John Ashcroft assumes charge of "ethics and professionalism" for Blackwater


17 Responses to “John Ashcroft assumes charge of "ethics and professionalism" for Blackwater”

  1. Teller says:

    Don’t be so cynical. Being in charge of ethics could teach him something.

  2. MTBooks says:

    I hopes he realizes he won’t be as immune to prosecution in his new post. He knowingly misused/broke the law, imprisoning for a long time a “potential witness” that they never, ever planned to call to testify. But you know what? The supreme court says that doesn’t matter. He was the AG and he’s untouchable for anything he did then.

    Opinion piece but the facts are cited:

  3. EH says:

    So who’s Blackwater/Xe’s “new Erik Prince?”

  4. sylvar says:

    See, this is why people need to use the Submitterator. Faster handling of this story would have gotten it posted on April 1st as it should have been.

    …wait, it WHAT?

    Never mind… *sigh*

  5. jvwalt says:

    I pity the hardworking folks at The Onion. When real life is like this, is there any room left for satire?

  6. Anonymous says:

    You left off Mr. Ashcroft’s highest accomplishment from his resume.

    He lost a senate election to a dead guy.

    Let the eagle soar!!!

  7. benher says:

    So… Ashcroft is in charge of Xenon gas? Will this mean an increase in high-intensity flash bulb pricing?

  8. Anonymous says:

    Hey, I’ve got an idea!
    Using Ashcroft’s “Patriot” Act, I will omnisciently watch all of the politicians, where they go, what they say on the phone, what (or “who”) they buy!

    Then I will use Xe omnipotently as a extralegal domestic enforcer!

    So if money doesn’t get my legislation passed, muscle will!

    Why I tell you, it’s so crazy, it just might work!

    Who needs democracy when you have the “Patriot” Act!

    (I think I will copyright my idea, I don’t think Mussolini did, did he?)

  9. Anonymous says:

    this makes sense, perfectly. what an elegant solution for both sides.


  10. Robbo says:

    It’s like we’re living in a Vonnegut novel – without the laughs.

  11. Mark Temporis says:

    Ethics chief at Blackwater? Sounds like a cruise job, like Head Sommelier for Alcoholics Anonymous.

  12. Suburbancowboy says:

    Let the eagle soar.

  13. lost feliz says:

    Our Navy Seals make $50-60k a year. These private mercenaries make $100k to over $300k a year with nice perks and sometimes tax free. Seems like a great way to drive our highest trained soldiers out of the military and into the private sector. Of course, our politicians and public servants cash in when they leave for the private sector too!

    • jonw says:

      Navy SEALs make upwards of twice that much when you count in various types of special pay, allowances, and the combat zone tax exemption “loophole.” They also acquire special skills, have a lot of fun and get to see the world. The fact that they turn away applicants is a pretty good indicator their compensation is not too bad.

  14. Piperbum says:

    They’d better remove any semi-nude statuary in their offices before he starts his new job.

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