Xeni Jardin at 11:44 am Wed, Oct 12, 2011
ADVERTISE AT BOING BOING!
"The camera is shaking because I'm shaking. And I'm shaking because I'm SCARED OF THAT TURKEY."—Duffy Kelly, Sacramento, CA television news producer, who was terrorized by a turkey.
Read her full account here.
(thanks, Joe Sabia)
I saw someone doing that routine with a neighborhood squirrel once. The squirrel noticed she was noticing him, and for him that meant she was going to feed him, so he started approaching. She started screaming at him, which was, of course, more attention so he kept coming. The best thing should could have done was ignore him and walk away, but she didn’t, so he kept following her down the street as she walked backwards yelling at him.
If you don’t want an interaction, don’t interact.
No turkey video on Youtube can ever compete with Sarah Palin pardoning a Thanksgiving Turkey while other turkeys are killed behind her, in view of the camera.
This is hilarious. The only turkey in that video is holding the camera.
“With God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.” –Arthur Carlson
awwwwwwwww crap you beat me too it! You know I would have loved to be folley on that episode. It is a brilliant scene, because most of it is done off camera with just the sound effects guy who had to be made of steel working this one! “there’s something dropping out of the helicopter…..” SMACK yep, everything after that is a blur….I think I swallowed my tongue….during that episode. Comic history.
Yet another first world problem: “Help! I’m being chased by food!”
That turkey smells fear!
It’s true and turkeys have an amazing sense of smell. Little known fact: turkeys weren’t originally killed by Pilgrims for food, it was a safety measure to keep turkey hordes from swooping in to gobble up the children.
haha yay sacramento….
That car scene is very Jusassic Park. Nature always finds a way.
This is so fantastic. I hope someone’s already busy making macros from the screen capture of the turkey’s head popping up above the hood.
Also? What damage could that turkey do to a human?
Famously, a swan can break your arm. A turkey is a similarly sized bird. Draw your own conclusions.
(Note that the truthfulness of the cliche I cite is disputed, and those backing it claim the damage is inflicted by the wings, which aren’t that similar in size or strength. Oh, well.)
Yeah, I never really understood the physics of how that would work. The bones in a swan’s wing are much lighter and more fragile than the bones of a human arm, so it seems like any impact sufficient to break bone would do more damage to the former.
A large male turkey can weigh up to 45 pounds. He comes equipped with naturally occurring spurs on his feet. He will defend his territory to the death.
Birds of that size can wreak serious havoc on the fragile human body. Perhaps not quite as much damage as an ostrich or an emu, but serious stuff. :}Frankly, I was betting on the turkey.
If a 45 pound man attacks me don’t surprised if I batt him away whilst uttering “stopit stopit stopit”
Well, sure, unless it’s a 45 pound man with naturally occurring spurs.
I’m going to go ahead and try not to think of being attacked by a man with his naturally occurring spur, just sayin.
I wonder how much he weighs. Random Task was the little person in Austin Powers.
Joseph Hyungmin Son, 40, allegedly killed his 50-year-old cellmate, who was found dead Monday afternoon at Wasco State Prison Reception Center in Kern County.
Son, who played henchman Random Task in “Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery,” was also briefly a mixed martial arts fighter who used the name Joe Son.
I believe you’re thinking of “Mini-Me” played by Vern Troyer. This guy is closer to average height and build.
Derp. You’re right, he’s much closer to average height. Wiki says he’s 5’4″ and 236.
That said, I’ve come across a turkey with its spawn blocking a trail I was trying to use. I didn’t get hysterical like this woman, but I wouldn’t want to get in any sort of fight with one of those things. While that turkey wasn’t being violent (it ain’t no peaock), it was being curious and/or aggressive… which with that kind of size could easily turn ugly.
A large wild turkey tops out around 30 pounds. The 45-pounders are of the domesticated, too-obese-to-mate-on-their-own-let-alone-put-up-a-big-fight variety.
Sometimes that turkey he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And,
you know, the thing about a turkey… he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes.
Like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn’t seem to be living…
until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then… ah
then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin’.
I never thought they’d be re-making “Blo0d Freak”.
Don’t laugh, man, turkeys are scary when they’re mad.
Natural selection will work everything out. Turkeys will one day dominate the food chain. Your days are numbered petty humans!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA *Gobble Gobble*
The Revenge of the Turkeys! Coming this Thanksgiving to a theater near you.
“Tom Turkey just turned the tables on Duffy Kelly. Gobble. Gobble. Gobble.”
“What do I have…..? I don’t have a stick!”
And what that, a new classic is born.
We’ll all remember exactly where we were the first time we saw the turkey-chasing-the-reporter video.
“I would not want to be living here, thank you very much.”
She’s acting like she’s being terrorized by an axe murderer and yet she needs to get in a snooty ‘thank you very much’ comment about the neighborhood??? LOL
I have found the best method of dealing with aggressive birds is to blunder around in very large boots not paying any attention to where they are standing, they’re not stupid they will get out of your way, the minute they realise that you don’t care if you step on them or if they are even there, they immediately react accordingly, however if they get even a hint that you’re a potential victim they will bother you forever, people think birds are nice feathery cute creatures, if you spend any time with them at all you quickly learn they are vindictive vicious little bastards if they can get away with it, there is a reason it’s called a pecking order, don’t let them peck you, you as a big tall human should be the one they aren’t stupid enough to mess with, I must remember to bring my rubber band gun next time I head out to the country, they have to learn not to jump up on my picnic tables and peck at my things, I’m not advocating being mean to them but don’t put up with their shit, cos you have to put up with their actual shit.
I have to admire how aggressive and prepared you are! I think you’d be an excellent companion in a post-apocalyptic zombie Turkey situation
And it begins: http://i.imgur.com/rWAo5.gif
Needs a Jaws theme soundtrack.
The Cujo of birds!! Where is Alfred Hitchcock when we need him?
For all those who laughed dismissively when informed that Velociraptor was really only the size of a turkey, now you know how scared people can be of a turkey. At least we can be fairly certain that turkeys can’t open doors.
What, no yackety sax?
Her first mistake was backing away.
There’s NO WAY Turkey’s going to get into the UN if it keeps pulling this kind of senseless aggression.
I saw this scene in the “Blair Turkey Project”. “I’m so scared right now!”
What a turkey!
It’s been done before. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDNnNmgqhNI
I’m w. Nate Freewheel.
If you end up fleeing from a turkey you’re almost certainly overly-civilized.
-abs probably wouldn’t actually kill and eat that turkey, but he is pretty sure he could kick it’s ass in a fight if he had to
That turkey does to that “Journalist” what none of the rest of us have the guts to do. Bravo my feathered friend.
In Soviet Russia, turkey feasts on YOU!
(Sorry, try as I might, I couldn’t resist the tired internet meme. :D )
Yet another Turkey channeling its inner velociraptor. Being armed apparently doesn’t help.
It has begun…
This video really stretches the definition of the word “attacked”. By that definition I’ve probably “attacked” several of my coworkers today already.
The turkey didn’t look aggressive – I’ve seen them when they are pissed off and you can tell. This one just thought she had something it wanted. If it wanted to “get” her, it would have just jumped on her and bit her or something.
why is everybody picking on her?
why is everybody picking on her?
I think it’s the Darwin thing. She seems to be concerned for her safety, but she’s running backwards while filming and narrating. Either charge the turkey or run for cover, but stop talking and forget filming.
That poor woman. If only we had some way to slay the beast.
This makes me want to go turkey hunting.
Attacked? I must have blinked.
How can we think of cutting back on the US Postal Service when our heroes in blue are the only thing standing between us and the global turkey menace!!!
“Battle not with turkeys lest ye become a turkey; and if you gaze at the turkey, the turkey gazes into you.”
Oh man…that is awesome. What we have learned here is that a handful of corn, thrown across some suburban driveway (and maybe the quick thinking of aUSPS employee…as long as it’s not a weekend) is all that stands between us and the Turpokalypse.
Anyone else reminded of Jurassic Park?
Replace “turkey” with “hyper-evolved dinosaur” and all of a sudden her behavior doesn’t seem so ludicrous.
I was disappointed the turkey didn’t jump on the car’s hood and start pecking away at the glass.
This is a clear example of why every citizen should exercise their constitutional rights to be armed. The natural world is full of unpredictable dangers and no one knows when they could be attacked by a lunatic turkey or swan. (eyes rolling here)
People who didn’t grow up around animals are sad. Just like people who never learned to swim.
This actually explains a lot about local news coverage in the United States. I guess it started with cynical journalists who overdramatized boring local happenings to drive ratings and here we are, a couple of generations later with an industry that attracts overly dramatic people who have been raised on this kind of news coverage and are guided into the local news industry by their overdeveloped amygdalas.
Don’t think she’s gonna get the Afghan brief, do you?
no sympathy here. i’m not an alpha type personality, but people can be such little bitches. that turkey would do well to receive a nice kick or two to ward it off. i got sick of watching the reporter run, so i skipped ahead and then stopped watching. did the turkey even strike or just follow?
changing gears a bit, i live rurally and i own a potbellied pig, which has gotten to be pretty huge, actually. i’m no hick, by the way. just a few moments ago the pig came up to me while i was rocking my 11 month old on the porch, to try and soothe her. the pig started sniffing at my toes. knowing well that if this pig thought my toes were food he could bite into them like an apple, i delivered an attention getting kick to his shoulder. nothing to injure or hurt, just to say ‘hey, back off’. establishing dominance with a wild or unfamiliar animal is key in controlling the situation… unless it’s a bear. bears are crazy.
People are mentioning Jurassic Park, but I’m thinking that camera guy in Starship Troopers.
Man, I was so looking for a video of a turkey attacking itself, rather than this pathetic woman.
It’s not only worth remembering their dinosaur pasts while dealing with birds of any decent size, I find it impossible to forget. A goose in a bad mood is legitimately terrifying, and the people who stupidly attempt to befriend the flocks of swans in the canals near where I live rapidly discover the hissing, snake-necked demons they transform into when they’ve got their eye on your picnic. They are velociraptors in ballerina suits and they will mess you right up.
I particularly enjoy watching parents give their children bread to feed the swans, knowing that any moment now a traumatic event is going to occur that will be burned into that child’s brain forever. It’s such an honour to witness the really significant moments in a child’s life, you know?
The turkey was not being aggressive. Note the twinkle in it’s eye. It was attracted to her.
Does the reporter’s significant other get the same reaction from her when being amorous ?
My name is Inigo Tomtoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.
This kinda works without editing. Turkey Terminator
I was really hoping that once she got into the car and turned around, the turkey would be right there in the passenger seat!
This was funny, the bird was just checking her out….the bird was not afraid at all….I would have grabbed one of the garbage cans and used that to stay off the bird…now she was stuck in her car until the bird gave up…funny…
I love it when nature calls in the encroaching suburbs. I’ve been laughing at the rich yahoos in certain suburbs in my area having problems with deer and geese. Is this fool running backwards while shooting? lol
I LOVE turkeys….let’s swap recipes.
I’m sure if her executive producer has even a hint of a sense of humour she’ll be assigned to every animal related story for the next six months.
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