Yelp review for $8 billion Kansas Abortionplex (after the viral Onion article on same)


Remember the (fictitious, funny) Onion article "Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex"? Now the famed Abortionplex is on Yelp. Free nachos and mojitos after your partial birth abortion, with a Yelp discount code! As noted in a previous Boing Boing post, many people believe the Abortionplex (and other Onion coverage) is real. I can't wait for the credulous Fox News coverage to kick in.

Here's one recent review:

Everyone loves Abortionplex, but true fans know that the real magic is found in the secret menu. A 2x3 lets you sandwich in movie screenings at the theater before, between and after ridding yourself of potential twins. An 8x8? Spend your day easily breezing from Octomom to Oscars noms. Hold the butter on that popcorn though - you're not eating for 9 anymore!

Tell your doc you want The Flying Dutchman if you want to squeeze your abortion appointment in between two pieces of meat, if you know what I mean, and let's face it, you always know what I mean.

But real pros know that nothing satisfies your hunger for an empty uterus quite as much as well as Animal Style. In this iteration of the classic abortion, after the doctor perfectly vacuums the contents of your uterus, she then fills it with a secret sauce filled with tiny unicorns which will trot around poking holes in your uterine lining and preventing zygotes from taking hold for at least 6 months. But let's face it, even if you're already filled to the brim with tiny unicorns and think you won't be abortion-hungry again for a while, you know you'll be poking around Abortionplex tomorrow on your lunch break. It's too good to stay away!

(thanks, Susannah!)



  1. Hello, I’m Thad. I’ll be your server today. May I take your fetus or do you need a little more time?

  2. That… is … awesomesauce! And one of the pictures is from Amanda Palmer’s Oasis video! Truly funny.

  3. Too frickin’ funny! The Onion $8 billion Abortionplex article was full of lolz, but these Yelp “reviews” took it to the NEXT LEVEL.

    Fuck YES. Yay, interwebs!!

  4. Interestingly, when I attempted to ‘like’ that page on StumbleUpon, I got
    “404 :(
    We’re sorry. That site appears to be unavailable. Please try again later”

    First time I’ve ever seen that (on a page that loaded fine for me), and I’ve been on SU for 6+ years.

  5. Now we know what to do with those empty Borders stores.
    On the serious side, once you set loose something like this you never know where it will go. A reporter’s joke got into the pipeline and was picked up as real. He tried to choke it but 2 years later it was still floating about.
    I think one could make a really good rag about the Republicans joining the Chinese Communist party. Wouldn’t take much imagination. Nixon would do anything. Considering how the tail now wags the dog it would be great fun.

  6. That’s funny, my friend created that about a week or so ago after the whole Facebook thing where the righties couldn’t tell the onion article was fake.

    Pure Awesome to see this go from a facebook prank to Boing Boing!

  7. This article reminded me of a online comic page from a while ago. It’s a very good webcomic, but perhaps not the most work safe.

    I’m tempted to write a yelp review influenced by this page.

  8. Have any conservatives caught on that this is a joke? I can’t imagine that no one among them would not notice that for so long.

  9. Ok… now… if anyone takes THIS seriously and starts ranting about it (I mean the reviews) and yeah, it might be hard to tell… we should really, totally this time, start worrying about the fate of the human race.

    1. Yes, abortion is real. So are chickens, priests and rabbis, knocks on the door, war, god (maybe), politics, sex, love, hate and ignorance, etc. etc.
      We make jokes about all of them. Sometimes we laugh.
      Are you saying that only things that are not real can be funny?

      Why are you reading this thread anyway?

  10. This is part of Satins plan for the Internet!

    You laugh, you lose… your immortal soul!

    Y’all are all goin ta he’ll, you bunch of morans!

    1. So a type of cloth has plans for the internet? Who knew.

      And who you callin’ morans, you jirk?

  11. Hey, man… when the shallow self-serving caricature created to deny human beings medical attention is so prevalent one can’t tell a joke about the idiotic caricature from their own expectations of reality… at that point all there is to do is laugh.

    Laugh laugh laugh (and possibly really build an abortionplex).

    1. ^ ^ Hear, hear.

      Laugh laugh laugh (and possibly really build an abortionplex)

      And provide free transport.

  12. I imagine the original Onion article was full of LOLs, but this Yelp digression has a distinct taste of someone Not Getting It.

    Drunk chick social photos? Really?

    And some of the text-based “humor” only works if you buy into several already too-predominant assumptions about women who get abortions. It’s almost as if someone forwarded the Yelp gag URL to the gang at Oral Roberts, and fundies who think they’re “South Park Republicans” all got their humor on.

  13. Let’s all just keep stepping it up a notch; continuously intensify the piss-taking of the fucktard brigade until it reaches a deafening crescendo that finally penetrates their thick skulls.

    1. I think they’re everyone’s due for a good trepanning, myself. Getting a bit of air to their brains’ll do ’em worlds of good.

  14. I’m getting more lulz out of rubes believing an Onion article to be “news” than anything else. The next article is called “Nation down to last 100 grown-ups”, FFS.

  15. If the Beijing Evening News – a state-run paper – can treat an Onion article about Congress wanting a new Capitol or they’ll leave DC as real proof of how those pathetic Americans capitalist pigs think of nothing but me, me, me, it’s hardly surprising that certain people on both sides might see this and actually take it seriously.

  16. Don’t laugh too hard. This week, Boingboing fell for the equally fake story about a guy catching a laptop thief using “hidden” software (that can somehow take pictures of the computer it’s installed on from across the room) – and that equally fake story is now being reported in the mainstream press.

  17. I noticed to things that I don’t see anyone else commenting on.

    All the yelp reviews were funny and well written. Usually they are not. Most people are not that talented at writing funny text.

    All the reviews were done betweeen May 31 and June 2. That is a lot for the 294 reviews to get posted by random people.

    I wonder if the reviews themselves (as well as creating the Abortionplex profile on Yelp) were done by the talented writers at the Onion.

Comments are closed.