What it's like to be a cocaine submarine captain


28 Responses to “What it's like to be a cocaine submarine captain”

  1. kaleb says:

    That’s dangerous. Drugs are to be avoided.

  2. Lobster says:

    And just think of how long it takes to work your way up to Drug Sub Captain. He probably started out swabbing the decks on the thing.

  3. BurningChrome says:

    Its easy to jump up on ones soapbox when talking about an illegal substance. Im curious about the tone of some of the comments if this was a story related to coffee production or the more ubiquitous cotton plant.

    • johnphantom says:

      Or alcohol.

      • user23 says:

        or sugar…or non-organic chocolate.

        I like a little child-slave labor with my morning Mocha.

        • Anonymous says:

          Organic != Fairtrade

          • user23 says:

            true, true.

            organic ≠ fair trade.

            however, I was referring to chocolate and slavery. slavery in this industry by and large occurs in africa. these plantations are low balling their production costs of cacao in every way they can…which, of course, means using free (slave) labor.

            anyway, you can do some googling about it if you like.

            my point is: organic chocolate (which isn’t always fair trade) is not produced with child slave labor. If you know of an instance, do please inform me.

            anyway, gotta’ go. there’s a beefy rail with my name on it waiting on my GF’s sexy, flat belly.

  4. Elijah says:

    all to provide a precious commodity for politicians, businessmen, their wives, their hookers and their hooker’s pimps, musicians, fans and every other form a cokehead takes. it so sought after no one on this side of the market cares about the pain and suffering those involved in the production and distribution end endure. blissfully unaware during their 15 minute high.

  5. mdh says:

    Ya know, in my 37 years I have yet to meet a cokehead i could tolerate, Using or not, they’re selfish asses to the nth degree. This article just makes it all sound so much sexier.

    all you coke users, you guys have the greatest. habit. ever.


  6. karl_jones says:

    Might this serve as an instructive model for deep space travel?

    Seriously: what if we don’t get shiny capsules and hypersleep? What if we’re forced to improvise?

    Would we go to space in drug barges under a command economy?

    What kind of people — what kind of society? — could endure such pressure?

  7. owza says:


  8. Anonymous says:

    We all live in a yellow, brown, green…..summerine.

  9. ackpht says:

    But drug abuse is a victimless crime, didn’t you know?

    • Anonymous says:

      It only has a victim whilst it remains an illegal activity.

      Ironically it’s governments that create the dirty side to drug use; not the users.

  10. Ronald Pottol says:

    Surprised at how lame all of that is. For instance, run the engine intake up to the inside of the bow, and I would expect that to do a decent job at keeping the air inside the sub tolerable, as the motor is pulling a fair bit of air through, and you are not totally inept at getting the exhaust out. Use plastic bags for the toilet, tie them off when done, and things should be ok.

    But from reading the article, it seems they have real subs now.

  11. Deidzoeb says:

    Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Undersea Blow
    Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Cartel
    Pirates of the Caribbean: At Neoliberalism’s End
    (srly, this is what piracy looks like)

  12. HereticGestalt says:

    @Elijah, ackpht: I hope you don’t have any ‘Made in China’ tags on your clothing, shoes, or any other items likely to have been made under hellish labor conditions.

    Pushing the production of psychoactives out of the ambit of labor standards enforcement via prohibition is the efficient cause here, not US consumers.

    • Moriarty says:

      “Pushing the production of psychoactives out of the ambit of labor standards enforcement via prohibition is the efficient cause here, not US consumers.”

      I agree, but I think the real problem is not so much that it’s unregulated as it is illegal. Yeah, it’s miserable and dangerous and supports and is controlled by violent thugs… because we’re at “war” with it.

    • GIFtheory says:

      “I hope you don’t have any ‘Made in China’ tags on your clothing, shoes, or any other items likely to have been made under hellish labor conditions.”

      About a year ago, a dead Mexican marine’s family was killed at his funeral, because he died in the state’s efforts to take down a cartel. A little over a week ago, the mother of an informant in Colombia was murdered by narcotraffickers. In 2008, there were over 4000 narcotrafficking-related deaths in Mexico alone. Of course, none of this would have happened were it not for the cokeheads–but really, people who buy Chinese goods are just as bad. Fucking Chinese.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Elijah: if only they knew what’s really in there.. blissfully unaware is right..

    Diego and the other workers were encouraged to spit into the tubs holding gas and coca, and even pass spit-mugs around the camp, under the premise that saliva helped the extraction process. Workers were also encouraged to ash their cigarettes into the vats, perhaps because traditional coca chewers sometimes added a dab of quicklime or the ash of burned quinoa plants to their wad of coca. (Diego said he wasn’t sure why.)

    Then there were the unauthorized additives. “Sometimes we’d piss or shit in the vats, just to be fuckers,” Diego said. “Only the rich use cocaine, and we thought it was funny.”


  14. ojezap says:

    “Colombian,” Cory, not “Columbian.”

  15. freshacconci says:

    Yes, everybody. Life is shit. We all consume stuff that is produced by people who suffer in very real ways. Hopefully, we can change those things if we’re aware and smart about it (and hell, do something about it). Does that mean we can’t criticize coke-heads for their habits which are directly supporting such levels of human misery? And I’m not talking about shit-filled subs. What about the people that actually die just so some asshole can be more of an asshole for a few minutes?

    Isn’t there some net law akin to Godwin or Poe that deals with comments that attempt to shut up criticism with haranguing rhetoric? Who are you to criticize coke-heads? You drink coffee!

    If not, there should be.

  16. John Napsterista says:

    Submersible homesick cocaine blues.

  17. Anonymous says:

    “An estimated 5 million Colombians are believed to be directly or indirectly involved in the drug trade”.

    That’s 11% of the population gainfully employed providing a renewable comodity in high demand.

    Yes, workers are being screwed. But do you think they’d prefer to lose their work because people stopped buying their product, continue being screwed by their black market bosses, or maybe have some sort of chance at improving the situation if the whole business was legalized?

  18. RedShirt77 says:

    Sad that the drug trade doesn’t fund more bond villians. They had better subs.

  19. karl_jones says:

    As to China and illegal drug trafficking, see Opium wars.

    British silver, indeed all European silver, was thought to drift Eastward, ultimately accumulating in the coffers of Imperial China.

    China bought damned little from Europeans. What did Europe have that China wanted?

    Much consternation in Whitehall. What to do?

    Aha: opium plantations throughout the Indian colonies, and ruthless traffickers on Shanghai wharves.

    With planning and patience, and a bureaucracy such as only the Foreign Office could love, millions of Chinese were lured into addiction.

    Addictive drugs as trade balancer.

Leave a Reply