Epic response to a cranky letter about paper airplanes in a sports stadium

From 1974, a brief and touching correspondence between a season's ticket-holding Cleveland Browns fan and the stadium management:

I am one of your season ticket holders who attends or tries to attend every game. It appears one of the pastimes of several fans has become the sailing of paper airplanes generally made out of the game program. As you know, there is the risk of serious eye injury and perhaps an ear injury as a result of such airplanes. I am sure that this has been called to your attention and that several of your ushers and policemen witnessed the same.
Absolutely Epic 1974 Letter From Cleveland Browns to a Fan (via MeFi)


  1. Thanks for the entirely too loud early morning laugh.

    Christ, what an… oh wait, they already said it for me.

  2. I laughed out loud at this — I honestly feel like I could write that letter about five times a day.

  3. I feel like the BB post does not do a good job of capturing the back and forth properly. The original post is definitely worth a click.

    Also — neither the original post or the BB repost capture one of the more interesting aspects: the management who wrote the awesome reply letter actually made a point of CC’ing it to Art Modell, the famed [or infamous] owner of the team.

  4. The best thing is that this is quite a useful response letter applicable to many situations involving ass holes and passive aggressive messages.

  5. I feel like using that response next time someone on the mailing list I manage says something especially stupid. YOUR MAIL ACCOUNT MAY HAVE BEEN COMPROMISED!

  6. A great meme, but it was already old in 1974. It probably goes back at least a decade more.

    I know Steve Allen sent the same response to his crazier correspondents (though he said idiot, not asshole).

    I don’t know if he originated the joke*, but it’s typical of him.

    *Krusty the Clown (on the phone, realizing he’s been prank-called): “If this is anybody but Steve Allen, you’re stealing my bit!”

  7. Some years back, at work, someone called in to complain about a company truck and the way it was being driven. The call went to the president of the company and all I heard from next door was “Oh, that was you in the civic on ’95? Yeah, that was me. You drive like a fcuking clown!!” and he hung up the phone.

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