Twitterers mock the "Everything Bagel"


35 Responses to “Twitterers mock the "Everything Bagel"”

  1. sirdook says:

    What did the monk say to the hot dog vendor?

  2. Anonymous says:

    suicide bagel?

  3. Moriarty says:

    Ok, so apparently people DON’T know what an everything bagel is. So, for non-New Yorkers or whatever:

    “Everything” bagels first appeared in the 1970s, when bagel stores started taking all the toppings that had fallen off other bagels, mixing them together, and using that as a topping. “Everything,” hence, means everything that traditionally might go on a bagel: sesame, poppy, onion, salt. They are extremely common and can be found in any bagel store. They are not some company’s new marketing scheme.

  4. Snig says:

    My order used to be, “I’ll have a powerbagel, and my fiance wants everything”.

  5. KaiBeezy says:

    good choice for your one food
    if stranded on a desert island
    sheep’s head, bah

  6. braininavat says:

    Why would anyone bother to mock a stale doughnut?

  7. doingdoing says:

    Exactly the reason I can’t take twitter seriously.

  8. valdis says:

    I’d settle for being able to find a decent bagel, period, in this corner of the Virginia backwoods.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Wow, just look at all the joke you can make about the everything bagel!

    (That’s not a typo.)

  10. Anonymous says:

    Isn’t there a thing in grammar known as an implied phrase (or something like that)? As in:

    “Welcome to Lou’s Bagels. May I help you?”
    “Hi, yes, I would like an Everything [with which one might possibly /normally/ top a bagel] Bagel, please”

    I mean, just who should be mocking whom in this delicious situation?

  11. inkfumes says:

    Hey that’s my third favorite bagel, what did he ever do to you? It’s just an innocent bagel, wont someone think of the bagels!

  12. Anonymous says:

    I agree that having a sensitive palette adverse to this sort of vulgar mixture is a sign of intelligence. For that reason I forgo “bagels“ adulterated by salt, yeast and the like and instead eat handfuls of white flour directly from the bag.

  13. Avram / Moderator says:

    Shouldn’t this segue into the “make me one with everything” joke?

  14. lewis stoole says:

    this is the “sweepings off the bagel store floor” bagel.
    literally, this is what you find in your dustpan after sweeping the floor.
    bits of garlic, caraway, onion, poppy, and sesame.

  15. Xof says:

    Do not mock Happy Fun Bagel.

  16. gwailo_joe says:

    Sure, sure: ~Everything~

    Then why pray tell does the white(!) sesame dominate? Can I order an Egalitarian bagel please?

  17. PaulR says:

    It’s not a bagel from St-Viateur’s.

    /Gimme two dozen white, one dozen black.

  18. MacBookHeir says:

    Bagels are the Sam Kinison of bread products

  19. Anonymous says:

    Isn’t this why some people call them “Long Island Bagels” or something similar? (I can’t remember what.)

  20. LazarWolf says:

    Not going to lie. I think everything bagels smell like vomit. I can’t get over that, so I’ve never had one.

  21. Avram / Moderator says:

    I think of them as several things bagels. (Just picked one up at the store a little while ago, along with a plain, a poppyseed, and a sesame.)

    • grimc says:

      Just picked one up at the store a little while ago, along with a plain, a poppyseed, and a sesame.

      So you basically picked up one and a half everything bagels?

  22. Moriarty says:

    So are are these originating from some place where everything bagels are new?

  23. Jack says:

    Has anyone made a bagel topped with hot pepper flakes?


    • IronEdithKidd says:

      No, you didn’t. Our local bagel shop has been making jalapeno bagels since before I moved here. Their everything bagel is quite good, but I like the pizza bagel even better.

      BTW, greetings from Ann Arbor, MI. This isn’t a NYC thing.

  24. Anonymous says:

    That bagel is everything to me.

  25. DirtierSanchez says:

    When I saw the article I thought of this:
    It’s a piece of a comedy podcast called Nobody Likes Onions where the host discusses this subject and calls two companies complaining about it. It’s both pretty hilarious and NSFW. I am in no way affiliated with this podcast other than the fact I am a fan.

  26. Anonymous says:

    Everything, huh? Guess that makes the universe a torus, after all.

  27. Anonymous says:

    So I guess an everything bagel is something some company is marketing as extreme with all the crap on it?

    It’s an interesting collision. On the one hand, dumb people lack the ability to appreciate the subtley or simplicity of a single flavor. But on the other hand dumb people are also terrible about understanding the importance of context when communicating their thoughts; such as expecting *everyone* to already know what an “Everything Bagel” is and that there is an active campaign of Twitter snark from which to cull the best of.

    • Anonymous says:

      Anon #11…everything bagels are not a new thing…just so you know and don’t get made fun of out in the real bagel world

    • Tavie says:

      It’s not “some company”. Everything bagels are everywhere.*

      You can’t go to a deli, bakery, coffee truck or coffee bar in NYC, at least, without there being everything bagels either available or just sold out.

      *Oh, here we go.

      • apoxia says:

        *yes, here we go.

        I assume everything bagels are an American thing? Just a reminder that America isn’t “everywhere”, although it’s doing a good job of trying to be.

  28. Ruben Bolling says:

    An everything bagel really is “everything” if you think of it as a bagel surrounded by and attached to the entire universe. You just eat the center part.
    - @rubenbolling

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