#8 Scheise Nase? WUT?

That’s not an “s”, it’s an “f”. Also, you’ve swapped the vowels, so I guess you’re intentionally aiming for a Scheiße (Scheisse) pun.

“Schief” just means crooked.

APRIL’07- There never was much love lost between dad and his older sister (his younger sister Marga, born years later, he liked even less). Femmie had one of those ‘potato’ noses that you see in medieval Flemish paintings; she’d inherited it from her mother. When she became a teenager she was very self conscious of her ‘ugliness’ and her brother wasn’t at all helpful in this regard; dad still says Femmie was ugly (and stupid). I’ve seen photographs of my aunt Femmie and disagree.
An advertisement appeared in a magazine: 
Gefällt ihre Nase nicht?
Dann können Sie den Nasenformer gebrauchen
Schicken Sie uns Mk.14,95…
 
Not satisfied with your nose?
Then you could make use of the ‘Nose-former’.
Send us 14.95 Mark…
 APRIL’07- A felt lined leather case arrived. Inside were instructions, a few tubes of cream and an instrument made of copper, with various strategically placed screws to adjust the shape of the nose. The instructions proclaimed not to expect instant results and that the process would have to be repeated and would take time.
Before going to bed, Femmie would generously apply the thick white cream to her nose. She would then put on the device and tighten the various screws, in particular the ones on her flaring nostrils. She looked ridiculous. In the morning she would take off the Nasenformer, her nose now being pale and thinly ‘pinched’. Gradually her nose would ‘bloom’ into its normal shape and end up bright red and larger than before. She got no encouragement or support from her brother, only laughter and derision. Femmie wasn’t put off; she persisted with the Nasenformer, night after night, for a long time (to no avail).
To this day, dad can put on a hilarious performance of ‘Femmie and the Nasenformer’ which has us in stitches. If the internet had existed then, I’m sure the Nasenformer would have been right there with the Viagra pills and penis enlargers.

…if your nose bothers you then its time to see a shrink…

Who will almost certainly agree with you that your status in life is primarily dependent on whether or not you’re considered physically attractive.

Or is asking already being anti-Semitic?

Full disclosure: my nose is pretty damn Haken. And I wish I had Mr. Haken Nase’s awesome Schnurrbart.

http://resources.ushmm.org/inquery/uia_doc.php/query/85?uf=uia_WfscOl

People still believed in crap like Phrenology when ads like this were in vogue.

Ralf Koenig certainly does.

Well to a large extend you can. Your body changes in reaction to what you eat and how you exercise.

I think of those more as settings than design features/bugs.

You can’t change minor details like nose shape without surgery, but really if your nose bothers you then its time to see a shrink…

It doesn’t bother me. Nothing about my body particularly bothers me. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t change it if I could. I wouldn’t resort to surgery for purely aesthetic improvements, though. I’ll wait patiently for a more elegant solution.

That doesn’t stop the contraption being ridiculous and hilarious.

Well to a large extend you can. Your body changes in reaction to what you eat and how you exercise. You can’t change minor details like nose shape without surgery, but really if your nose bothers you then its time to see a shrink…

http://memory-alpha.org/wiki/IDIC