Comments on: Limerick contest! Win a MACHINE OF DEATH limited edition hardcover

By: michiexile

michiexile — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Because I would not stop for death, he kindly stopped for me
I asked that pale old scally-wag â€œWhat is there then for me?â€
His bony eye stared down ice-cold
â€œYour death comes from a dark green mold
That grows and festers on the bread your mother gives to thee.â€

By: joelcb

joelcb — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

The thoughts of death would alight
While reading Edgar Allan Poe at night
Thoughts of grisly decapitation
Or gruesome strangulation
But the end came with toast and marmite

By: catgrin

catgrin — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

The Buddhist monk’s card made him grin.
It said one simple word, just AGAIN.
I did please him so
That he was in the know
That he ignored the oncoming train.

By: snakedart

snakedart — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

A king of intellect great
Made a game of outwitting Fate.
But, alas, like a stone
He fell from his throne
As a chill voice whispered, “checkmate.”

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who was fated to death via bucket
He thought he was safe
His only fear he might chafe
In his career riding horses who would “buck it”

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

WolfDead15
Not for you the drowned while sailinâ€™
Nor the end result of ailinâ€™,
The way youâ€™ll die
Is from on high,
When youâ€™re shot by Sarah Palin

By: timetraveler

timetraveler — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

There once was a Man From Earth
who died after experiencing Birth
It took such a long time
he had ages to opine
the loss of Love, Memory and Worth

By: RadioFreeUSA

RadioFreeUSA — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Learning your death is a gas
For soon you will know how you pass
“Eat a packet of seeds,
then your bottom will bleed”
And a pumpkin comes out of your…

By: pounana

pounana — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

â€œConsider the soulâ€™s immortalityâ€
For the church is a theme of centrality
Yet itâ€™s staggering wealth
(So at odds with the health
Of its subjects) implies gross venalityâ€¦

By: Elmo Gearloose

Elmo Gearloose — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday,
Today i-is Friday, Friday.
We-we-we so excited.
We so excited.
We gonna have a ball today!

Rebecca Black sings in limerick form! Hahaha!

By: Shrike96

Shrike96 — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Death comes for me tomorrow, I thought wryly,
I won’t face the Reaper meek and shyly
Hey, I have nothing left to lose.
So I am breaking into Fox News,
To take a dump on the desk of Bill O’Reilly!

By: zapgunner

zapgunner — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Robots are always best
Even at the M.O.D. Test
Inscribed on each butt
Screwed under a nut
Is the date and time of their rest.

By: gjtorikian

gjtorikian — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

There once was a contest online
Whose prize I wished to be mine
As I typed out my entry
I knew that in a century
I’d be buried with that gift so divine

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

A charming old lady from France
Was eager to learn how to dance
But she fell off the pier
and now we cannot see’er
So we’re pretty sure she’s got no chance.

By: HotPepperMan

HotPepperMan — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

A machine tells after your born
How you’ll die but don’t be forlorn.
With a sense of forboding
My paper said “Ode-ing”
But I saved myself with a unicorn…

By: Robert

Robert — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

She left the Machine with a glower.
Her printout said only “Cold shower”.
So she took baths,
for a year and a half,
’til her boyfriend, frustrated, done shot ‘er.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Old Smokey, the Yellowstone Miser
Cooked all of his food in a geyser
He made apple sass
With some Hydrogen gas
And now he’s much stiffer – but wiser!

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Mixing it up with a haiku:

Death by catapult
So that’s what the temptress meant
by “let’s have a fling”

-scg

By: sweet patina

sweet patina — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Once departed, detractors will say,
I left quite a mess in the way,
But it’s known among friends
That life always ends
Like it started: in medias res.

By: Kingazaz

Kingazaz — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

It said I would be torn asunder.
What part of my soul did it plunder?
Through my life I shall fend.
From many hurts I shall mend.
In the end we will all be plowed under.

By: lost robot

lost robot — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

There once was a girl from Eugene
Her own death the machine had foreseen.
So when the moment arrived,
She said “Oh well” and sighed
and quietly OD’d on Morphine.

By: quoick

quoick — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

I consulted a machine in Nantucket
To find how I would kick the bucket
It’s Diebold OS
Meant it was anyone’s guess
As you could us any stick drive to fuck it.

By: Afflictiv

Afflictiv — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

The thought was enough to consume him,
For when they arrive to exhume him,
they’ll find to their shock,
as they search for his cock,
that a badger, most rabid, had doomed him.

Probably a honey badger.

By: pounana

pounana — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Fame found the young man quite unbidded,
and left him creatively fridgid,
so the boy from Seattle
gave up on his battle
(though some still INSIST Courtney did it…)

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

There once was a man.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly.
I dunno why she swallowed that fly,
Perhaps she’ll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a spider,
That wiggled and wiggled and tickled inside her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
But I dunno why she swallowed that fly -
Perhaps she’ll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a bird;
How absurd, to swallow a bird!
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wiggled and wiggled and tickled inside her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
But I dunno why she swallowed that fly -
Perhaps she’ll die

There was an old lady who swallowed a cat.
Imagine that, she swallowed a cat.
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird …
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wiggled and wiggled and tickled inside her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
But I dunno why she swallowed that fly
Perhaps she’ll die

There was an old lady who swallowed a dog.
What a hog! To swallow a dog!
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat…
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird …
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wiggled and wiggled and tickled inside her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
But I dunno why she swallowed that fly
Perhaps she’ll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a goat.
Just opened her throat and swallowed a goat!
She swallowed the goat to catch the dog …
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat.
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird …
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wiggled and wiggled and tickled inside her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
But I dunno why she swallowed that fly
Perhaps she’ll die.

There was an old lady who swallowed a cow.
I don’t know how she swallowed a cow!
She swallowed the cow to catch the goat…
She swallowed the goat to catch the dog…
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat…
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird …
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wiggled and wiggled and tickled inside her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
But I dunno why she swallowed that fly
Perhaps she’ll die.

The card read, the paper coarse:
SWALLOWING A HORSE

By: RolandBarfs

RolandBarfs — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Ok, beat this!

—

Old SchrÃ¶dinger once had a cat,
in a poisonous box it had sat.
It might have been cooked
but nobody looked
so now no one’s quite sure where it’s at.

By: lmaoaml

lmaoaml — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

There once was a limerick writer
Whose days looked brighter and brighter
Until he got fired
Because he aspired
To end all his pieces with “orange”

By: Tdawwg

Tdawwg — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

There was once a death machine,
vacuum tubes and cathode rays were its scene:
it became self-aware
and half on a dare
flashed “Obsolescence” on its flickering screen.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

There was a Bavarian lancer
Who fell deep in love with a dancer
Theyâ€™d court and theyâ€™d woo
Till he got run through
And she died of ovarian cancer