What is "liquid ass?"

I was looking at my Amazon affiliate sales report just now, and I noticed that someone bought a product called "liquid ass" for $5.12. I wondered what it could be, so I clicked the link. Here's what I learned:
liquid-ass.jpgThis 30ml (1 fl oz) Liquid ASS spray bottle mists out silently, emitting a mega-powerful gawd-awful ASS smell that can last for hours. Brings an instant punch of vile ASS odor to any location! FAA regulations currently allow travelers to carry liquids on board in containers holding 100ml (3.4oz) or less ... but that's only because the folks at the Department of Homeland Security have never caught a whiff of liquid ASS! So order today, before this weapon of nasal destruction is banned from any enclosed space.

Product Features

• Highly concentrated, super-horrible smelling fart spray
• Smells like ASS ... only worse
• 30ml (1 fl oz) size enough for many room-evacuating emissions
• Bring the vile nauseating stench of ASS to your next party or office meeting
• Simple application instructions are printed onto the bottle

Of course, the Amazon report does not tell me who bought the bottle of Liquid Ass, which is as it should be. But I would love to have the person who bought this stuff explain why he or she bought it. Please let me know in the comments thread!

Liquid Ass


  1. An art gallery in Minneapolis puts on an amazing haunted-house-type event each Halloween in its creepy old basement. The show is an extensive walk-through installation that includes terrible smells provided by an industrial scent producer. I’m not sure if it’s exactly the same product, but I’ve heard that the staff refers to one of the vials as liquid ass. Another one is like a musty mattress.

  2. I worked on a prank based game show that used this (I’ll let you guess which). It really is the worst smell imaginable, and makes you gag. IT wasn’t even funny to use on each other in the department because the smell was so bad and just lingers. So we would just break it out at the very last second to use on the contestants. I cannot overstate how bad it is.

    1. Do you know what the major ingredients are/were? Is it a rotten egg stink bomb type thing or did someone actually put some research into reproducing the smell of flatulence?

      Because I would like to visit that kind of lab.. just to see what kind of crazy bastards willingly work there.

      1. I don’t recall the ingrediants, but it does smell like Ass, and by that I don’t exactly mean shit. Maybe sweat tinged with shit. It’s not sulphuric / rotten eggs smelling at all.

  3. A prank shop owner on an NPR podcast mentioned this once, he said it was the worst thing he could sell, and it was made with 100% REAL ASS!

  4. Perhaps the buyer thinks their shit does not stink? A crude product to manufacture. Imagine batching this fragrance in large sizes and then filling into the small bottles. The new face of American manufacturing! What fragrances were blended to achieve the ass smell?

    Perfect for a Tea Party gathering.

    1. I’d like to imagine this is a large enough operation to require a QA department, with regular checks to make sure the ‘real ASS’ smell is consistant and up to company standards from batch to batch.

      1. Right, there is someone checking a retained sample from the last batch. “Top note of sweaty ass is missing, adjust batch by 3%”

  5. Nice to know that perennial joke store favorite “Morning Breeze” has been aerosolized for mass consumption. It used to come in a perfume bottle, suitable for pranking big sis.

  6. This is the perfect gift for an 11 year old boy. Can you imagine the joy of a pre-teen boy being able to bomb his friends and enemies with unlimited SBD’s?

  7. Why is everyone acting like they don’t know. We know it was you Mark. It’s to deal with the rowdies at book signings.

  8. i was always told if i could bottle my farts and sell it id be a millionaire, someone beat me to it…

  9. This reminds me of an episode of Penn & Teller’s “Bullshit!” on “The Best” where they passed off 2 buck chuck as a fine wine called, ‘Chateau Cul’ Cul=Ass in French. You can see it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9J1b3MqiX8#t=4m25s
    They also had a section that featured bottled water and gave people tap water bottled in high-faluting sounding branded bottles with foreign sounding names one of which was, ‘Agua de Culo’ literally Ass Water in Spanish and people swallowed it! Very funny!


  10. Ah yes, a substitute for methyl mercaptan. Campus buildings’ nitrogen distribution system has multiple leaks (no user complaints of slow drips of course!), so the central LN2 dewar runs out unexpectedly on weekends. Injecting mercaptan into the system would only produce user complaints of burner-gas leaks. We need some method to trace all the system leaks. Hey Fac Serv Plumbing Guy, OUR WHOLE LAB SMELLS LIKE ASS!

    1. Hi Bill!

      When I worked for the Academy, we discovered that an unscrupulous contractor had substituted level galvanized ductwork for the sloped stainless ducts the blueprints called for in the lab fume hood system.

      We discovered this when a guy in a basement lab started boiling large quantities of skunk cabbages in fuming nitric acid, and the acid condensed in the ducts, pooled on their level floors, and ate through into the HVAC ducts which were run directly beneath the fume hood ducting on the same hangers. Unfortunately the HVAC was connected to the public areas of the museum and not just the labs…

      After the furor died down, and we spent nearly two years replacing the entire HVAC and fume management systems in the research wing, I seem to recall we used banana oil (amyl acetate, (CH3)2CH(CH2)2CO2CH3 according to Wikipedia) to test the system for leaks and cross-contamination. It was very easy to go from room to room sniffing for bananas, might solve your problem too.

  11. I just bought this stuff a couple months ago. It’s awesome! Used it in the office next to a fan and had everyone evacuating in no time!

    5 Stars from me.

  12. In fifth grade(1985) while I was reantiquating myself with some GI Joe’s that the librarian confiscated early, I came across a 12oz. bottle of fart spray. It possessed a white label with retro 70’s green printing and showed people gagging.

    So as any good 10yr old, that went with me and my other pal on detention, to the boys room.

    We huddled into the stall together, and anxiously popped the top off. Cautiously we sprayed it into the toilet.

    Like a cat thrown into a bucket of water we sprang out of the bathroom so fast and were bent over dry heaving for a least 15 minutes. It was the most disgusting thing I have ever smelt in my life. (And I have smelled week old dead bodies stuffed in a trunk.) To this day, every bad smell is compared to it, and nothing has come close.

    I had to smuggle it back in the hopes that someone else would put them through that gawd awful experience.

    1. “It was the most disgusting thing I have ever smelt in my life. (And I have smelled week old dead bodies stuffed in a trunk.)”

      Wait, WHAT???

  13. @UncaScrooge

    Wow, I haven’t thought of that stuff in years! My dad had a bottle and would take it with him to the bowling alley. He’d soak a small ball of tissue with it and toss it near a group sitting together… the looks that came over their faces and the sidelong glances they gave one another were truly priceless.

    1. That cannot be it, I’m afraid, as that post’s referrer link was under my ID, whereas the Liquid Ass was purchased by someone heading to amazon via Mark’s.

  14. I don’t need this product.
    I have my own natural source. It’s organic and it’s lethal.

  15. I don’t know why somebody bought this, and I don’t care. All I care about is that I just wasted the last 15 minutes laughing so hard that I got a sore throat simply by reading the Amazon buyer reviews of the product.

  16. This product is intended for use in pranks or revenge. Essentially, if someone is pissing you off, this is a somewhat legal way to dole out some punishment.

    I had some very inconsiderate neighbors that played loud music, etc. at all hours (often starting at like 3AM ridiculousness)

    Talking to them wasn’t effective, and usually they would only blast one song at a time, so calling the cops was useless. It was very strange.

    Anyway, I got some of this, managed to spray it into their window undetected, and the problem pretty much stopped after two times. They would leave almost immediately, and figured out someone was doing this on purpose. They couldn’t figure out who was doing it, though, so just started to behave themselves, essentially.

    I have no idea what the legality of this is, and it could certainly lead to escalation. If you use it intelligently, however, it can be a pretty good solution to a difficult problem.

    Lots of testimonials on the liquid-ass website, btw.

  17. Skatole- “In a 1994 report released by five top cigarette companies, skatole was listed as one of the 599 additives to cigarettes. It is added as a flavoring ingredient.” From the wikipeida entry. I always did think that cigarettes smell like ass. Now I know why. Awesome.

  18. I’m not sure if it was Liquid Ass brand, but some psychologists studying moral judgment have used fart spray to induce disgust (which, they found, leads to harsher judgments against moral violations).

  19. If you were going to use this stuff on someone else, doesn’t that mean that you get the first, strongest dose of it yourself?

  20. Much like my gun, I would rather have Liquid ASS and not need it, than need Liquid ASS and not have it!!

  21. Oh, I’m sure it seems really amusing to those of you who are blessed with a healthy and functioning digestive tract, but for those of among the tragic 2% of Americans who are flatus-challenged and incapable of producing or emitting vapors of our own, products like these are a life-saver, permitting us to lead healthy, productive, normal, occasionally noxious lives.

  22. While I didn’t specifically by this brand product, I did buy a can (~500ml) of “instant Fart Spray” when I was a kid in high school.

    I sprayed everywhere at the school. Auditorium, lunch hall, hallways, class rooms, near the VP office, teachers lounge, everywhere imaginable.

    When the can was empty, an assistant vice principle nailed me tosses the can into the garbage can.

    While I was sitting in his office with my can of “instant Fart Spray” he told me how the Jewish teachers were having a fit telling him the school was being poisoned. He had to call the company on the label (an Ontario company) to get the MSDS (ingredients) on it. I could hear the guy on the other end laughing hard (the V.P was cracking up as well).

    Anyhow, he told me to take a hike and nothing came of it as he had to write a report for the teachers about a can “instant Fart Spray” and what the horrible fart smell was that permeated every nook and cranny of the school.

    hehe this stuff rocks. If “liquid ass” is the same, then I would recommend everyone who is young at heart to buy a bottle before it’s too late. It a cheap and fun laugh.

  23. ahh, liquid ass
    Best use is getting better service from an office landlord. Yep, thats the best use, it is! this was about 4 years ago though… surprised the stuff hasn’t been wiped out by some stretched-out terrorism code

  24. when i was 12 i read a book called ecotage. it was a handbook for fighting pollution with pollution, i guess, what they call monkeywrenching these days. so, say your hypothetical target is a bank that foreclosed on you without following the right procedures. you freeze an opened bottle of this stuff, or just a dead fish, into a block of ice, rent a safe deposit box, insert block of ice, go on vacation.

  25. I need to buy this to ruin the gym I used to go to. I canceled my membership with them because the place was overpriced. They never fixed or cleaned anything ever. Just open this up, put it in a locker, lock it and walk away. HA.

  26. Hello,
    Stink bombs are the ultimate weapon for school rebels. Many fond memories of swift evacuations…

  27. Oh, great. Now that I’ve checked out the reviews on Amazon.com, it’s now stinking up my “recently viewed/ more items to consider”!!!

  28. If used in an area where a hazmat response, you may be charged with a crime. (Coded UNK ODOR in my department.)

  29. Ass In a Bottle (after Jim Croce’s Time In a Bottle)

    If I could save ass in a bottle
    The first thing that I’d like to do
    Is to save every fart
    Till Eternity parts
    Just to spray them at you

    If I could make farts last forever
    If fingers pulled made smells exude
    I’d save every fart like a treasure and then
    Again, I would point them at you

    But there never seems to be enough time
    To fart in your general direction
    Once I find you
    I’ve sat around enough to know
    That I’m the one who dealt the blow
    And blamed it on you

    etc., etc.

    1. Those lyrics are special and I know just who I’d like to share them with…with your permission?

  30. When I was in high school, I doused my friend’s locker with a bottle of skunk scent (normally used in elk hunting) during lunch break. It was so overpowering that school administrators ended up having to evacuate that section of the school for the rest of the day. My friend’s books and belongings were ruined. The smell was still strong after a couple days, but it eventually dissipated.

    I doubt that concentrated ass could smell that bad.

  31. I can testify that I actually bought this stuff some time ago to try on noisy neighbors. I can say that I nearly made myself sick even opening the package (amazed it made it through the post actually), but it didn’t seem to have any appreciable affect on my neighbors. Very disappointing.

  32. I don’t go to amazon very often, usually to check out something boingboing put up – which allows for some pretty funny juxtapositions –

    my Amazon site now says:

    Recently viewed items:

    Liquid Ass
    Scenes from an impending marriage

  33. This must have been me. I placed the order on 11/30 after looking at the fake testicles mentioned above. I ordered it for a white elephant gift exchange at work. After receiving I went outside gave it a little spray and it was pretty bad but dissipated quickly. After coming inside there was just a bit still on the spray outlet which was enough to stink the house up pretty good. I ran for the kitchen to get a sandwich bag to contain the bottle. After this my wife, who up until smelling it had no idea I ordered it, convinced me that it might not be a wise career move to offer Liquid Ass as a gift at work and it was promptly put in the trash as I could think of nothing else to use it for.

  34. No problem here.

    I firstly consider myself a painter and writer, but rarely feel the poetic urge. In this case, Jim’s song (one of my favorite musicians from childhood) just wouldn’t leave me alone.

    My art and writing is not often this scatological, I promise.

  35. I’ve been waiting for a product like this to come along. Next time someone lights up a cigarette near me….BAM!

  36. S/he probably bought it in order to bump the total up to $25+ in order to qualify for free shipping, yeah?

  37. Mark: I have a friend that has a stall at a street fair during the summer. He sells a full product line of crap that people don’t need, fart spray being one of the items. The typical person who buys this product is a thirty something male who always wanted to buy this stuff when he was a kid but “his mommy wouldn’t let him”, as my friend explains. But now that he is moved out of his parents home, making money, and independent he can finally indulge himself. I don’t think my friend actually asked any customers what their motives are but he has been in the business a long time and seems pretty sure from the customers behavior and comments this is what is going through their mind. I guess what my friend is saying is when the customers buy the product they are rebelling against parental authority; a late rebellion. I hope that answered your question.

  38. Ive heard of stink bombs before but this is going too far, whoever invented this stuff needs his head testing. If you wanna make a stink somewhere then just do it naturally i say, although it’s not very nice for other people to listen too and have to inhale. I have a friend called richie, hes now 40 years old and he farts in public on purpose. Most of the time i am disgusted by it and tell him off, but then sometimes it can be funny. Like the time he farted on a nightclub dancefloor, and the smell was that bad that nearly all of the people ran off holding their noses lol.

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