My Drunk Kitchen

[Video Link] via Sean Bonner. Contains swearing and alcohol, may not be work or child-safe.


    1. She’s probably not drunk. Remember Foster Brooks? He made a career out of being a fake drunk.

    1. You are not lying. I haven’t been this aware of how editing can affect the outcome of a video in a long time. And the fact that it not only saved what would probably be annoying to actually hilarious is even more amazing.

  1. maybe i’m old school, but it’s unladylike for a woman to appear drunk in public. Just sayin.’

  2. OMG I’m dying over here.

    “We’re gonna get baked.”


    I do agree with that layman idea of baking terms. Like creaming or when people talk about sugar states like string/soft ball/hard ball/cracked. (I bake/cook so I’m familiar with these ideas, but I find a lot of recipes just say combine when it really really should be cream.)

    Cream > Mix > Cram

  3. Once one has been off heroin and booze for 12 years, people become unfunny, unattractive, unentertaining and pitiful when drunk. Curious, innit?

    Alcohol is such a low drug.

    1. A similar thing can happen when you were raised in a family with abusive drunks or live with one for long enough.

      I know, I know, I’m the one with the problem here but I just find myself thinking “go the fuck away” and not much else.

      1. If you are disturbed viewing drunks, why did you click through? You have a choice in this case, so don’t watch and your problem is solved.

        1. I didn’t, actually. You see she’s been around for a while and was getting posted all over my FB for some time. I’m the sort of person that will watch something a friend asks me to even if I don’t really want to for the first couple times.

          So, when I saw it here I already had an opinion.

    2. Once one has been off judging others for their behaviour for 12 years, people become unfunny, unattractive, unentertaining and pitiful when being morally superior.

      Moral superiority is such a sad state.

    3. Yeah, it’s kind of funny how people who can’t deal with stuff envy people who can. Not everybody who has been overserved once or twice in their lives turns into some kind of slobbering, drug-crazed monster who sells off their kids toys for another drink/fix. Sadly, you appear to fall into that latter category, and deserve the pity of your betters.

  4. There is nothing attractive about a drunk woman… well, except for the increased willingness to get busy.

    On another note, how about an episode of “My Salvia Kitchen”?

    1. There’s nothing attractive about a drunk man either, except the… oh wait… yeah nothing.

    2. The drunk woman is a lesbian, so she probably doesn’t care if you don’t find her attractive.

  5. Just to be clear, I know women and men who can drink but know their limit, and act acceptably in public.

    And, the old adage that a sharp knife is safer than a dull one, no longer applies.

    This guy Bourdain makes it clear that he’s high most of the time on his show, but then again he rarely cooks.

  6. This my friends is what happens when San Franciscans move to Brooklyn.

    They stop being able to hold their liquor well enough to look up ‘cream’ on the internet.

    1. This my friends is what happens when San Franciscans move to Brooklyn.

      I can’t explain why this strikes me as so funny, but having lived both places, I can say there’s definitely some truth there. In San Francisco, being able to get your dinner party done while inebriated is just another part of keeping your shit handled.

      For the scolds, please recall that tragedy and comedy often share a bed. There’s no reason one or the other has to steal all the covers.

      Also, drunk kitchen lady is mighty cute.

      1. I can’t explain why this strikes me as so funny, but having lived both places, I can say there’s definitely some truth there. In San Francisco, being able to get your dinner party done while inebriated is just another part of keeping your shit handled.

        San Francisco has been a serious drinking town since the Gold Rush.

        Events created in SF like Santarchy, the Urban Iditarod and Brides of March would make no sense without copious amounts of public drunkenness. I’m convinced that Critical Mass was thought up while drunk and the only reason it isn’t carried out drunk is because of the threat of a DUI. :)

  7. Having seen my best friend die in the bottle (he committed suicide by head-on collision, crippling the other driver for life) I just can’t get a humor boner up for this.

    1. I am sorry for your loss.

      Some people are able to enjoy alcohol as a fun thing, and for others, it is a disease. I am a longtime friend of Bill, myself. I have also lost friends, and sometimes you just can’t laugh. But for others, this will be something fun. Life is complicated.

  8. Nope, not my idea of funny. At my age I’ve heard way too many ‘guess-what-I-did-while-I-was-drunk!’ stories and I’ve watched too many loved ones slip away over the years, one drink following another until some major organ failed them.

    Confession: Although I heard a few stories in my youth so funny I fell off a chair and spilled my beer. I ain’t no saint.

  9. Funny? Yes. Cute? Yes.

    Some people just can’ts wait to get righteous and/or serious about what many others think is funny! They like to tell us what we should think is funny like the far right likes to tell us what is moral. I tend to tell both groups to screw themselves and then I laugh at them.

  10. As Xeni already said, what’s funny is pretty personal, but for me, this ranks up there with The Least Funny Things Ever on the Internet.

  11. Ever since X died while in/doing/subject to/involved with Y, I can no longer enjoy Y, or witness others enjoying Y without letting them know that their enjoyment of Y contradicts my lack of enjoyment and/or sadness regarding Y.

    1. Some would argue that the Amos ‘n’ Andy show should never have been pulled from broadcast. As Xeni says, it’s complicated.

    2. Ever since my whole family was killed by algebra, I have not been able to enjoy X’s or Y’s.

  12. I like her, and her boozey nature. Perhaps it is a little bit forced, but it’s a good schtick!
    The editing makes it!

  13. Having read the comments first, I was annoyed by all the people on their high horses until I reached 0:49 and my eyes widened in horror.

    “OMG! Those aren’t champagne glasses!”

    Everyone’s a critic…

  14. Thank god all you guys came rushing over here to watch this cute video and tell us how not funny it was. I was worried I was about to enjoy something.

  15. This is soooooo cute. I love it. Yes, she is hamming it up but when I’m on camera so do I….and I bet your a hammy on camera too….

    1. She’s no Vegan Black Metal Chef.

      Yeah, I don’t really get why this is funny. Some people are funny when drunk. This person, not so much.

  16. A funny idea, but all this did was make me thank my lucky stars (again) that the internets weren’t strong enough for one to upload such a video when I was her age.

  17. BoingBoing is only ever allowed to post things that I, personally, find “funny”. Posting of anything else, therefore being by definition “not funny”, will be punishable by fines up to and including $1,000,000 Internet Monies.

    1. I don’t think there is a ‘why’ so much as random mutation, but if you take judgmentalism as a fitness function it shouldn’t be hard to post amusing, inoffensive content for all. It’s 2011, people.

  18. She’s an adorable drunk.

    I get the whole YouTube-jumpcutty aesthetic. But maybe shoot the thing drunk. Edit the thing sober. Just sayin’.

  19. Id lol at 4:14 and 5:30.

    At first I thought “This is not a good idea”, but then I was “awesome! more champain for the lady!!!!”

  20. I have video of me driving over 100mph around turns on a race track. If I upload it, would you all talk about how horrible speeding is on public streets? Her being (likely fake) drunk for a video is not the same as someone driving drunk into oncoming traffic. She’s making a show, it’s entertainment. Comparing it to Amos & Andy is the TV equivalent of a Godwinning.

    If you watch Pulp Fiction, do you go on about how horrible gun deaths are? Do you complain about anal rape? Or do you laugh at the funny banter and enjoy the movie? People are so weird sometimes.

  21. Well, I think she’s hilarious. I can see how having a rough upbringing or a nasty history with your addictions can give you a different filter, but then what did you expect when you saw the title ‘Drunk Kitchen’? Best to avoid things you know will be a trigger for your issues.

  22. lots of indignation floating around here.

    i just see this as a person playing a comedic role. my gut tells me that she probably isn’t as drunk as she portrays. what i do suspect is that she is a woman who has some good comic chops, great editing skills, and a desire to make us laugh at her portrayed expense. hardly a spiraling drunk.

    i thought it was cute and well crafted.

    i’m watching the other episodes now. good stuff.

    and if i’m wrong, well… so be it.

    we’re not paid to come to this blog. if we think something is not going to be to our tastes, we can skip on by.

    1. Indeed! But, crucially: self-handicapping people! And “handicaps” that have a 20 minute-2 hour duration. The indignity!

      For shame, those sad billions who have chosen to destroy themselves through mild inebriation, perhaps as often as thrice bi-monthly. And don’t even get me started on the evils of sugar consumption. Why, I’m considering protesting outside of birthday parties for children, what with the foolish and pathetic cackles of the sugar-drunk, stumbling and bumbling along the road to perdition.

      Cruel, cruel humanity.

  23. Sorry for being perceived as a downer. Didn’t mean it. If you’ve ever been in a relationship where the SO thought that they were “more entertaining” or were a better person when they were pickled, your first reaction to something like this is to cringe.

    Your friends look at you with pity. Don’t mind me.

  24. Notice that:

    item 2 and item 6 are both eggs…

    Item 6 is just fracking mother fracking better I guess.

    -Until smooth ?! I don’t have that kind of time!

    Back left of the kitchen – a MF Kitchen Aid mixer..

  25. Interesting dynamic between those who have good reason to dislike drunkenness and those who think they should get over it. Listening is hard work — it’s even harder when we put words in each others’ mouths.

    1. No one is saying to get over it. But why whine about it to strangers on the internet having fun?

  26. First, the video is indeed funny! But I was really off-put by the blurry/jelly-like webcam aesthetic. Everything else was great!

    But as far as people criticizing drinking goes, you know here in the U.S. we have an interesting problem. There really is no way to rationally tell anyone “Look, you drank too much…” or even “You know what, I had enough.” Ditto with pot. And you know what, pot and alcohol use isn’t always cool. Just I wish there was some way to rationally say that without instantly being considered a “narc” or a “lame-o” when there is a valid reason. Because I think these random “drinking is bad” stuff comes from folks who really feel no safe place to say how they feel without being maligned.

  27. For hipsters of a certain age, this is like a trip down memory lane, to a simpler time when our housewife mothers (“old broads” in the jargon of the day) would perform this routine nightly to a horrified audience of children already in a semi-tranced state of mind after watching 3 or 4 hours of afternoon cartoons (“daycare” is the modern equivalent, I think).

    I didn’t think it was funny at the time. Now, I grin, but it’s a sad kind of embarrassed grin, like you get when you remember something stupid you did in front of a large group of people.

    I suspect Hannah might feel the same way in, oh, 20 years or so. If she hasn’t become a raging alcoholic by then.

    But I’m smiling, because it’s complicated, I get that.

        1. Careful about that…some wines age badly, and yet others are best fresh.

          Just so, some tastes and habits are perhaps best left behind as one ages, and drinking to excess too excessively imho is one such.

          In general, though, I had thought that entrusting the lady of the house with the key to the booze closet or box was the “key” to keeping things within proper limits – perhaps I should think again!

  28. I’m just disgusted and disappointed that Boing Boing wastes my internet and encourages that poor victim, who clearly was beaten and abused into domestic slavery by that rage-freak volcanic murderer man! Her suicidal alcoholism is may be a joke to you terrible people, but it’s like a window on all the ills of America to us righteous! This fallen world is nothing but doom, death, poison, rape, murder, cannibalism, tax fraud, and bad grammar, and you have no right to turn your attention to anything else, EVER!

    Soylent Green is Unicorns!

    Just kidding. I think it’s hilarious, she’s adorable, and I bet even the biscuit-cookies were worth a try.

    The only serious criticism I would make is her choice of alcohol. Two bottles of champagne? If it wasn’t scripted and well-acted, as it clearly is, the poor girl had a hell of a morning after.

    The hardest thing about the internet is resisting the urge to click on the links that will piss us off and reinforce our bitterness and despair. Hell, I read through hundreds of comments on Fark and Reddit every day, just to find those that will nourish the hatred eating at my heart. It’s a sad addiction.

    And yes, I loathe self-destructive drunkenness as much as anyone. I suppose my alcoholic father’s suicide ending a sorrowful lifetime trajectory of misery and deceit didn’t leave me with many illusions in that area.

    I still can accept that for most people an occasional buzz is a welcome relief from the hardship of producing our seemingly mandatory daily quota of sphincter-diamonds of judgment and contempt.

  29. Hilarious!
    Also…A $250 stand mixer in the background and she doesn’t know wtf “cream” means. Classic!

    1. No, gov’t should tax alcohol, cigarettes and eventually pot; making revenue on a what might be an addiction is a sure shot. Native American get a break on this; it’s the least we could do.

      1. If the pot be medicinal and prescribed, we should not tax it; but if the pot is being sold without prescription, tax it.

  30. Yay buzzed biscuit making young lady! Nice act.

    If you don’t like drinking, why watch a post about it?

    Also: Champagne=High Class

    1. @ gwailo_joe

      If you don’t like drinking, why watch a post about it?

      These things exert a powerful gravitational pull of their own: like some kind of tractor beam, they capture our attention and drag us over our own objections into a place where our conscience is utterly powerless to stop our morbid fascination with risky behavior.

      It’s human nature to slow down and make a careful study of car wrecks and other catastrophic failures. Whether you enjoy the grisly aftermath is almost irrelevant to the fact that you gain vicarious instruction from the results.

      My Drunk Kitchen is really a cautionary tale documenting what will doubtless become, over time, a gradual erosion of human dignity into a animal depravity. As we collectively press the brake pedal in order to decelerate and observe the mayhem, some of us will dial 911; others will laugh and shout “Miller Time!” This has always been the case, that two separate and contradictory human impulses are revealed at times like these. If your knuckles are white and your jaw is clenched, you probably have some issues with drinking, unlike the other spectators, who will use the collision of cooking and booze to concoct a perverse cocktail of tragedy and humor. Which is very intoxicating. That’s the complicated irony of all this–but if you’re over 21, a perfectly legal predicament.

  31. I was raised by an abusive drunk. Thankfully he is now sober. Not surprisingly I don’t drink. Yet I still find this woman entertaining. I am one of her subscribers. To each his own I guess.

  32. I saw this at work without sound and then at home with sound. I have to say, it’s much funnier without sound. I love her gesticulations.

  33. “The cheese is trapped!”

    harto is awesome.

    (also, wtf is up with all the concern trolls in here?)

  34. I’m so glad that people managed to shoehorn their own personal bullshit into a funny and fun post – you make Boingboing a better place by reminding us that you are a recovering alcoholic and that daddy touched your no-no place or whatever the fuck your boring insignificant problem is!

    All I want to do now is drink coffee and listen to that “Not a Habit” song, you know the one – the one all the self-pitying ex-druggy alcoholics sing…

    “Breaaathe it in and breeeeathe it out…”


    (sorry for any double-posting: totally forgot to sign in because i am shitfaced)

  35. Those amused may be even more so by its predecessor, Pandora’s Kitchen:

    Also, there’s real cooking.

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