The Slap Hat

This is no normal hat. This is a Slap Hat Extreme. To be clear, it is intended for "tactical" slapping.

Previously: Tactical pen.


  1. A two-pound hat, “100% the density of lead.”

    My fat head is heavy enough.  I’ll stick with the tinfoil, thanks.

  2. Sap hat makes more sense, unless the word sap is too old for young whippersnappers to recognize, in which case they should get off my lawn. … or unless “Sap hat” is already trademarked by some other company. “Slap” is what a dandy does before challenging someone to a duel.

    1. I totally agree that hitting someone with a two pound weight sounds a lot more like sapping than slapping.  Plus the second meaning works well too, because anyone who keeps two pounds of lead on their noggin for hypothetical self-defense is acting like a sap.

  3. Wearing a 1.8-pound hat on your head on the off chance that a) you’ll need it to defend yourself and b) your assailant will give you the chance is likely one of the stupidest ideas that anyone has ever had. You may as well wear one of those bucket hats with fishing flies pinned to it a la Colonel Blake on M*A*S*H; you could do serious damage to someone with all those hooks.

    1. I agree, it makes no sense for defense.  but I bet it’s great for “defense”.

      “It’s coming right for us!”

  4. There was a bowler hat on the TV… Ah! John Stead! Bowler-hatted her of The Avengers I think? Gentlemen dressed properly in those days.

    I wonder how much that weighed. I seem to recall that it could do a lot of damage.

    I know one thing: he didn’t buy it on Amazon!

  5. “Sap Hat” has already been trademarked by the Maple Syrup Association of Canada.  You don’t want to mess with those MSACs. 

    So does this go good with a Slap Chop?

  6. The one star review on Amazon by W. French points out:
    “My concern on this is really simple. It’s basically a wearable “blackjack, sandbag or sand club.” In my state that’s criminal possession of a weapon, fourth degree. I bet it is something like that in yours, too. It’s concealed, so that speaks toward intent to use the same unlawfully. Wear this into a licensed site for the sale of alcohol, such as your favorite sports bar, and now it’s felony. No thanks.”

  7. From the top review:
    “My one major complaint is that I have no idea what the impact material is actually made of. It is supposed to have the same density as lead, which leads me to believe that it is something else, but knowing the one thing that it isn’t doesn’t really narrow down the remaining possibilities. The reason I would like to know is that I don’t want this thing to set off the metal detector wands that some bouncers use at clubs, or to lose it at an airport. I doubt that it is a metal, but I would feel better knowing exactly what I’m wearing.”

    Translation: “I’m interested in bringing a weapon into a locale where weapons are frowned upon.”

  8. Can’t be tungsten, 2 lbs of tungsten is a lot more than $21. Given the price and probable non-radioactivity, I’d guess it’s probably some kind of copper alloy, maybe bronze. Seems unlikely it’s actually “100% the density of lead”.

  9.  My old dogeared hat had a couple of lead shower-curtain washers sewn into the “ears” and I could put a four-inch deep dent in the side of a 50-gallon steel drum with it.  So I suspect a two pound weight would be much too heavy for optimal coshing.

    Shakira did not put the weights in there to hit things with, that was just an emergent property of the hat we discovered one day.  Honest.

    Eh, off to Pennsic.  See y’all in a couple weeks.

        1. Dear God, that was the best thing I’ve seen all week.  Squealing intact, it obviously wasn’t tactical.

  10. Also, you better slap me HARD with that thing, because if not I will snatch it from your hand so fast you’ll wish you had gone with the pepper spray.  

    A cap brim does not a secure weapon handle make.

  11. This is classified as a Sap and is illegal in many states.  Felony to possess in CA.  But a concealed handgun without a permit is a misdemeanor. Pretty funny huh. That’s CA for you.  Honestly I don’t get what interest States have in outlawing self-defense gear like this.  A gun I can understand at least, but come on, as if somebody is going to use a friggen Sap hat in the commission of a crime!

    1. Wow I didn’t know those things existed.  And for sale on Amazon.  Although I’d go with the Indian war club myself :)

  12. Having a roll of quarters, you could plausibly be doing laundry, having almost any tool, you could plausibly have left it in your pocket after using it at home, with drumsticks you could be practicing in your spare time, with a glass soda bottle you were thirsty and environmentally conscious enough to hold onto it afterwards.  All of which are reasonable contingency weapons.  With a sap hat, it’s going to look pretty much like you chose your headgear cause you wanted to knock someone in the head. 

    1. Not sure about every state, but in Texas the use of such items as weapons basically turns the item into that weapon in the eyes of the law. A baseball bat, for example. It’s certainly legal to own and use one, but to strike someone with it turns it into a weapon (a club, which is illegal) and you would be charged accordingly. Unless, of course, you were at the batting cage so it was handy, it was self defense, and you had good reason to suspect grave bodily injury or death. So if somebody slaps you, it’s not a good idea to hit them with a bottle in the head. I’d be pretty cautious about carrying a roll of quarters or tool around too. If you do get into a fight, and you do use that, more than likely you’ll be charged with the use of an illegal weapon. Cops take that stuff seriously. Best options are to get a CHL or just learn to fight pretty well.

    2. Spoken like a true warrior!  Or just learn empty-handed combat and take the other guy’s weapon, if it pleases you.  Or not.  Your choice.

  13. Very nice.  The perfect defense tool.  Simply grab the bill and you have an impact weapon.  Sure.  And a funny thing happens when I clench my right hand and throw it at someone’s jaw who is attacking me.  Gasp.  My right fist is the perfect defensive weapon.  The left one isn’t exactly a joke, either.  I’m much more likely to throw a punch than grab the bill of my hat, especially in the heat of the moment. If you wish to don a chapeau of this nature, I suggest you train with it so that you can override natural defense responses with the absurd.

  14. I speculate that it is made of bismuth cut with some lighter metal.  There isn’t any element heavier than lead that is not radioactive.

  15. A sock full of nickels is more practical.  It’s just as illegal but you can use if for cab fare, maybe.

  16. So. . .a sap hat eh?  Weak sauce.  At least compared with the metal-tipped leather flail I carry with me every day.
    That also doubles as a deadly asphyxiating garrotte.
    And keeps my pants up.

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