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Choco-Thulhu is real!

Cory Doctorow at 11:01 am Sun, Apr 17, 2011

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I lamented the fact that the chocolate Cthulhu was just an April Fool's joke. Now, they are real. And green!

CHOCOLATE CTHULHU IDOL (Thanks, Lovecraftsman!)

I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

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  • mr_mediocre

    I’d be afraid they would bite _my_ head off.

  • Anonymous

    Eat now, be eaten later.

  • Daemon

    For people too lazy to read the really, really short webpage:
    Solid chocolate, according to the site. 1′x1′x3′, $10.
    Limited run, so get your orders in fast.

    • Smash Martian

      Three foot of solid chocolate?! Awesome.

    • Zayfod

      errm, to quote the website “Idol measures 1 inch by 1 inch wide by 3 inches tall”.

  • Anonymous

    And, sadly, milk chocolate. Which makes them all the more evil.

  • Anonymous

    SELECTIONS FROM
    H.P. LOVECRAFT’S
    BRIEF TENURE AS A
    WHITMAN’S SAMPLER
    COPYWRITER.

    BY LUKE BURNS

    - – - -

    White Chocolate Truffle

    What black arts could have stripped this chocolate of its natural hue? The horror of the unearthly, corpselike pallor of this truffle’s complexion is only offset by its fiendish deliciousness.

    Nut Cluster Crunch

    This eerie candy will test the sanity of all but those who possess the strongest of constitutions. Strange congeries of almonds, walnuts, and pistachios dance hypnotically within, promising to reveal their eldritch secrets to anyone foolish enough to take a bite of these ancient nut clusters!

    Coconut Creme Swirl

    They say that the Coconut Creme Swirl sleeps. But if the dread Coconut Creme Swirl slumbers, surely it must also dream. It is certain that while it dozes the Coconut Creme Swirl is absorbed by terrifying visions of exacting its creamy tropical vengeance upon mankind! Consume the Coconut Creme Swirl before it awakens to consume you!

    Dark Chocolate Fudge

    Dark! All-encompassing, eternal darkness! Human eyes cannot penetrate the stygian blackness of this unholy confection!

    Peanut Butter Cup

    In 1856, a fisherman from a tiny hamlet on the New England coast made a terrible pact with serpentine beasts from beneath the sea, that he might create the most delicious sweet seen upon the Earth since the days of the great Elder Race. Thus was forged the satanic pact between peanut butter and chocolate that resulted in the mutant offspring you see before you!

    Chocolate Cherry Cordial

    You must not think me mad when I tell you what I found below the thin shell of chocolate used to disguise this bonbon’s true face. Yes! Hidden beneath its rich exterior is a hideously moist cherry cordial! What deranged architect could have engineered this non-Euclidean aberration? I dare not speculate.

    Caramel Chew

    There is a dimension ruled by a blind caramel God-King who sits on a vast, cyclopean milk-chocolate throne while his mindless, gooey followers dance to the piping of crazed flutes. It is said that there are gateways in our world that lead to this caramel hell-planet. The delectable Caramel Chew may be one such portal.

    Toffee Nugget

    Few men dare ask the question “What is toffee, exactly?” All those who have investigated this substance are now either dead or insane.-McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2008/8/15burns.html)

  • Anonymous

    soylent brown is poo poo!

    .~.

  • Anonymous

    hollow or solid?? on this, much depends.

  • Anonymous

    I liked the design of the fake one better.

  • Anonymous

    The green ones make you long for eternal darkness

  • Niklas

    I’ll go mad for one!

  • Suds

    Made of a chocolate infinitely dark?

  • Lobster

    These look r’lyeh r’lyeh tasty! :9