norman

If it’s not groping, how can it be effective?

And do they touch children? Tough choice, put my kids through the x-ray, or let some random guy touch them all over.

We’re planning to go to Disneyworld next spring, maybe that’ll have to change.
jackie31337

I’ve often considered simply taking all my clothes off at the security checkpoint, but I suspect that would (ironically) get me charged with indecent exposure. I wonder how it would go over if I stripped down to a bikini to go through the checkpoint.
Teller

Any chance we can choose our patter-downer?
shannigans

There is also no sex in the champagne room only a professional workforce carrying out procedures they were trained to perform.
CatherineCC

More lies and utter bullshit from the TSA.
I forget the name of the agent who was arrested after dragging people into camera blindspots and sexually assaulting them, but I remember it was pretty recently. I also know that wasn’t an isolated case.

But arguing facts with the TSA is like arguing logic with the catholic church. Deny, discredit, ignore.
Kessie

Airport personnel also once told me, when I refused to check my guitar, that their baggage handlers do not toss bags, as I watched from the terminal window bags being tossed onto the conveyor. I think the higher-ups have an overly-rosy view of what actually happens on the ground. I, for one, will be driving home for the holidays.
- daev
  
  I hear you there. It’s gotta suck to be one of those that has to fly. I can get 2000 miles in 2 days by car and stay for 12 days. It’s worth the 2 days in the car.
JayConverse

Wife and I are attending our niece’s wedding next week, 620 miles away. We’re driving, of course. It’s much cheaper, and only a couple hours slower. No pat-downs, no lines, the seats are bigger, we can have any refreshments we want.

My wife’s only complaint is that I’m loading up my iPod with 20 hours of NPR.

We can afford to fly. So tell us why.
- mindysan33
  
  I agree with you on this Jay. It’s not worth being treated like a criminal in my own country just to get there a few hours sooner (or not, depending on where you are going). I guess the only problem is getting cross country (3 or 4 days driving, I guess v. how many hours in a plane?) and flying off the continent. One could always learn to fly a plane (a small, non-commercial plane, I mean).
devophill

Blogger Bob? Pshh, I knew him back when he was know as Baghdad.
Kevin Carson

So it just didn’t happen? That’s it? If there are any surviving defendants from the Nuremberg Trials, I’ll bet they’re kicking themselves for not trying that one.