Insane tabloid headline about little person porn star killed by animal

 Static Enhanced Terminal01 2011 9 14 10 Enhanced-Buzz-470-1316011437-3 A coup of tabloid headline writing, from the UK rag The Sunday Sport. The backstory, from BuzzFeed:
Percy Foster was a 3-foot-6-inch dwarf who starred in the UK porno “Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It's Up Your Arse We Go.” He bore an uncanny resemblance to celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay. Welsh agriculture officials discovered Foster's body in an underground chamber…
"The Most Epic Tabloid Headline Of All Time"

35

  1. This is the kind of thing that makes we want to abandon my previous life and become a journalist.

    They obviously have a lot more fun than I do.

  2. Clearly this is why PETA is launching a porn site. http://sync.sympatico.ca/news/peta_to_launch_porn_site_in_name_of_animal_rights/d3d7e527

  3. Has anyone figured out if he just wandered into some random badger hole/den or was his corpse placed there in an attempt to dispose of evidence?

    I know that the pr0n industry is not the safest to work in, but I have never heard of a “star” becoming badger poodoo.

  4. Isn’t it nice

    Sugar and spice

    Luring disco dollies

    To a life of vice

    I could make a film

    And make you my star

    You’d be a natural

    The way you arehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlB77vM2FMg
     

  5. How is “little person” an adjective? I understand the PC thing behind it, but “Little person porn star” just sounds awful… why not just go with “little porn star”?

    1. Hmmm… at first blush, it seems like blind search-and-replace mentality, swapping the adjective “dwarf” for the non-adjective “little person.”

      But thinking about it more, I think it can be an adjective, in the same way that the not-normally-an-adjective “boy” can be used in the phrase “boy genius” (or “boy porn star”). It’s a genius (or porn star) who’s a boy.

      Similarly, you could refer to a “frog footman” (here), a “vampire porn star,” a “robot manservant” etc.

      There may be better ways to say it in prose, but headline grammar isn’t always completely logical anyway.

  6. Buncha things.
     
    First of all, LOTS of great headlines today, all so weird that all I can say is “Jesus, this shit posts/writes iteself some days.”
     
    Secondly:  Incipient, I LOVE YOU for the “Sex Dwarf” link.  It takes me back to the days in the 80’s when late night TV would actually show videos like this. Anyone else remember “Night Flight??’
     
    Thirdly–did anyone actually verify this story?
     
    Fourth–Thank you Intertubes for the “Badger Badger Badger…Mushroom” and “Honey Badger” refs.
     
    When aliens dig up our hard drive a billion years from now they will be very confused…

  7. This is what’s wrong with journalism today. You never hear about the good stories, like when a midget devours a badger, for example.

  8. As the Gawker comments thread on this story notes,

    1) The Sunday Sport just plain makes things up, on the level of the National Enquirer or the Onion.

    2) Neither the supposed victim (Percy Foster) nor the adult film producer quoted in the story (Dexter Yamunkeh) was known to Google prior to the Sunday Sport’s first story about Foster (about a month ago).

    Insane tabloid headline? Certainly! True story: almost certainly not.

  9. Yep. This is right up there with the Weekly World News classic, “Two-Headed Woman Pregnant. One Head wants a Boy, One Head wants a Girl”.

  10. Would it be rotten to point out that this is from a newspaper with decades of previous form when it comes to inventing stories, and that rather unusually for a porn star, there appear to be no references whatsoever to Mr Foster online which predate his earlier appearance in the Sport?

  11. Life imitates art, sort of. Look for the British movie “Death at a Funeral” for a vaguely similar fictional scenario.

  12. My friend is a journalist and so rung up the Welsh police’s press officer to confirm the police report. The police had no idea what she was asking about and were highly confused. Alas, she does not make audio recordings of these conversations, as it’s one I’d dearly love to hear.

  13. I noticed this last week but the article I was pointed to had one of the greatest  sentences I’ve ever read:

    “According to as much Google research as we could feasibly do in the office without getting fired, celebrity-lookalike-dwarf-porn is the financial pinnacle of adult dwarf entertainment and Foster was set to strike it rich.”

  14. Who would be the equivalently hilarious female version?

    Rachel Ray Sex Dwarf…
    Paula Deen Sex Dwarf…
    Giada de Laurentiis Sex Dwarf…

  15. Whenever you see a headline that makes you think “They couldn’t make it up” whilst mistaking it for news, you’ll find they DID make it up, and it was made up at the Sunday/Daily Sport.
    WWII Bomber Found on the Moon?  London Double-Decker bus found in Antarctic Ice?  

    Here on Airstrip One we can invent anything we like and call it the truth.  The current story, proposed by our Prime Minister, is that we are all in this recession together, that’s really insane:

    http://iconicphotos.wordpress.com/2010/03/14/the-bullingdon-club/

Comments are closed.