Gollum, bearer of the ring

Gollum at a wedding [Tour With]


  1. Urgh. It was painful enough to watch this ad on T.V over and over again.
    And that staged, melodramatic “Everything was going fine…………… until…….”
    The whole Gollum thing is awesome tho.

    Disclaimer: The views and stupidity represented in this show are not that of all Australians.

      1. Well, with any luck they should be able to book Andy Serkis for the vow renewals, assuming Ian McKellan has already filled up his own performing-at-random-weddings schedule.

  2. One of these days my sensorium is going to become so attenuated to the tropes of reality TV that I will be able to view media like this without even noticing the drop-in soundtrack and “suddenly” narration.

    One of these days.

  3. At once highly funny and highly inappropriate. Will Gollum bite the groom’s finger off later? crumble the wedding cake over the edge of the cliff? Lure the wedding party into a giant spider’s lair?

    At least the ring will turn him invisible (to women).

    1. INYFW.  That said, all your ideas would be pretty awesome.

      I unfortunately missed a wedding in which the best man was dressed as a luchador, and wrestled a midget for some reason.

      I was lucky enough to attend a Halloween wedding of SCA members (local SCA chapter on hand to dress those who can’t supply their own garb), in which the ceremony was interrupted by robbers who had to be defeated in a six-man sword fight.

      A wedding is a party.  If something inoffensive is “inappropriate” then you’re partying wrong.

      1. It’s actually a) a solemn religious ceremony and b) a way for the two families to get to know each other. Turning it into a personal expression of how much you value irony over everyone else’s feelings is just not appropriate.

        If you disagree, why not just combine the bachelor/bachelorette parties and the wedding? I’m sure the strippers could mud wrestle the principals so they could “win” each others hand…that would be fun! Or you could dress as each others’ sexual fantasy and consummate the wedding right then and there! (Sure beats a Money Dance…and will perk up all those restive seniors out there….)

        1. It’s actually anything the people getting married want it to be. Appropriateness is determined by the bride and groom, not you.

          And if the families are just getting to know each other at the wedding, I think you might be doing it wrong.

        2. Perhaps you should make YOUR wedding a solemn religious ceremony then. Why is anyone upset over the way someone else celebrates their union? Its none of your business because its not your wedding! And BTW how many solemn ceremonies end in divorce? Probably the same number if not more. At least a couple with a sense of humor has a chance.

          1. I have a relative who thinks weddings ought to be non-traditional in every possible way as a matter of personal choice.  I like traditional — but that’s me —  if this is your thing, hey — do it — but she also gets all bent out of shape when people invite her to a wedding that actually takes place in a Church, since this is somehow an unfair imposition on her to attend a religious ceremony.

            I went to a strictly by-the-book Hindu wedding — 2.5 hours or so — entirely in Hindi and Sanskrit.  That one had a bunch of 5000 year old religio-babble (as Andy here puts it).  It was awesome.  And the party — yeee Gods! what a party — a party so big that the next person to fill up that same venue was Prince.

        3. Hahahaha, I suppose you worry about whether people are treating their Bris with appropriate gravity, too? Please. If it’s not your wedding, it’s a matter of taste, and tastes differ. If you’re too stiff and unpleasant to let people celebrate their union in their own way, you can always RSVP that you’re not attending.

          1. If you’re too stiff and unpleasant to let people celebrate their union in their own way, you can always RSVP that you’re not attending.

            You’re charitable to assume such people get invited in the first place.  True freedom begins when you can ditch the “obligatory” invitations.

        4. Hahaha, Alissa tsk tsk tsk,  It’s only a SOLEMN ceremony if your religion has correctly mind-controlled you into thinking fun is dumb. The last ten weddings I’ve been too have been beautiful, amazing, and unique- except for one thing they all had in common: NONE of them were “traditional”. None of them had 2000-year old religio-babble clogging up what was important. Here we had two friends who loved each other and were committing to each other- without all the downer babble of some guy who lives 2000 years ago boring everyone to death. Solemn? Pshhh… You can go be gloomy on the special day if you want, it’s your choice. Me? I’m going crowd surfing at my wedding. Call me un-classy but I’m having fun!

    2. Hate to say it but if you’ve incorporated Gollum into your wedding, you already are invisible to women.

      1. There’s a logic problem with your statement.  There did seem to be a couple getting married there.

        I do wish they would have followed it up with a morning after bit with two of the bridesmaids waking up cuddling Gollum.

  4. Having photographed countless weddings (worst gig EVER), I can relate two hard and fast rules.

    1. Do NOT smoosh the cake into the bride’s face. It’s her day and her dress. She does not think it’s funny/cute/in any way appropriate.

    2. Do NOT invite any guests from Middle Earth. I don’t care how formative it was for you; you’re a grown-up now.

    1. You know this how? Because all women are the same?

      The bride in this video was laughing. It was the bridesmaids who seemed shocked and appalled. Your failure is to assume that everyone wants or expects the same things. I would adjust your rules to just one: if you don’t know your potential spouse well enough to know whether the planned wedding activity will be appreciated, perhaps you two shouldn’t be getting married.

  5. What a travesty!  I can see Frodo, Bilbo or even Sam as the Ring Bearer at your wedding but Gollum?!  What was he thinking?

  6. Miss “I don’t think that’s appropriate for a wedding” needs to remember rule #1 of attending weddings: INYFW (It’s Not Your Fucking Wedding).

    1. The whole point of the show this is from is that 4 Brides get together to compete for the ‘Best Wedding’ Each has a wedding and the other three sit there and bitch and moan and nitpick about it the whole time. Why anyone would put themeselves through that is beyond me. It’s utterly horrible

      That is to say – it’s awesome televison

  7. @Irksome: Having made good money off of people with little to no taste by playing lotr characters at weddings I object to your sentiment.

    1. If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.

      That said, I’ve encountered several new mothers-in-law (read: psycho-devil art directors x2) that bore a startling similarity to Gollum, if not physically at least in demeanor. 

  8. All my friends and family (and my wife’s, too) would have been crowing with delight at this idea. I love our friends :)

    1. Well, duh.  MOST Australians are too busy wrestling crocodiles and putt down American punks for having puny knives to put on a silly wedding.  Besides, everyone knows Gollum is a Kiwi.

  9. I think my wife would have found that entertaining, deeply so. It’s probably a bit odd to carry off in the middle and the act from Gollum was a bit too long to keep it funny.

    I have to echo DragonFrog: an interrupting swordfight for the wedding to remind everyone why the groom stands on the right would be pretty awesome.

    Of course, my friends cut their cake with a Bat’Leth and had one of the most awesome weddings I’ve seen. So, yeah, nerd it out if you wish.

    Haters gonna hate.

  10. What bothered me most was the reaction of those women, gasping and cowering and calling him a “gargoyle.” What ignorance!

    Sure it was inapparopriate, awkward, and gimmicky to have Gollum bring the ring – as well as absurd that he would give up the ring for a fish – but how can those women be so lily-livered and dumb! Maybe it is such an uptight and self-absorbed crowd (they are on reality TV after all) that this kind of stunt is deserved.

  11. Yeah, the last wedding I attended had a theme of Super Mario Brothers. The entire wedding party wore shiny black boots (including the bride), the officiant read the vows out of a gaming handbook, the processional and recessional were 8 bit music, and we all cried with laughter and happiness.  It was AWESOME.

    Lighten up… start your life together with laughter and love.

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