The Meal that Ended My Career as a Restaurant Critic

Boing Boing pal Steve Silberman wrote a fun piece on his "last supper" as a food critic for a glossy magazine in San Francisco in the 1980s. "Being a critic in one of the great restaurant cities on Earth felt like getting paid to have sex with someone you love," he explains, as he describes the meal that ended his run 25 years ago. The prose is as delicious as the meal must have been:

I returned just as the chirpy waiter brought the coup de grâce, which looked like evidence from a crime scene: a dish of angry red flesh with a knob of pale bone jutting out of it. This, apparently, was my "grilled veal chop with wild forest mushrooms."
I had ordered the chop medium-rare, but it arrived bleu, as the French say; ultra-rare, chilly in the center (calf sashimi, if you will), with crimson blood pooling on top, drowning the chanterelles, porcini, Hen O' The Woods or whatever they were in the unmistakable taste of pennies: copper-laden hemoglobin. This was like veal à la Dexter.
Having only recently re-embraced meat-eating, it was as if all the gluttonous karma of the West took its revenge on a lapsed vegetarian in a single meal. I feared that if I tried to choke down all that raw meat, I'd end up strangling -- spewing bloody chunks of calf, clots of cream, and skeins of raw fettucine across the starched tablecloth as a horrified busboy tried to administer the Heimlich maneuver.
Enough! Check, please.

The Meal that Ended My Career as a Restaurant Critic (plos.org)

Boing Boing editor/partner and tech culture journalist Xeni Jardin hosts and produces Boing Boing's in-flight TV channel on Virgin America airlines (#10 on the dial), and writes about living with breast cancer. Diagnosed in 2011. @xeni on Twitter. email: xeni@boingboing.net.

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jonw

It is pretty neat that the author is involved in the discussion.
Anonymous

Smarty-pants checking in…

Our author refers to “the unmistakable taste of pennies: copper-laden hemoglobin.”

Of course, hemoglobin is built around iron; doesn’t contain copper.
Steve Silberman

(For the record, I ended up restoring the phrase about hemoglobin for rhythm’s sake, but replaced “copper” with “iron.” Thanks!)
- Steve Silberman
  
  …and then changed my mind again. Never mind! Well, this is transparent revision or something. Anyway, thanks for reading.
manicbassman

you do know you CAN send the meal back… and if the Chef is upset with you sending it back, then remind him just who is paying his wages etc.
Steve Silberman

Sure, but don’t forget that I was reviewing the restaurant, so how the dish comes out of the kitchen the first time is quite relevant. Not everyone will have the courage to send a dish back, plus, sending dishes back destroys the rhythm of a meal, as either everyone waits to eat cold food, or the person who sends the dish back eats last.
- The Mudshark
  
  Not everyone will have the courage to send a dish back, plus, sending dishes back destroys the rhythm of a meal
  
  not to mention other risks you take when you annoy restaurant staff who will have all the time they need to do anything they please with your food afterwards.
mkultra

I really enjoyed the (column/post/article)… I’ve never been a paid food writer, but I tend to think about and talk about food in much the same way by habit and inclination.

The description of the meal is lovingly vivid… I’ve had similarly foul experiences on occasion at nominally high-end restaurants. Part of what’s so infuriating about it is that the potential is there for a truly incredible experience, and seeing it wasted like that is all the more bitter.

Once was at a celeb chef’s hot-new-place in LA which I won’t name. another was at what the NYT last year implied was Portland’s best foodie restaurant.

However, I don’t mind mentioning a few places where I’ve had memorable meals over the years:
- Dinner at Pacific’s Edge, down in the Carmel Highlands. Not sure why this place doesn’t have a Michelin Star or two.
- Luncheon at The Clarence’s Tearoom, right on the River Liffey in Dublin. The roasted duck was so good I didn’t notice at first when Bono and his wife sat at the next table.
- Amazing Thai yellow curry at a little hole-in-the wall in Seaside, CA called Baan Thai. (and for all of $8.95)
- Fried chicken from a street vendor in Bangkok. Unbelievable.
- Crawfish etouffee and Crab fingers in wine sauce at Mandina’s in NOLA. If I close my eyes I can still taste them.
- Rib-eye with wild mushrooms at Pacific Dining Car in downtown LA.

…on the other hand, while I’ve been to Chez Panisse 5-6 times, I have yet to really get blown away. Perhaps my expectations are too high, either that or the cuisine just isn’t my cup of tea. I think that would be the trickiest thing about reviewing food for a living: what do you do when you just can’t muster any enthusiasm for the category? Fake it? Pretend?
- Steve Silberman
  
  Those meals sound great, mkultra.
joelfreeman

I’m sorry but if you want to be a restaurant reviewer you need to be able to eat meat at various levels of doneness.

It’s like saying “I don’t do starchy foods”. Huh?
Steve Silberman

Huh is right. I’ve happily eaten raw chicken and raw beef in sushi bars where it’s meant to be served that way. That’s not what was going on here.
Sekino

I don’t care that the actual ‘last meal’ description was short. The whole essay was simply beautiful. It was evidently written by someone with a genuine, sensuous appreciation of both food and words.

I feel like cooking now…
Emo Pinata

While the guy describes things very well, I have to disagree with his attitude towards food and critical opinion to a surprising extreme. The meal in question does sound awful, but to constantly bring up your vegetarian ways will only discredit the source and only relate to a few (well maybe more than a few considering the area). I also discredit him when he describes his attitudes toward blood – but I happen to like blood and bleu meat quite a bit.

Also, January is full of shit since there’s no Osaka or Tokyo on that list of cities. Japan is probably the people most devoted to their craft, even if Paris remains my favorite food city.
jackalopemonger

“the unmistakable taste of pennies: copper-laden hemoglobin.”

That’s iron, not copper. Otherwise fantastic piece, though, and I can’t wait to get out to the Bay Area and try some of the restaurants mentioned here in the comments.
taumeson

So — we all know that hemoglobin contains iron, right? Not copper? That would be hemocyanin, found in mollusks.

Also, why would somebody so averse to blood order something medium rare, especially having just given up being a vegetarian?
Steve Silberman

That’s a good point. Apparently, blood is often described as tasting like copper because copper tastes like iron (http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060717164248AA40OYO). Because copper plays a crucial role in hemoglobin formation (http://books.google.com/books?id=XMA9gYIj-C4C&lpg=PA477&ots=nHTf92q8Es&dq=copper%20hemoglobin%20formation&pg=PA477#v=onepage&q=copper%20hemoglobin%20formation&f=false), I got confused. I will correct that, and thanks.

I am not “so averse to blood.” I have enjoyed blood pudding and rare steak on many occasions. But cold veal, covered with cool blood, was not appealing. You wouldn’t have liked it either.
Art Carnage

wld hv frd y t. nyn wh sppsdly knws smthng bt fd, shld knw tht th rd lqd y’r s sqmsh bt s NT bld. Tht’s prtty mch ll drnd drng th prcss f slghtr nd btchrng. Wht y’r sng s mtmyglbn mxd wth mstr frm th mt. S gt vr t.
Anonymous

I am friends with way too many people who waited tables in their 20s who relate stories of what happens to the food of people who send dishes back to EVER send a dish back. From the most expensive to the most dive-y places.

If you don’t want bodily fluids in your food, don’t send something back. And if you display any whiff of self-centered entitlement when sending something back, well, bully for you.
- mark zero
  
  “I am friends with way too many people who waited tables in their 20s who relate stories of what happens to the food of people who send dishes back to EVER send a dish back.”
  
  Why would you be friends with people who engage in that behavior? Do you approve of it? Find it acceptable?
  - mkultra
    
    I’ve heard the same stories, but from what I’ve heard usually it’s the kitchen staff who’s actually at fault. The people who were telling me were just as horrified by it, and many ended up quitting the business. It’s a very high-pressure job.
    
    Read some Anthony Bourdain, this sort of thing is horribly common.
- Anonymous
  
  I’ve worked in restaurants, and waited on tables, and even to the most annoying customer, we wouldn’t and didn’t do anything like that…nor would have the kitchen staff.
  
  I mean, at both places, it was small, the chef owned it, and he would have had anyone’s head for even thinking it, so maybe that’s a factor, but on the whole, when you come right down to it- we weren’t assholes, even if others were.
  
  You can send food back. Just be nice about it. “Hey, sorry, I was wondering if you could maybe see if the kitchen could warm this up a bit for me? It’s just a little too rare for me.”
  
  Then remember to say thank you, and tip well.
Steve Silberman

I have deleted the phrase about hemoglobin and credited you kind folks here for the correction. Thanks!
Steve Silberman

Art, all your post tells me is that you didn’t even bother to read the story. I quit, I wasn’t fired, and I’m not “squeamish about blood,” as I made clear before in this thread. But hey — thanks for taking the time to display your awesome knowledge of chemistry, dude!
Avram / Moderator

Every die-hard fan of classic Star Trek knows that Vulcans have copper-based blood. So maybe it was actually a grilled chop of sehlat or le-matya.
Anonymous

Wouldn’t it by myoglobin rather than haemoglobin?
January

San Francisco is not now, nor was it in the 1980′s, “one of the great restaurant cities on Earth.” If the meal described in this not-even-remotely-fun piece doesn’t indicate the lack of greatness of SF’s restaurants, do visit NYC, Paris, London… and see what a great restaurant city really is.
- Michael Smith
  
  How about Penang?
- facetedjewel
  
  You must be kidding. San Francisco is one of the best restaurant cities I’ve ever been in; I’ve never had mediocre meal there and quite a few really good ones. Not to say poor fare can’t be had, but given the cost of running a restaurant in SF and the tight margins for profit, you’d better not serve a dissatisfying meal very often. The competition is intense, the customers are savvy – poor food or service means you’re out of business very quickly, no matter how well capitalized you are. Word gets around.
- Brainspore
  
  Wouldn’t that depend on both personal taste and how long your list of “great restaurant cities” is?
- Anonymous
  
  London? Surely you jest.
- imag
  
  Since you appear to enjoy snobbery, try this: good Bay Area restaurants routinely have better/fresher veggies than any of your named cities. Being located next to one of the best agricultural regions on earth will do that.
  
  It can also be easily argued that the good Bay Area restaurants encompass a greater diversity of fare than can be had in Paris or London.
  
  And try understanding what the words, “one of,” mean before lashing out with other obvious examples.
notavegan

I do hope that Steve wrote the review exactly like that. (Hmm, read the extended post and he did.)

Obviously not the food he ordered or expected, and a great introduction to “a better life” : }
Steve Silberman

Nice, Avram!

Have you seen http://sadstartrek.com/ ? Brilliant.
OoerictoO

as an aspiring food critic AND vegetarian, this hits home to me. of course, i don’t get paid, very much, i just write-off the meals.

oh, and @January, SF is fantastic food city following closely on the heels of your list and Portland. Try places like: Slanted Door, Boulevard, Perbacco, not to mention the amazing cali-mex and mexican everywhere…
Anonymous

Anon 21 here!

mark – mkultra was more eloquent than I, and like his experience, my friends all had short careers as servers due to the high pressure environment from all sides. The worst thing any friend did was intentionally be clumsy at a table full of abusive yuppies.

And I sometimes forget not everyone has read Kitchen Confidential and these things are revelations to them.
douqep

Jeeze January, have you no sense of humor? That’s the best restaurant review EVER.
Steve Silberman

January, I love eating in all of those cities, and frankly, you don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m honest about SF’s shortcomings, but restaurants isn’t one of them. From the dim sum houses of the Outer Richmond to the taquerias of the Mission to the pho joints in the Sunset and Oakland to upscale places like Boulevard and Delfina, SF restaurants rock.

Trash SF delis, and I’m with you. But you’re just dreaming up snark.
TooGoodToCheck

I feel like I may have misunderstood something here, despite re-reading the post twice.

re: “The prose is as delicious as the meal must have been”, the prose is amazing. I loved the writing. But the meal sounds absolutely horrific.
- Unmutual
  
  Perhaps that was intentional . . . I was disappointed in how LONG the piece was and the payoff was a bit . . . disappointing.
  
  The byline “the meal that ended my career” made it sound like he hosed this upscale restaurant in his review and then got blackballed, but he left the business voluntarily. Because he didn’t think he should have to eat bad food now and then?