Identify these outrageous false teeth and get $500

An estate sales expert needs your help identifying these false teeth, and is willing to pay for it:
Antique-Enamel-and-Gold-False-Teeth-2.jpgDo you know who owned these Antique False Teeth? If you do, and can credibly prove it, we will reward the first person to do so with $500.00

Why is Fine Estate Sales and Estate Liquidation offering this $500.00 Reward - It's simple, it's because we don't know who once wore them, and if we did, why, well, er...we could sell them for a lot of money, and buy a whole lot of dental floss...

Antique enameled and filigree gold false teeth, look them up: Do a Google search, or any other search that you can, I did, and I can't find anything even remotely similar.

$500.00 Reward: Tell us who actually wore these teeth.

$300.00 - 1st Prize: Best made up story about who wore these teeth.

$200.00 - 2nd Prize: 2nd Best made up story about who wore these teeth.

$100.00 - 3rd Prize: 3rd Best made up story about who wore these teeth.

$500 Reward: Who Owned These Antique Gold False Teeth? (Thanks, Jesse Thorn!)


  1. They’re actually George Washington’s. He was so annoyed at that blasted wooden dentures story that he mailed his perfectly serviceable porcelain ones to a tooth innovator in Germany who was well ahead of his time in wax casting jewelry. However, when good ol’ George got them back, they were slightly too big, which made it tough for him to close his mouth… and they made portraits impossible to draw, which is why he has that pinched-mouth look on the $1 bill.

  2. 3 Minutes on Google leads me to a possible guess: Claudius Ash, a goldsmith by trade, began manufacturing high-quality porcelain dentures mounted on 18-carat gold plates. Ash’s teeth, made of porcelain mounted on gold plates, with gold springs and swivels, were considered superior both aesthetically and functionally and laid the foundation of his new enterprise as Britain’s foremost manufacturer of dentures and dental appliances.

  3. There’s quite a bit on ceramic and ivory teeth out there, especially set into precious metals. I was doing some research on how fast elephant ivory decays (a popular material for false teeth in the day) for a short story on Galatea from the Pygmalion myth. Teeth like these were hugely popular in the 17/18th century just after porcelain (ceramic was too heavy to be viable, the top set would tend to fall off the palate) became available but before more modern lighter ceramics were invented. Hope that may help someone, I’m a bit blegh about the subject now >.< Try checking the biographies of the pre-industrial revolution rich, land-owners, aristocrats, clergy etc.

  4. Maybe it’s the photographic perspective, but it looks to me like these pieces are for two different mouths: the top one for a woman and the bottom one for a man (or at least a much bigger woman).

  5. whosever they were, they must be uncomfortable… the lower rpds has lousy clasps for the distal extensions. Must be more of an artsy thing than real functionality.

  6. Hmm. The enamel and filigree look kind of Fabergé-ish. Not Rasputin, he had nasty teeth. And they can’t be Nicholas or Alexandra’s, because their bodies were identified (in part) by fancy _platinum_ dental work. Some Russian aristocrat? Sold them on the road in his flight from the Reds? Had them torn from his lips by a rabid Commie?

    That or a James Bond villain.

  7. They are really interesting looking artifacts.

    I wouldn’t count on the contest being legit though… the site kind of looks like a content farm with the unrelated cloud of SEO terms on the right, and a little google shows a dozen other similar sites with the same images.

    The original photos seem to have been taken from the web site of this SF auction in late January, contrary to the story on the contest sites:

    I still want to know the story behind them!

  8. The contest and site are definitely for real. I know Martin, who owns Fine Estate Liquidation, personally. He is serious as cancer about giving away that money.

    1. Cool. Sorry to doubt it – I must have mistaken reposts for clones. Please follow up if the real provenance is discovered.

  9. Errmm. Is it me or is this not just an obvious piece of viral marketing to either steer people to a site or to publicise the sale of a rare item there fore driving up its price? A bit obvious I feel.

    1. Is it me or is this not just an obvious piece of viral marketing to either steer people to a site or to publicise the sale of a rare item there fore driving up its price?

      In English, we refer to that as a contest. They’re quite popular.

  10. As Jesse Thorn has said, I am as serious as cancer about the reward and the cash prizes…

    I am an estate liquidator, and it’s true I did put them into an estate sale in Napa.

    I put them up looking for offers before deciding it would be way more useful to my client, and a ton more fun to put them onto my blog attached with a reward…

    I invite you all to give it your best shot…and when you are all done, I’ll happily send the winner a check…

    Please post your replies on

    There are 8 days left…



    1. Just a quick follow up…

      We also have credible National Antiques Experts as our contest judges…



  11. I have SEEN an obscure reference THE TEXT of the Mad Arab Abdul Abdul Alhazred. They are the dentures of /He Who Must Not Be Named/! Hark to the sounds at the threshold, hideous scribblings in the night! The Whip-poor-wills, O dread! The Whip-poor-wills! And that chattering, the chattering of those hideous teeth!

  12. Oh please they obviously still belong to Mr. Burns… He just lot them as he can’t wear them near the reactor.

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