The monkey tail, a beard


82 Responses to “The monkey tail, a beard”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Nice. I like how he wiped the boring completely off his face. Don’t let the squares get you down, lemur man.

  2. Anonymous says:

    With all kids and adults have done to their hair, like crazy colors and cuts WHY is this so different? It grows out and I think if guys can do it go ahead.

  3. BDiamond says:

    That’s the best beard I’ve seen since Katie Holmes.

  4. CastanhasDoPara says:

    Bloody hipsters… *incoherent grumbling*

  5. peter says:

    everything old is new again. when i invented it in ’05, i called it the curveball.

  6. egirl says:

    I <3 it. The stripes are a def extra points for creativity. ;-p

  7. ocschwar says:

    Send it to Bernanke as a reminder of why he must address unemployment.

  8. Brainspore says:

    I bet a sufficiently dedicated (and fur-faced) man could get one more curl by ending the spiral on the “soul patch” just under the lower lip. Who’s up to the challenge?

    • Kimmo says:

      I bet a sufficiently dedicated (and fur-faced) man could get one more curl by ending the spiral on the “soul patch” just under the lower lip. Who’s up to the challenge?

      Shandy Brown seems to be the true monkeytail pioneer (May 2008), and did just that with the earliest known example.

  9. Anonymous says:

    This is a paradigm shift in facial hair style! Personally, I think this style could easily be adapted to look like the Cheshire Cat if you include the hair somehow :D

  10. Anonymous says:

    He needs to cut the head off of a stuffed monkey toy, attach it to an elastic and wear it like an eyepatch just below his hairline.

  11. Jason says:

    In a related note, today is National Hairball Awareness Day.

  12. Anderson Council says:

    We’ve secretly replaced this man’s brain with a Lemur. Let’s see if anyone can tell the difference!

  13. Anonymous says:

    Congratulations. You just made the front page of Sweet Beard.

  14. apoxia says:

    No, stop this immediately!

  15. Fuzzy says:

    I am thinking of the asymmetrical beard style prevalent in Larry Niven’s _Known Space_ future society.

  16. Anonymous says:


    Did you just use “beard” as a verb?

  17. kento says:

    Today is truly a great day to be a man.

  18. marco antonio says:

    … I actually think it’s really clever!
    And I bet the bearer has a few interesting things to tell. That’s a mind that’s not afraid of trying things out despite irrational opposition. :)
    I’d have a beer(d) with him!

  19. Anonymous says:

    BRILLIANT. I encourage this.

    • CastanhasDoPara says:

      That is also some hipster crud. Clever but still stupid.

      Just for kicks how about star-burns. I feel dumber just knowing that I know about those/them.

      Or or or, my dad’s penchant for ridiculous facial hair hi-jinx. One loooong beard parted in the middle and tied up in a knot over his lip. What an idiot. That’s just one example BTW, there were many more which is only one of the many reasons why I think my father is a complete dumb-ass.

  20. Blacken says:

    Is this going to be the Mullet for the twenty-first century…..?

  21. blueelm says:

    Hahahahaha! Brilliant!

  22. Anonymous says:

    If that the tail what does it make the mouth?

  23. irksome says:

    Personally, I welcome our monkey tail overlords.

  24. Anonymous says:

    i have the same thing only downstairs.

  25. simonbarsinister says:

    Sorry for being pedantic, but that is clearly a Lemurtail-beard, not a Monkeytail-beard.

    • grimc says:

      That is noted in the caption at the website, explaining that monkeybeard enthusiasts have a soft spot for ring-tailed lemurs.

  26. Philboyd Studge says:

    My favorite postal clerk told me this story. His son worked at the zoo, and he once visited him at the ape-house. Dad sported an imposing full grey beard, which deeply disturbed the orangutans. When they saw him, they first reacted with fear and horror, followed by violent rage.

    I know how they feel now.

  27. Anonymous says:

    Sadly, the thing that bothers me most is that it isn’t symmetrical.

  28. Destin says:

    I’m a fan of comic face-shavery hijinks. F’rinstance:

  29. The Mudshark says:

    I´ve been wondering when this century would finally kick into gear and I´m so happy now because it was worth the wait.

  30. Anonymous says:

    that is fucking awesome. i wish i could grow one.

  31. Marktech says:

    Quick! Bring me my beardhead!

  32. Anonymous says:

    Hey, that’s not a monkey tail, that’s a Debian beard! :-)

  33. Anonymous says:

    Da Da Dum Dum!

  34. Anonymous says:

    Every generation has to have styles in hair clothes, and music guaranteed to piss off their parents. It makes me wonder what their children will find?

    This also re-enforces the idea that the last person whose looks were improved by facial hair was Abraham Lincoln.

  35. PeaceNerd says:

    That shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

  36. Anonymous says:


  37. pjcamp says:

    When I fuck up with my razor, I just shave and start over.

  38. TenInchesTaller says:

    oh my god. i am hiding my boyfriend’s laptop until this post is off the front page. you guys, he can not learn about this.

  39. Anonymous says:

    If I wasn’t already married, I´d marry him! Buy that man a beer!

  40. Inkmatt says:

    Innovative, too, for expanding the possibilities for social distinction: Does your monkey tail on the left or on the right? Above or below the lip? If below, do we call it a monkey-goatee?

  41. rrot says:

    It’s the other, even lamer, profile that really tells the tale!

  42. Anonymous says:

    It can turn out quite acceptable. Here’s my attempt at a Monkeytail beard:

  43. dsra says:

    I hate my generation. There is no possible way anyone will look back fondly on this kind of fashion.

  44. Tomas says:

    I do believe there is a certain billionaire/NBC Star/pseudo-politician who should cultivate one of these to go with the thing that lives on his head… :o)

  45. Sethum says:

    Did he stripe it??

  46. Anonymous says:

    Umm…this is ironic, right? Is it meta-ironic?

  47. Anonymous says:

    No, just no.

  48. Niklas says:

    It is that which should not be grown. it is the creature that should not be named.

  49. yosemite says:

    Don’t stop there! He needs to craft the monkey’s body out of the rest of his hair.

  50. Anonymous says:

    ooooo, that will never get old.

  51. Robert says:

    When I wake up in the morning and my hair is all over the place, I say “I have a cat on my head.” This guy, though, can have a cat on his head all day!

  52. Prufrock451 says:

    Would that make his ear the monkey’s butthole? I don’t want to know what he’s doing there.

  53. Anonymous says:

    I have worn facial hair of one sort or another since 1967 and would not wear a monkey tail beard except possibly at gunpoint.

  54. Anonymous says:

    Nice beard envy, beard haters! When it comes to facial hair, like most everything else, flaunt it if you’ve got it? Actually, that sounds like really bad advice. Even if the beard is an awesomely clever use of a mans given assets. Also funny looking.

  55. Anonymous says:

    Why so much animosity from this collection of Happy Mutants?

    If my facial follicle structure would support this, I’d wear it…until my wife sent me back to the bathroom to shave off the rest.

  56. Anonymous says:

    brilliant. my facial recognitions skills have gone primate-ive.

    other 21 century beards….. the throatee or the neck beard.

  57. funkadelic73 says:

    What up, G?

  58. allybeag says:

    I want to be a man so I can grow one! That is brilliant!

  59. Karl Elvis says:

    It’s hockey playoff season. There are going to be a lot of guys out there, players and fans, with newly grown ‘playoff beards’.

    This needs to get into the hands of every hockey fan and player. We’ll start a new tradition; post-playoff monkey-tails!

  60. grikdog says:


    • grikdog says:

      Actually, to be fair, that looks like something Q’s bride would do during the Janeway episodes. “Not on the lips!”

  61. Nash Rambler says:

    Curses! This idea is so good I wish I had thought of it first!

  62. Anonymous says:

    Actually, it looks like a lemur’s tail to me.

  63. bex says:

    no,No and NO

  64. Flaminica says:

    That started as a shaving accident.

  65. The Graphic Avenger says:

    Aaaaaaah… if my girlfriend hadn’t explicitly forbidden me to wear eccentric facial hair I would SO get one of these.

  66. Lobster says:

    Oops, someone’s jealous of the monkey beard!

  67. emmdeeaych says:

    Yes, yes you do.

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