HOWTO "safely" cover your body with squirming, gorging raccoons


Vice profiles the efforts of one woman to "snuggle" with a bunch of feral raccoons, a feat she accomplished by donning a protective suit of material she judged thick enough to fend off rabid scratches and bites, then covering this suit with rotting food to attract a head-to-toe blanket of living, gorging raccoons.

2 As the old saying goes, the best way to get raccoons to swarm over your body is to think like a raccoon. And since eating is on their mind 80 percent of the time (the other 20 percent is divided between sex and taking dumps), there’s no better lure than food. The good news is that raccoons aren’t picky eaters; their diet is extremely diverse and includes nuts, seeds, fruit, eggs, insects, frogs, crayfish, and anything that happens to be lying—or crawling—around. Of course, city coons find decomposing human food to be mighty tasty, so open your fridge and look for nasty pizza, rotten fruits and veggies, and whatever else your lazy fucking roommate forgot to throw out three months ago. Put the grossness in a well-sealed bag and head down to wherever the raccoons hang out in your town.

Snuggling Up with a Bunch of Feral Raccoons Is Easy and Fun (via Kottke)