Yesterday I came across a website on the amusing phenom of white people rapping poorly. It was lulz. But when I posted it here, I could not have foreseen the amazingness that would soon manifest: 31 comments into a thoughtful discussion thread about how racist I must be for laughing at white people, commenter DSMVWL THS dropped a bomb.
If you are unfamiliar with the Icy Hot Stuntaz, they were a white boy rap brigade from Toccoa, Georgia (population over 9,000) that gained tens of fans circa 2001 when someone accidentally posted photos of them photoshop-bling'd-out and frontin' in front of their not-really-that-tricked-out-Civics online. In one moment, the entire internet united to point and laugh. It was a beautiful sight to behold, and many a related meme followed. You can read more about them on Know Your Meme, Urban Dictionary and Encyclopedia Dramatica (NSFW).
Luckily for those living more than one state road away from Toccoa, the attention span of the web is short and most people never heard of them again. Until now. Skip ahead 10 years and here comes B-SHOC. He's got a CD out that you can buy from him with tracks like "My Trunk Go Boom" and "The Jesus In Me." That's right, he now sings for Jesus.
From his about page:
At the age of 16, B-SHOC's heart started beating to the beat of rap music. Falling in love with the style, he pursued a career. With the success came the "rock-star" lifestyle which consisted of partying and women. Between performing and promoting, this fast life locked B-SHOC in the night clubs almost every night of the week.
The chase for fame and money, and never seeming to reach satisfaction began to fill his heart with emptiness. Reaching a state of depression, B-SHOC became tired of the race. Knowing that God had his hand on him the whole time, B-SHOC knew it was time to run back to Him. B-SHOC disappeared from the scene for quite some time. After time off and prayer, he came back with quite an announcement... "From here on out, I'm singing for Jesus!"
To tie these fun bits together, B-SHOC, a.k.a. Brian Edmonds, is also a.k.a. Da Flame of the Icy Hot Stuntaz. I'm sure you can see where I'm heading with this argument.
What subject a gentlemen decides to rap about is entirely up to him, be it cash, cars, bling and bitches, or Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
But I gotta take issue with the claims that before rebranding as B-SHOC, dude was a "rock star." Come on now. He was in Icy Hot Stuntaz for the love of God. Easily the most diamonds-photoshopped-onto-themselves-white-rappers in history. And while the Stuntaz always appeared to take themselves dead seriously, it's pretty clear they were the only ones doing so and the majority of the press they got was people trying to prove they must have been some kind of prank.
So B-SHOC, you know what it says in The Bible about hyping up your past to make it seem like you were way more popular than you were, right? The Bible is against this. Straight ballin'.