The monkey tail, a beard

monkeytail-1.jpeg The awesome and epic Monkey Tail is the first major new beard of the twenty-first century and represents a profound innovation in the bearding industry.


  1. oh my god. i am hiding my boyfriend’s laptop until this post is off the front page. you guys, he can not learn about this.

  2. I hate my generation. There is no possible way anyone will look back fondly on this kind of fashion.

  3. When I wake up in the morning and my hair is all over the place, I say “I have a cat on my head.” This guy, though, can have a cat on his head all day!

  4. Would that make his ear the monkey’s butthole? I don’t want to know what he’s doing there.

  5. Nice beard envy, beard haters! When it comes to facial hair, like most everything else, flaunt it if you’ve got it? Actually, that sounds like really bad advice. Even if the beard is an awesomely clever use of a mans given assets. Also funny looking.

  6. Why so much animosity from this collection of Happy Mutants?

    If my facial follicle structure would support this, I’d wear it…until my wife sent me back to the bathroom to shave off the rest.

  7. Aaaaaaah… if my girlfriend hadn’t explicitly forbidden me to wear eccentric facial hair I would SO get one of these.

  8. We’ve secretly replaced this man’s brain with a Lemur. Let’s see if anyone can tell the difference!

  9. I am thinking of the asymmetrical beard style prevalent in Larry Niven’s _Known Space_ future society.

  10. … I actually think it’s really clever!
    And I bet the bearer has a few interesting things to tell. That’s a mind that’s not afraid of trying things out despite irrational opposition. :)
    I’d have a beer(d) with him!

  11. Sorry for being pedantic, but that is clearly a Lemurtail-beard, not a Monkeytail-beard.

    1. That is noted in the caption at the website, explaining that monkeybeard enthusiasts have a soft spot for ring-tailed lemurs.

  12. My favorite postal clerk told me this story. His son worked at the zoo, and he once visited him at the ape-house. Dad sported an imposing full grey beard, which deeply disturbed the orangutans. When they saw him, they first reacted with fear and horror, followed by violent rage.

    I know how they feel now.

  13. Innovative, too, for expanding the possibilities for social distinction: Does your monkey tail on the left or on the right? Above or below the lip? If below, do we call it a monkey-goatee?

  14. brilliant. my facial recognitions skills have gone primate-ive.

    other 21 century beards….. the throatee or the neck beard.

  15. Nice. I like how he wiped the boring completely off his face. Don’t let the squares get you down, lemur man.

  16. I bet a sufficiently dedicated (and fur-faced) man could get one more curl by ending the spiral on the “soul patch” just under the lower lip. Who’s up to the challenge?

    1. I bet a sufficiently dedicated (and fur-faced) man could get one more curl by ending the spiral on the “soul patch” just under the lower lip. Who’s up to the challenge?

      Shandy Brown seems to be the true monkeytail pioneer (May 2008), and did just that with the earliest known example.

  17. This is a paradigm shift in facial hair style! Personally, I think this style could easily be adapted to look like the Cheshire Cat if you include the hair somehow :D

  18. He needs to cut the head off of a stuffed monkey toy, attach it to an elastic and wear it like an eyepatch just below his hairline.

    1. That is also some hipster crud. Clever but still stupid.

      Just for kicks how about star-burns. I feel dumber just knowing that I know about those/them.

      Or or or, my dad’s penchant for ridiculous facial hair hi-jinx. One loooong beard parted in the middle and tied up in a knot over his lip. What an idiot. That’s just one example BTW, there were many more which is only one of the many reasons why I think my father is a complete dumb-ass.

  19. I have worn facial hair of one sort or another since 1967 and would not wear a monkey tail beard except possibly at gunpoint.

  20. I do believe there is a certain billionaire/NBC Star/pseudo-politician who should cultivate one of these to go with the thing that lives on his head… :o)

  21. It’s hockey playoff season. There are going to be a lot of guys out there, players and fans, with newly grown ‘playoff beards’.

    This needs to get into the hands of every hockey fan and player. We’ll start a new tradition; post-playoff monkey-tails!

    1. Actually, to be fair, that looks like something Q’s bride would do during the Janeway episodes. “Not on the lips!”

  22. I´ve been wondering when this century would finally kick into gear and I´m so happy now because it was worth the wait.

  23. Every generation has to have styles in hair clothes, and music guaranteed to piss off their parents. It makes me wonder what their children will find?

    This also re-enforces the idea that the last person whose looks were improved by facial hair was Abraham Lincoln.

  24. With all kids and adults have done to their hair, like crazy colors and cuts WHY is this so different? It grows out and I think if guys can do it go ahead.

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