Osama bin Fappin'

Among the items Navy SEALs reportedly retrieved from Osama's Abbottabad compound: a porn stash presumed to have been viewed and used for pleasurable purposes by the world's most wanted terrorist. That visual I just stuck in your head? You're welcome.

Reuters reports that the adult material found "consists of modern, electronically recorded video and is fairly extensive." Snip:

The officials said they were not yet sure precisely where in the compound the pornography was discovered or who had been viewing it. Specifically, the officials said they did not know if bin Laden himself had acquired or viewed the materials.

Reports from Abbottabad have said that bin Laden's compound was cut off from the Internet or other hard-wired communications networks. It is unclear how compound residents would have acquired the pornography.

As fun as it is to make LOLs, it's worth noting that Reuters is the only organization to have reported this claim, based on anonymously quoted "officials." Previous details about the OBL operation have been mis-reported by the administration, and it's possible that this, too, is bogus.

[via Wired News]

• [Anonymous]

  This news justifies killing him, of course.

• [grimc]

  Important to remember that this is coming from the same country that thought making Castro’s beard fall out would be a propaganda coup.

  Besides, even if it is true I’m sure he just watched it for the articles.

• [hukes]

  And what if Osama did view it?! What’s wrong with that?

  Don’t news agencies have something more important to report?

  • [Jack]

    It means he’s a fundamentalist hypocrite.

    • [Rob]

      Why do you repeat yourself?

    • [Neon Tooth]

      It means he’s a fundamentalist hypocrite.

      Part of me wants that to be the case, the rest thinks this is all too convenient when it comes to propaganda purposes.

      • [spejic]

        I am outraged as well. It beggars belief that a strictly religious man, who would have set up a government where such things were illegal, would have had acted on his own perverted sexual desires in some way. As a citizen of the very religious United States, I am just not accustomed to seeing such things.

        Of course it is propaganda. It doesn’t mean it’s not true.

        • [Neon Tooth]

          Of course it is propaganda. It doesn’t mean it’s not true.

          Pat Tillman and Jessica Lynch called to say a little healthy skepticism is good.

          Oh and this:

          The agency actually did make a video purporting to show Osama bin Laden and his cronies sitting around a campfire swigging bottles of liquor and savoring their conquests with boys, one of the former CIA officers recalled, chuckling at the memory. The actors were drawn from “some of us darker-skinned employees,” he said.

          CIA group had wacky ideas

    • [redesigned]

      It means he’s a fundamentalist hypocrite.

      most are at some point or another, the problem with denying and denouncing human nature, is that as a human it is hard to avoid.

      fundamentalism = denialism

      i hope everyone realizes that there are intelligence officers somewhere assigned to review and analyze the material…lol. can you imagine being the person assigned to make sure there are no hidden messages in Bin Laden’s porn stash. too funny.

  • [noen]

    hukes
    And what if Osama did view it?! What’s wrong with that?

    It’s the hypocrisy of course. He murdered thousands of people because we are decedent morally depraved westerners. It turns out Osam thought just like every other religious leader does:

    Rules are for little people.

    • [travtastic]

      So dat guy hated ‘er freedoms?

• [Dave Faris]

  So you’re saying he was human?

• [Bubba]

  “Osama bin Fappin’”

  Bravo, damn near shat myself laughing.

• [JArmstrong]

  “Specifically, the officials said they did not know if bin Laden himself had acquired or viewed the materials.”

  Well, I assume they’ve got his DNA on file, so…

  • [phosphorious]

    eewwwwwwwwwww. . . .

• [54N71460]

  “modern, electronically recorded video” as opposed to “antique, wooden carved video”?

• [Jack Daniel]

  I’m with the tea-baggers on this one: RELEASE THE PICTURES!

• [Sekino]

  I’m only shocked about the fact that it wasn’t the second headline after “OBL IS DEAD!!!!!”; “Oh, BTW there was porn…”. I mean if there’s anyone you would expect to have a stash, it would be some holed-up religious fanatic. Big scoop there.

  Tell me when you don’t find porn…

• [Antinous / Moderator]

  In other news, they found pictures of Mr. bin Laden dressed as Judy Garland, a signed confession for the murder of Jimmy Hoffa and the corpse of the Lindbergh baby.

  • [Jack]

    Where’s the beef? Clara Peller deserves an answer Bin Laden!

  • [irksome]

    Also, the skeletal remains of Judge Crater. Look it up.

    Xeni: Seriously; bestest headline ever.

    • [mraverage]

      yes, burka striptease. that’s it.
      bare ankles, removal of the veil, and the all time favorite……… a woman’s head and HAIR completely uncovered. oh hell yes.

      But i really wouldn’t be surprised if it’s only camel hardcore.
      One hump or two?

      • [copperivet]

        You ever see “Girl with a Pearl Earring”? The scene where you finally see Scarlett Johansson’s hair is more erotic than most nude scenes.

  • [travtastic]

    Incorrect!

    They found a previously unreleased exaltation concerning his love for unions, universal health care and Planned Parenthood.

  • [Jack]

    To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Osama Bin Laden.

• [Anonymous]

  Osama bin Fappin’ – ROFLMAO! Best headline EVER

• [gwailo_joe]

  just another human

  thank goodness Bush and Obama and Clinton never looked at porn

  “enjoy that porn in HELL obl!!!”

  • [valdis]

    Clinton looked, but he didn’t inhale. Or something like that.

• [RedShirt77]

  Were these western videos or like middle eastern women doing their thing. Like was he a hypocritical zenophobe too?
  Burqa removal as erotica sounds histerical.

  • [Gilbert Wham]

    The probability of that already being A Thing, I shall leave up to you to Google. Don’t colour me surprised when it is, though.

• [Joe]

  There have been a number of reports that bin Laden used flash drives delivered by couriers to get his messages out, and to receive messages. He didn’t have a phone or Internet connection to foil the NSA. He could have received his porn that way if he wanted to, or his guards could have.

• [MarkM]

  The anonymous obligatory Truther posts following any mention of OBL
  are starting to get annoying. (“You fools actually think OBL
  had something to do with 9/11 …”)

  Didn’t Obama’s long-form birth certificate disprove ALL
  lame conspiracies, not just his? If you are a Truther,
  you were also a Birther. Just like you “know” all about
  structural engineering, you also “knew” that the Hawaiian
  short form was a fake because it was missing that crucial
  [detail fill-in] which you had expert knowledge on.

  So, Obama’s non-conspiracy invalidates Osama’s. I “know” this.

• [msbpodcast]

  It’d be interesting to see just how big a misogynist he was.

• [shiva7663]

  It could be raw data for steganography.

  • [Xeni Jardin]

    More like jerkanoffgraphy, amirite

    • [Tdawwg]

      U R RITE. To wit, British MI6 agents “discovered” (undoubtedly through much practice, heh) that

      [Tdawwg]

      Hurr, funked up that link:

      http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/8015180/MI6-used-bodily-fluids-as-invisible-ink.html

      Readers of Tom McCarthy’s extraordinary novel C. will kvell along with me over the single initial of the secret MI6 chief. Quelle coincidence!

    • [Angstrom]

      Perhaps he had finally discovered that the old saying is true: “the Penis mightier than the sword”

• [petertrepan]

  That hadn’t occurred to me. They did supposedly use steganography to communicate, and there are good reasons to use porn as the medium:

  * There’s an overwhelming amount of existing porn to camouflage the porn with secret messages.
  * No thoughtful ‘legitimate’ cover story is necessary for why those pictures should be on the internet.
  * Intelligence agents are probably discouraged from lingering over porn at work, even if it might contain steganography.

  • [petertrepan]

    Oh, and most importantly, if an intelligence agent is data mining for uncharacteristic browsing in a suspect, or websites with odd patterns of visitors, the best place to hide information would be in a site that can draw any male visitor at random.

  • [Michael Smith]

    The only issue I can see with using porn for steganography is that there are usually plenty of copies of each file in the wild, so a simple MD5 catalogue could be used to detect modified files. I used a simple script with MD5 checksums to remove duplicates from my own um, media, collection. I didn’t find as many dupes as I expected.

    It might be better to hide data in original material like pictures from our holiday in Kashmir or some such.

[bill streeter]

My bullshit detector went off when I heard this story. You have to remember that the US is eager to present OBL in the worst, most embarrassing light possible and I seriously doubt they are above making stuff up. It’s great psy-ops against Al Quida–discourage and demoralize the rank and file operatives by presenting their pius leader as a pervert. I’m not saying that it would be impossible for OBL to have a porn stash, I’m only saying that what information is leaked by the pentagon is very deliberately chosen and for a purpose. Think about it this way: since US Intel is the only agency with access to everything they confiscated from his compound they could just make a bunch of shit up if it suits them.

• [wrybread]

  “my bullshit detector went off”

  I have the same suspicion. Reminds me of the way the U.S. discredited Julian Assange with those bogus rape charges. And its scary how well it works: seems to me that most people take Julian Assange much less seriously than they used to. And picturing Bin Laden jerking off to Bang Brothers does a good job of taking the high ground away from him.

  I guess this sort of sexual smearing is nothing new for the U.S., they’ve been doing it at least since the early days of J. Edgar Hoover and the FBI.

  • [Toff]

    “taking the high ground away from him.”

    He had high ground?

    • [wrybread]

      “he had high ground?”

      He sure did. Sacrificed everything, all his money, his freedom, and eventually his life for what he believed in, which is that the United States meddles relentlessly with the Middle East. And how can you argue with his logic? From the 1953 CIA-engineered revolution in Iran that led to the Shah of Iran (Mohammad Pahlavi), and countless other examples, the U.S. is anything but respectful when it comes to the Middle East.

      If any country messed with the United States to any comparable extent we’d be protesting like crazy.

      I’m not saying I’m glad he attacked the United States mind you. Far from it. But I’m saying that he had a point, and that point deserves recognition.

  • [Anonymous]

    Umm, yeah, men rarely view porn, likely all just an American conspiracy. Hah!

    “the simplest explanation is most likely the correct one.
    - Occam’s Razor

    Top Worldwide Search Requests for “sex”:
    1. Pakistan
    http://internet-filter-review.toptenreviews.com/internet-pornography-statistics.html

• [noen]

  bill streeter said
  My bullshit detector went off

  Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Ya know, if ya use a little lube that can help with premature detector alarms.

[MooseDesign]

One of the video titles was apparently “Holed Up”

Seriously, didn’t the same thing happen when we got Manuel Noriega?

• [Anonymous]

  the same thing happened to Noriegra and Allende, sounds like typical CIA shenanigans to me. I’ll bet they “found” some cocaine in there too.

[nanuq]

So, he had three wives living under the same roof AND a porn stash? Whatever.

[Anonymous]

First, I wouldn’t be surprised if Osama bin Laden consumed pornography, he was a human after all. But even if they found pornography in his house (and this isn’t just propaganda or rumours), there is nothing in those news reports that indicate that he ever watched porn, or even that someone else in his household watched porn.

If someone uses MS Windows, you can likely find traces of pornography on their storage media. Most Windows-computers that are connected to internet is part of (several) bot-nets. Those that control the bot-nets use them to do a lot of things (usually anything that generate a hefty profit), including using them to deliver pornography.

The USB-sticks that was used to deliver data to Osama bin Laden had been connected to computers at a waste number of internet cafés. In poor countries, computers in internet cafés usually run an unpatched, pirated copy of windows. That practically guarantees that many different kind of malware on those computers have used the USB-sticks as buffer memory. About 20-40% of the computers (connected to internet), that run legal and up to date copies of MS Windows, with up to date virus protection, is part of bot-nets. Most windows installations is not fully patched and many of them don’t use any antivirus software, or use an not up to date virus protection (malware that pretend to be antivirus software is also very common). At any day for the last decade 60-90% of the windows-computers (connected to internet, directly or indirectly) around the world have interacted with at least one bot-net.

Apart from that, Osama bin Laden lived with two of his wives, one nurse, one of his sons and his wife and kids, two caretakers/servants with families and some body guards (this is what I picked up from different news reports, mostly interviews with his neighbours, no guarantees that this account of his household is perfectly correct other then that there was a lot of people living in that house (and that they drank a lot of Pepsi and Coca Cola ;-) ). Anyone in his household could have been using pornography.

• [wrybread]

  Where on earth are you getting your statistics? Its fine to say something like “I think a lot of Windows computers are compromised”, but please spare everyone the faux statistics about “20%-40% of Windows computers being part of bot-nets”.

[Anonymous]

My dark fantasy is that a hapless courier handed OBL the wrong thumb drive. Is this not a simple explanation?

[mack]

What better way to sow dissension and rattle cages than float a completely unsubstantiable yarn about a highly influential dead leader.

Sorry, this whole thing smells highly of eau d’CIA.

• [Tdawwg]

  That’s not the only fragrant fluid it smells of, lolz.

[Anonymous]

Al Qaeda cell leader “They say that the boss had a totally heinous porn stash”

Al Qaeda cell lieutenant “ugh.., kids?”

Al Qaeda cell leader “Worse… Westerners!”

[Dave Faris]

You would have thought OBL had heard of truecrypt.

[Sam125]

Must be a slow news day if junk stories like this passes as news.

• [Tdawwg]

  Guess you didn’t hear about all the old-left talking points that, like Osama’s wounded wife, were part of the collateral damage in the Abbottabad raid: Reflexive America Bashing, Unthinking Moral Equivalence, Self-Loathing Guilt, and many others, all found shot through the brain. Fascinatingly, the wounds would appear to have been self-inflicted. . . .

• [social_maladroit]

  Must be a slow news day if junk stories like this passes as news.

  Nah. This OBL story is the gift that keeps on giving, to media outlets of every stripe.

  When the AP filed a FOIA request for pictures of OBL post-execution, they told the Atlantic:

  “This information is important for the historical record,” said Michael Oreskes, senior managing editor at The Associated Press. “That’s our view. [...] At this point, anything that might shed more light on what occurred is potentially quite newsworthy. So we would like this imagery to fully understand what happened during this event.”

  Translation: “This information is important for our bottom line. That’s our view. At this point, anything that might get more eyes on our news product is potentially quite lucrative. So we would like this imagery to fully monetize what happened during this event.”

  The pandering’s just begun!

[Anonymous]

I’m sure I’ve read previously that our government has stated that pornography funds terrorism. That statement may very well be true, regardless of who the real terrorists are. The far more worrying reaction to these ‘stories’ is that if we are to believe OBL used pornagraphy to embed secret communications then anyone now looking at porn on the internet may be considered a terrorist or at the very least put on a watch list. You see where this is going! Another layer of policing ourselves and that of our neighbors?

I’m sick fed up of this BS. Just stop reading the news and get on with your lives. Even the ‘conspiracy’ sites want to spread fear into you, far more than the government do. Get a life, enjoy your family, read books, play video games, go for a walk, cook, entertain your friends and family, paint, swim, garden. But most important of all, switch off the internet and the news channels and you’ll live a far richer and less frustrating life. I did this a about a year ago, and pop in to boing boing from time to time, and nothing ever changes. Jeez! It’s like a bad soap opera around here.

[Anonymous]

Not to defend Bin Laden but the article you link to does NOT say he had been watching it

“The officials said they were not yet sure precisely where in the compound the pornography was discovered or who had been viewing it.”

It was there and somebody had been watching it, but there’s zero proof it was him.

• [Tdawwg]

  It was there and somebody had been watching it, but there’s zero proof it was him.

  Plenty of jerkumstantial evidence, though.

[Isoko]

Best Boing Boing headline ever.

@Sekino “Tell me when you don’t find porn…”

Lol

[Anonymous]

I fap to Michele Malkin cheerleading videos. Does that make me weird?

[voiceinthedistance]

It’s the real deal:
Barely Burqa’d
Ankles and Calves
Fun ‘d Mental Freakout
Nothing is Sacred

Anybody else find it odd that as a religious zealot, he wasn’t gay? Nothing wrong with the gay part, of course, but doesn’t it usually go along with the hard core doctrine?

[Toff]

The genre or titles haven’t been reported, have they?

But it is kind of old news:

“Enger said some U.S. agents have reported bin Laden has used steganography — the art of hiding a message in plain sight, such as a text message hidden in a picture file — and pornography Web sites to communicate. Enger said those sites would be considered unlikely hiding places for a devout Muslim like bin Laden.”
“Bin Laden’s Cybertrail Proves Elusive.” USA Today September 20, 2001. http://www.usatoday.com/tech/news/2001/09/20/attacks-cybertrail.htm

and has been revisited from time to time, e.g. “Link between child porn and Muslim terrorists discovered in police raids: Paedophile websites are being used to pass information between terrorists” The Times. October 17, 2008. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/crime/article4959002.ece

[felixjawesome]

I’d like to imagine that the reason the “HELMET CAM” footage isn’t going to be released because the SEALs stormed in on Osama jacking-it. I’d also like to think the SEALs would have been kind enough to let him finish…like they are all just standing around watching him jack-it

OBL: “Oooooh, come on, let me at least finish, for Allah’s sake”

SEAL #1: “okay…fine. hurry up. make it quick.”

OBL: “Can’t I get a little privacy?”

SEAL #2: “You’re lucky we are letting you finish”

OBL: “You guys suck. This is so gay. But whatever, I’ll be porking virgins in heaven soon enough.”

SEAL #3: “The moment you pop your cork, I’m going to pop mine…my gun’s cork that is…give you a facial of lead”

OBL: “Oh yes….yes….talk dirty to me.”

SEAL #4: “Uhhh…”

OBL: “Don’t be so shy. Come on…join in, I don’t want to be the only guy jacking off…it’ll be just like your American bootcamp….we can make a game of it…you know…see who finishes first.”

SEAL #5: “Just hurry it up. We don’t got all day mister.”

SEAL #6: “Anyone else got a boner right now?”

[Anonymous]

When we captured Noriega, it was reported that he had kiddie porn. A couple of years later the porn turned out to be Sear’s catalogs. Disinformation is pretty easy to do.

[Anonymous]

Does this mean porn is evil?

[Anonymous]

Turban Cowboys
Suspicious Packages
Outfidels
Brokeback Mecca
Infidelicious
Blow This Up
Jihad Me at Hello

• [Antinous / Moderator]

  The Other Side of Abbotabad
  ar-Riyadh Wrecking Company
  Afghan Cream
  Recruited to Raise Hell
  Karachi Plays Itself

  Funnily enough, Desert Heat, Dune Buddies and Boys in the Sand don’t even require title changes.

  • [bja009]

    “Deep Goat.”

[Anonymous]

Either you are with us or with the pornstars.

[opmaroon]

The PR machine is moving into 5th gear now, hilarious!

[Bloodboiler]

- Saddam Hussein from a hole in Iraq: 1 year.
- Osama bin Laden from anywhere the world: 15 years.
- Porn from a computer: 0.1 seconds.

I’d say the last one is the least impressive find.

[redesigned]

Porn Titles Released: “The 72 Virgins of Heaven”, “Gaza Strippers”, “Squeal like a Capitalist Pig”, “Jerka on my Burka”, “She da Bomb”, “Twin Towers”, “Shiite on Me”, “Blow me…Up”, “Camel Toe”, “Muslim Dicks, Infidel Chicks”, “Terror Wrist Action”, “Sandy Bottoms”, etc.

(j/k…i was feeling depressed and thinking these up made me laugh, i don’t mean to offend anyone.)

• [Jack]

  The most controversial title is “Smack My Tuchus.”

[Anonymous]

Orchestrated events designed to further the cause of the orchestraters is what we are witnessing. It’s possible the dude isn’t even dead. An event “goes live” then all these experts, all these well considered opinions of “good” folk, and angry idiots, all chime in to explain whats going on and to react to what they are sure is reality. It’s supremely and sublimely surreal. All we know is that something happened. Those that know don’t say, or they lie about what they know, and those don’t know admit they don’t know, or they lie about what they think they know.

“Disinformation is pretty easy to do.” YES! And I say telling the truth is even easier, even if one must pay for it with one’s life.

We are being controlled and lied to on a level that is unprecedented. Question authority is obsolete because of the nature of those now in authority. Why question known liars? I say, question appearances. Truth exists. Know there are those who want to kill the truth, if not own and control truth for their own wicked gain.

The slavery of 100 or 200 years ago and earlier is a Mr. Rogers Neighborhood compared to the hardcore Oz prison modern day slavery going on right now.

My guess is the Obama bin Laden myth is to instill fear in those that think it’s God’s will to murder. Ironically it’s coming from those who have a very similar belief.

I say be afraid of God. Be very afraid. It’s the beginning of wisdom. Perfect love casts out all fear. So let’s be afraid of nothing but God, and perfect our love until there’s nothing to be afraid of.

[Anonymous]

No one seems to remember those reports that OBL was obsessed with Whitney Huston and wanted to meet her and talked about killing Bobby Brown. Some woman who claimed to have been held against her will by him said he was obsessed with her and talked about his porn collection.

Google it, I saw it brought up last week again.

[tyger11]

News about every little tidbit of Osama’s life are SO last week. It’s time to get over it already. He’s left the building, people. Get back to your lolcats! Even Apple news is more interesting than this guy.

[markjamesmurphy]

I wonder if he had “Weapons Of Ass Destruction”.

[1849]

So what? Who cares what the liars and murderers claim?

[Anonymous]

If the porn is in the form of digital files, could they be the cover files for steganographic messages?

https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Steganography

[Magnus the Destroyer]

Bogus, perhaps? YA THINK?

How much fucking time did these guys have to roam around the compound looking through cupboards and drawers after storming it and shooting the place up right next to an elite military academy?

I mean for fuck’s sake, WHO THE FUCK BUYS THIS HORSESHIT?

That is not a rhetorical question! I want to know so we can round those people up and feed them high fructose corn syrup until they explode.

FUCK THEM.

[dwdyer]

Criminy.

“Reports from Abbottabad have said that bin Laden’s compound was cut off from the Internet or other hard-wired communications networks. It is unclear how compound residents would have acquired the pornography.”

We now live in a world where we think the ONLY way to get porn is over the internet.

• [Anonymous]

  He got his email via sneaker-net. A 4GB flash drive holds a lot of email. Probably a lot more than he actually receives, leaving plenty of room for his daily dump of alt.binaries.bestiality, alt.tasteless and alt.binaries.mom. Maybe that skeezy guy browsing porn in a Pakistani Internet Cafe was really OBL’s courier getting him the hook up.

[Lucky]

I fail to see why it’s so unusual they found ‘puter porn. Sex is pretty universal and so is the almighty porn, from Bishops to Bin Laden. So they’re floating a fake pron story to “discredit” Bin Laden?
Heck, he was just raised a few notches on my evil henchmen, of course he didn’t need the porn. Multiple wives in bed is your own private swinger movie. It goes to show, nobody is immune from the glory of the pron.

• [turn_self_off]

  It is likely true, but why “leak” it unless it is to undermine his standing as a “true follower of Islam”?

  • [Lucky]

    eh, I think even the “true followers of Islam” partake in a little porn viewing from time to time. There is a certainly a myth of puritanical non-sexuality that people think “religious folks” hold themselves to. Most are just plane ole’ hypocrites who partake in swinger parties, hookers, strippers, bi, gay, and everything else in the spectrum of human sexuality. I think it may take the mystery out of the mythical Bin laden finding out he may have fapped to some westernized big boobed California blonde. Is that part of the idea behind the release? Probably, but the hardcore (pun intended) won’t listen much to what the US says Osama did anyway.

    • [turn_self_off]

      Oh, very much so. All too often the person shouting the highest about some sin or other (most often being gay these days), is doing so based on personal experience…

[turn_self_off]

Trying to perform post-mortem character assassination are they?