Cthulhu sex-toys!


45 Responses to “Cthulhu sex-toys!”

  1. Jonah says:

    I wonder what would happen if someone started selling these in Alabama (which has a ban on the sale of sex toys). If you are selling dildos that are also works of art, it seems like you would have a pretty strong first amendment defense. (Of course, anyone who actually want to try this should probably get in touch with the ACLU first and/or have the means to finance a multi-year legal dispute with the state of Alabama.)

  2. captain_cthulhu says:

    Cannot unsee or unname!

    what strange geometries! I fear an eldritch infection in her feotid nether-regions!

  3. danegeld says:

    a bit NSFW!!!

  4. Randwulf says:

    Inspired by the twisted writings of H.P. “Love”craft.

  5. Tim says:

    The one on the right of the image is seriously disturbing; I don’t get the “Lovecraft” vibe from it but rather a “dead, decaying and rotting penis” feel.

    That’s just creepy.

  6. facetedjewel says:

    Reply to Anon #24

    ‘Once they discover their purpose, the aliens will silently shake their heads in disapproval, pack their belongings, and leave.’

    Should alien archeologists visit our fair planet, and ‘pick over the ruined remains of humanity’, there may be much that will meet with their disapproval, novelty sex toys being far down on the list. What humans might have used to pleasure themselves or each other, would not make the top 1000 puzzlers about our species.

    I kinda get the middle one and the one of the left – ribbed for pleasure, but the one on the right? – ew.

  7. KanedaJones says:

    heheh this just reminds me of this NSFW place..


    strangely enough on my journeys I keep bumping into people who use their products – man I need to find places to hang out in with less ‘creative; types.

  8. karl_jones says:

    De gustibus non disputandum est.

  9. karl_jones says:

    I get the impression that Lovecraft feared the Female … all that business about miscegenation and warped offspring.

    If there’s a market for Lovecraft dildoes, surely there’s a market for Chthulhu dolls with lifelike latex orifices?

    And by “lifelike”, I mean fangs and dribbling mucus, and a disquieting, evil stench of rank foetor and miasma ….

  10. Anonymous says:

    Our new buddy Donald Douglas (he of the tag line “Keeping an eye on the communist-left so you don’t have to!”) has linked to this post with his trademark brand of neocon snark:
    “Why Progressives Read Boing Boing
    No wonder they demonize people of faith and romanticize atheists: ‘Cthulhu sex-toys!’” And of course he has labeled the post “Democratic Party, Mass Media, Moral Bankuptcy, Progressives, Radical Left.”

    Though that didn’t stop him from running the dildo photo even larger than BB.

    I guess this is his idea of payback, since so many Boing Boingers took him to task for clucking about Elizabeth Edwards insufficient faith in God.

    I think he just likes Lovecraftian kink.

    link added by mod: http://americanpowerblog.blogspot.com/2010/12/why-progressives-read-boing-boing.html

  11. johnofjack says:

    More frightening than Lovecraft’s fiction!

  12. Orpheline says:

    Years ago, a friend of mine recorded a song called ‘Necromonicondom’ (or was that the album title?). Mood music, perhaps?

  13. Matt Staggs says:


  14. Jackasimov says:

    Well, at the very least this is turning out the years best comment section.

  15. Prufrock451 says:

    No no no no I did not see a Giger dildo I did not see a Giger dildo I did not see a Giger dildo

  16. nanuq says:

    When the Old Ones finally arise, somebody is going to be very sorry for coming up with this idea.

  17. Rob Cruickshank says:

    Here in Toronto there is, in fact, a sex shop called Lovecraft. I don’t think they’d carry those, though.

  18. irksome says:

    Ah, romance is in the air.

  19. MrJM says:

    Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fapping.

  20. Anonymous says:

    Rule #34. And not even an obscure variant.

  21. Anonymous says:

    annd my legs just involuntarily clamped together FOREVER.

  22. Anonymous says:

    So like uh. Yeah. Its a zombie dildo… LOL.

  23. nickodemus says:

    I will be ordering one of these for all my least favorite people.

    Julian Assange, you will be receiving the zombie dildo. You are welcome.

  24. Anonymous says:

    For the person wondering how we paint them safely:
    The silicone is tinted and painted in the mould. For example, with Mythos, the tentacled one, I will paint the eyes in first, and spots if requested. When that sets up a bit the main colour in poured in. The different colours bond and you get a colourful, customized finished toy. No solvents, so no health issues to worry about. The high price is a reflection of the labour involved. These things aren’t made in a sweatshop in China. We sculpt them, mould them, produce them, pack them up and ship them.
    And a front page redesign is in the works.

  25. robbersdog says:

    And the prize for best product name goes to…

  26. Anonymous says:

    Is Cory trying to drop some hints for a Christmas gift?

  27. voiceinthedistance says:


  28. mathdemon says:

    …a niche that needed to be filled…

    Good one.

    Just curious about the “copyfight” tag… Did I miss something…?

  29. Chuck says:

    If you declare the middle one to be a voodoo doll, you might finally have a way to defeat Cthulhu.

  30. Mark Crummett says:

    Just because you _can_ do something doesn’t mean you _should_.

  31. LogrusZed says:

    $250 for the painted versions? I could fuck a real zombie for half that.

  32. Anonymous says:

    When alien archaeologists pick over the ruined remains of humanity, they’ll find novelty sex toys like the Cthulu dildo and the Avatar-inspired blue alien vagina fleshlight and attempt to understand what these cylindrical objects were and what function they served. Once they discover their purpose, the aliens will silently shake their heads in disapproval, pack their belongings, and leave.

  33. Mitch says:

    The one on the right is pretty unpleasant but the other two look like they would have appealing textures. They should really find someone to fix their web site and provide more product information, especially about the painting process. How is something painted safe for internal use? Is it a silicone paint?

  34. sbarnes2 says:

    Thanks, dildo company, for making me afraid of monsters! These belong on Regretsy.

  35. Doom-Kitten says:

    Alan Moore’s Neonomicon features Lovecraft inspired sex toys….
    I;m not sure why, but it was a direction I was not expecting the comic to go in…..

  36. Dave Faris says:

    For all the over-exposure that the zombie trope is getting, I never imagined anyone would want to have sex with one.

    I think we deserve a picture of a dildo in the shape of a unicorn horn after seeing these.

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