Nothing Really Mattress


Trixie Bedlam's photo captures a poignant moment of bedbug existentialism.

anyone can see (via Warren Ellis)

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  1. I’ve seen a different photo of the same thing written on another mattress. It’s the “‘Please Wash Me’ on a dirty car” of the 2010’s.

  2. In lay terms, it’s existentialism, but to be more philosophically precise, it’s actually bedbug nihilism.

  3. I can’t believe someone ruined a perfectly good mattress when there are children in Uzbekistan sleeping on piles of goat dung. Damn hipsters.

  4. Did someone just leave that filth-infested bug nest lying on the sidewalk for someone else to deal with?

    Funny slogan or not, it belongs in the garbage.

    1. it belongs in the garbage

      Enough with the sanctimonious Posturepedic-ing!

      (Where’s Airpillo when you actually need him? There’s a fella that knows how to keep his Tempur-Pedic.)

  5. Funny slogan or not, it belongs in the garbage.

    You have a trash can large enough to hold a mattress? It’s sitting on the sidewalk waiting for trash pick-up.

  6. They must have it pretty soft. They’ve been featherbedding for too long. Lying down is unbelievable.

  7. What if the sanitation dept. won’t pick up anything left on the curb that *doesn’t* fit inside one’s personal dumpster, or sealed in a trash bag sitting beside it? And what if charity orgs won’t take mattresses in any condition? Advice?

    1. Advice?

      Consult your local mattress store. Often, if you buy a bed, they’ll take your old bed away for recycling. But even if you aren’t in the market to buy, if you catch a nice salesperson on a slow day and explain your quandary, he or she might be inclined to point you to a useful way to dispose of the old mattress. Besides, you might thereby end up being suitably impressed by their helpfulness and more likely to shop there when you are in the market.

  8. 10 years ago, I was a poor guy traveling in Australia. I needed a mattress, saw one on the street, and judged the one chewed-on corner to be less of a flaw than a feature. I took it home to my rented, furniture-free apartment (I’d been sleeping on three couch cushions wrapped in a bedsheet to that point) and used it for a couple of months.

    I shudder to think of that now.

  9. “What if the sanitation dept. won’t pick up anything left on the curb that *doesn’t* fit inside one’s personal dumpster, or sealed in a trash bag sitting beside it? And what if charity orgs won’t take mattresses in any condition? Advice?”

    Hire/rent a truck and take it to the landfill yourself?
    Hire/rent a moving company to take it to the landfill?
    Call city hall or county administration and ask them wtf?
    Set it on fire and let the F.D. deal with it (or not)?
    Put it over on your neighbor’s property?
    Just leave it out there on the curb?
    Move away?

    I guess the option I’d try first would be #3

  10. A flolloping, globbering, volluing, vooning, and willomying mattress called Zem with Marvin’s personality disorder… Wait, wasn’t Marvin stranded on the mattress planet Squornshellous Zeta with only mattresses to talk to?

  11. I’m just a bed bug, nobody loves me.

    He’s just a bed bug, from the Cimicidae family, spare him his life from this mattressity.

  12. Hey New York Cityzens!

    I just got a $100 fine for tossing out a box spring bc it was not wrapped/bagged in plastic. So, just in case you plan on throwing one out in the near future find a bag…a really, really, really big bag.

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