Nothing Really Mattress


38 Responses to “Nothing Really Mattress”

  1. Antinous / Moderator says:

    Funny slogan or not, it belongs in the garbage.

    You have a trash can large enough to hold a mattress? It’s sitting on the sidewalk waiting for trash pick-up.

  2. jonobo says:

    This stuck in my brain, so i got up this morning and created a RL-Comment on a mattress on my street:


    Photos over here:

  3. Robert says:

    I’m just a bed bug, nobody loves me.

    He’s just a bed bug, from the Cimicidae family, spare him his life from this mattressity.

  4. Donald Petersen says:

    Are you Serta?

  5. Spencer Cross says:

    I’ve seen a different photo of the same thing written on another mattress. It’s the “‘Please Wash Me’ on a dirty car” of the 2010′s.

  6. bklynchris says:

    Hey New York Cityzens!

    I just got a $100 fine for tossing out a box spring bc it was not wrapped/bagged in plastic. So, just in case you plan on throwing one out in the near future find a bag…a really, really, really big bag.

  7. yepmatt says:

    In lay terms, it’s existentialism, but to be more philosophically precise, it’s actually bedbug nihilism.

  8. ihakes says:

    Mad this dyslexia, I cannot dear.

  9. spocko says:

    Nobody’s a Perfect Sleeper. With the exception of Joey Heatherton

  10. hallpass says:

    This reminds me of finding a washing machine in the woods while mountain biking that had “Be the agitator” spray painted on the side. It became a rallying cry for a small group of friends.
    Also, Rob Cockerham’s Levitra couch discovery (prank?).

  11. BDiamond says:

    But is it Queen-sized?

  12. Anonymous says:

    Very pillowsophical

  13. bobk says:

    They must have it pretty soft. They’ve been featherbedding for too long. Lying down is unbelievable.

  14. Talia says:

    Anyone can sleep. Nothing really mattress… to ZZZZZZZ.

  15. Quiet Wyatt says:

    What if the sanitation dept. won’t pick up anything left on the curb that *doesn’t* fit inside one’s personal dumpster, or sealed in a trash bag sitting beside it? And what if charity orgs won’t take mattresses in any condition? Advice?

    • Donald Petersen says:


      Consult your local mattress store. Often, if you buy a bed, they’ll take your old bed away for recycling. But even if you aren’t in the market to buy, if you catch a nice salesperson on a slow day and explain your quandary, he or she might be inclined to point you to a useful way to dispose of the old mattress. Besides, you might thereby end up being suitably impressed by their helpfulness and more likely to shop there when you are in the market.

  16. burritoflats says:

    I guess someone was just throwing cushion to the wind

  17. Anonymous says:

    I prefer my own version of the “please wash me” original.

  18. Anonymous says:

    Photo by Trixie BEDlam. Oh you…

  19. Boondocker says:

    10 years ago, I was a poor guy traveling in Australia. I needed a mattress, saw one on the street, and judged the one chewed-on corner to be less of a flaw than a feature. I took it home to my rented, furniture-free apartment (I’d been sleeping on three couch cushions wrapped in a bedsheet to that point) and used it for a couple of months.

    I shudder to think of that now.

  20. Tristan says:

    Someone had one of these in my neighborhood as well. Thought it was rather comical at the time.

  21. Jake0748 says:

    “What if the sanitation dept. won’t pick up anything left on the curb that *doesn’t* fit inside one’s personal dumpster, or sealed in a trash bag sitting beside it? And what if charity orgs won’t take mattresses in any condition? Advice?”

    Hire/rent a truck and take it to the landfill yourself?
    Hire/rent a moving company to take it to the landfill?
    Call city hall or county administration and ask them wtf?
    Set it on fire and let the F.D. deal with it (or not)?
    Put it over on your neighbor’s property?
    Just leave it out there on the curb?
    Move away?

    I guess the option I’d try first would be #3

  22. Jamie Sue says:

    Did I just experience spiritual enlightenment? Or is that a bite?

  23. Anonymous says:

    Damn, came in here to make the “Queen-sized” joke and was beaten to it.

  24. says:

    I saw one of these in Brighton, UK last July — o’ the humanity!

  25. M Ridenour says:

    Is that a Jean-Paul Serta?

  26. Phikus says:

    …Anyone can see. Nothing really mattress to meeeeeeeeee…

  27. Antinous / Moderator says:

    I can’t believe someone ruined a perfectly good mattress when there are children in Uzbekistan sleeping on piles of goat dung. Damn hipsters.

  28. BB says:

    I don’t know what my position is, I’ll have to sleep on it.

  29. songofsixpence says:

    Did someone just leave that filth-infested bug nest lying on the sidewalk for someone else to deal with?

    Funny slogan or not, it belongs in the garbage.

    • Donald Petersen says:

      it belongs in the garbage

      Enough with the sanctimonious Posturepedic-ing!

      (Where’s Airpillo when you actually need him? There’s a fella that knows how to keep his Tempur-Pedic.)

  30. BB says:

    BTW, does anyone else think that the mattress was seriously ‘burned in’?

  31. Anonymous says:

    A flolloping, globbering, volluing, vooning, and willomying mattress called Zem with Marvin’s personality disorder… Wait, wasn’t Marvin stranded on the mattress planet Squornshellous Zeta with only mattresses to talk to?

  32. Anonymous says:

    Bohemian Napsody.

  33. emmdeeaych says:

    must be one of those ‘living’ beds i keep hearing about.

  34. Lucifer says:

    it looks lonely. Someone should comforter.

Leave a Reply