/ Xeni Jardin / 3:07 pm Tue Aug 23, 2011

Ohio: Gentleman crashes stolen truck into adult store, steals $800 sex toy

"Police are looking for the sex-crazed loser who crashed a stolen semi-truck into an adult store early Monday morning, and swiped a very expensive XXX toy." Full news report, such as it is, with video.

Thank you, Ohio, for ensuring we never run out of "gentleman" material at Boing Boing. (via Steve Silberman)

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    1. Dude should have stayed with his Big Bird doll.

      Ugnhgh. Thanks for putting that image in my head.

      Oh, great, now I’m picturing a Snuffleupagus doll. Do you see what you’ve done?

  8. Don’t leave out the fact that the “gentleman” who crashed his truck into the XXX video store and stole stuff happens TO BE THE GOVERNOR OF OHIO.

  11. Words used to describe the perp:
    sex-crazed loser
    sexual deviant
    freak
    pervert
    sticky-fingered perv

    Iowa: judging others and doln’ it for procreation only! Ohhhhhhhh yeah!

  13. People, didn’t you hear? The mirror was almost knocked off the truck!

    Won’t someone think of the mirrors?

  14. Let’s see.

    The reporter is Harry Boomer.

    The story is literally titled “Sex-Drive.”

    They repeatedly call him some variation of “freak.”

    The sex toy is described as a “MORE sexually explicit mannequin.”

    This is the second time the same store has been robbed in the same manner for a similar item, yet police believe the incidents are unrelated.

    The “pervert” got away on foot.

    Harry Boomer signs off asking us to “Drop a dime on this fool.”

    In summation, this is the greatest piece of reporting ever.

  15. $800? Was it a Sybian? I’d be inclined to crash my car for one of those.  Or, I suppose, if I was using one of those, I’d likely crash my car.

  20. Local authorities have issued an APB and are looking for a male with a contented look on his face. In this economy very few have been detained.

    1. I don’t know how scary that is. Having been a human being who was treated much as a doll, I kind of hope more of  these people find what they want in plastic instead of torturing real humans into doll-like submission or death?

  24. Could somebody give me some examples of sex toys that cost $800? With that sort of money, you could get your rocks off and go away for the weekend, too.

  26. Waiting for BB post: Gentleman crashes stolen sex toy into adult store, steals $80000 truck.

    And while I’m here, where do these “reporters” get off (har!) calling this guy a “creep with a dangerous sex drive”, a “highly sexed man”, a “sexual deviant”, a “pervert”, etc., when they themselves report that the doll was gone when the cops found the guy (who got away and is  unidentified) still in the truck. Could it not be that this “freak” is actually just a thief? He went right for the expensive item and got rid of it (maybe sold it through a fence; HAR!). Are people who break in to jewelry stores to steal diamond necklaces freaky transvestites? Are the thieves who steal cases (or truckloads) of cigarettes just nicotine addicts?

    I hope the cops are smarter than these reporters.
     

  27. I think it was an inside job, and the “doll” was just using him to make her escape.  How else do you explain that they made their separate escape?  She had him provide her a pair of pants and a mannequin top half and she’s instantly anonymous.  She ditched him, took of in his car and left him for the cops.  Poor sap.  He had such dreams.

  31. How well does an $800 sex toy sell at B&M?  That’s a lot of cash to carry, so one has to assume it’s going to show up on a credit card statement, and either way it’s a LOT to spend on a toy.

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