The tantalyzingly named "Secular Products" asked readers of the January, 1960 issue of Inside Story: "Do you want power?"
Power to make you victorious in all you undertake? Power to make people admire you? Power to earn money? Power to gain popularity-love? Power to make anyone follow you? I will send you information which is the result of scientific research. This information and directions will help you become more masterful and exert greater influence. You will be able to break prevailing misconceptions. IF YOU ARE NOT DELIGHTED, YOUR MONEY IMMEDIATELY REFUNDED. Just send your name and address. Pay on delivery $2.00 plus postage or send $2.00 cash or money order and I will pay postage.
DO YOU WANT POWER? (Jan, 1960)


    1. Or perhaps even “tantalizingly”? I like the subconscious connection between tantalizing someone and paralyzing them being made here, though.

      The spelling in the original post makes it sound like the work of some malevolent Aztec god. All hail Tanatlzingl!

  1. The wording may be comical, but the promises are the same ones being made by all the snake-oil salesmen on the Internet today, including all the ‘Law of Attraction/The Secret’ folks. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même arnaque.

  2. Do I!
    And I could really use a Talismanic Seal of Luck in blood-red ink on Egyptian mottled parchment too!
    That sound like the price of admission on its own!

  3. Dick Cavett wrote a joke years ago:

    “I ate at a German/Chinese restaurant. An hour later, I was hungry for power.”

  4. I want the power to make all snake oil scammers / easy answer peddlers like this go away (yes, I’m looking at you, Scientologists.)

  5. Sure, I want power. But I’m thinking more like shooting lasers from my eyes or mentally controlling all metal.

  6. This sounds like something a video game protagonist would order. Once they get it, they’ll finally be able to construct my utopian city under the ocean / in the air / on the moon.

    1. Power and scientific research? I think this is pretty clearly an antagonist-aimed advertisement. Protagonists are all about heart, the poor fools.

    1. According to the Goog, either Matthews Prime Meats or Tutor Time Childcare now reside at that address – hopefully not both.
      Or perhaps this is related to the secret of power.

      1. Don’t ever fall behind in your tuition payments to Tutor Time. The toddlers lie awake naptimes, whispering of the odd-smelling fumes that belched forth from the Matthews chimneys, the week that the Jovanovich twins defaulted on their “Mommy and Me” contract, never to be seen again…

  7. I drive by the world headquarters of the company that publishes The Secret on the way to work.

    You think they’d be able to do a lot better for themselves than a suite in a rather bland office park.

  8. Hah! I wouldn’t send this man a dime. He is a foolish, foolish man. Oral Roberts and Herbert Armstrong were making much more money hawking non-secular products using very, very similar methods.

    I’m glad to report that, after a long virtual journey and extensive surveillance, 504 ‘Hicksville’ Road appears to be the home of Tutor Time Daycare. (Street view: ) HOWEVER: Massapequa has a VERY strange address scheme indeed (just try a drive up Hicksville for yourself! my god … it’s MILES! from the 700s to the 500s – MILES!). So it may be that the building across the street -is also- 504 Hicksville, and it appears to have once been a Masonic fire station or something with a strange crest on the front I’ve been unable to decode. So you might want to be on your guard despite the innocuous-sounding ‘Tutor Time’. You might not like what you learn!

    The whole thing reminds me of certain Ishtarian SF stories, truth be told. But, it’s your $2.

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