Romance and autistic spectrum

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16 Responses to “Romance and autistic spectrum”

  1. MadRat says:

    Knowing how touch could be unpleasant, I once asked an autistic, online friend about how she dealt with romance.  She said being caressed was fine and kissed on her abdomen was very pleasurable but sex was  emotionally overwhelming for her.   I hadn’t expected that.  I guess I still don’t understand autism.

  2. Loek Peters says:

    Neurotypical people are not capable to understand the “autistic” brain. Neurotypicals are not able to separate their emotions from what they observe. They just cant think in an organised and rational way. The neurotypical brain is an evolutionary dead end.

    • Justin J. Snelgrove says:

      Er, evolutionary advantages require being able to be passed on. Especially given that the story is about an autistic couple in a sexless romantic relationship, I don’t think it will ‘dead end’ the sort of brain type that’s been serving humans fine for hundreds of thousands of years. I don’t have anything against people being in sexless relationships, just it rather precludes passing on one’s genes to another generation — a prerequisite of evolution.

      That’s assuming you weren’t being sarcastic, and I just missed it.

  3. Kommkast says:

    Aspergers is great fun, cant wear jeans, being hugged hurts, clothes are near impossible to find because stores are slaves to hipster fashion which is now drainpipes it seems and no one carries normal pants. Cant go to most restaurants because you cant filter out the screaming and yelling and screeching kids (Which I hate with a massive passion anymore). Talking to most people is at best barely tolerable and at worst just as bad as restaurants. But that’s just me ranting ceaslessly, and I’ll shut the hell up. 

    • penguinchris says:

      I agree about restaurants or noisy places, can’t filter out loud kids and other stuff. I can tune it out, but that involves tuning out everything, including any people I may be with who try to talk to me (to be on-topic, this can be a problem in romantic relationships!)

      Not sure what you’re on about regarding jeans, though. I’m genuinely interested, as another person with Asperger’s-like symptoms. Do you have an aversion to denim, or is it just that they’re too tight?

      Regarding drainpipe fits… yes if you shop in H&M, Urban Outfitters, etc. you will not be able to find looser-fitting stuff. But even stores like The Gap have loose fits. It’s actually a lot harder to find closer-fitting pants (and other clothes) than to find loose stuff! For the record, I wear my clothes in as slim of a fit as I can manage and even though I’m kind of stocky and a bit overweight, this is very difficult to achieve with clothes that can be regularly found in the US!

      • Kommkast says:

        We’ve actually shopped everywhere, even at gap and JC Penny, everyone is swapping to hip hugger and tight pants for some retarded reason. I’ve ended up having to shop at Casual XL because they still have loose cargo pants. As for jeans its the fact that they are too tight, unmoving (to me at least) and the texture is irritating. As for noise in restaurants I usually take care of with a giant hammer measure, either earplugs (Really good ones from the GM plants.. UAW is good for one thing at least. (and no I dont work there, mum is a supplier for them.)) Or just by wearing headphones and listening to good music, Bach, Beethoven, Brahms, Infected Mushroom, easy to listen stuff.

      • digi_owl says:

        “I agree about restaurants or noisy places, can’t filter out loud kids and other stuff. I can tune it out, but that involves tuning out everything, including any people I may be with who try to talk to me (to be on-topic, this can be a problem in romantic relationships!)”

        Why i find family gatherings (i have a large set of near relatives) troublesome now that i am an adult, as i can’t just slip into some imaginary world or wander down the hallway the way i did as a kid. Then again i wonder if most of my oversensitivity ended up in hearing, as i can hear a old school CRT running from across the room, or even some electrical appliances just from the buzzing of the transformer.

  4. Sometimes neurotypical people don’t communicate this well about their preferences and needs. Sounds like this couple is off to a good start. 

    • Agreed. As someone who’s been in the same relationship for a decade now, it sounds like these two are having the sort of conversations and negotiations that could help make their relationship work for the long term. Good for them! 

  5. rprivetera says:

    I’m someone with Aspergers, and man, I wish I could find someone willing to deal with this. Romance is a pretty trying thing. I’ve tried going to some meetups to try and meet similar people, but most of those are for people way on the other side of the spectrum.
    Still… I guess it’s heartening to see people similar to me can find love.

    • penguinchris says:

      My relationships, including my current one, have always suffered because of this. My very caring and accommodating girlfriend (who is neurotypical, though I will say I don’t like that term) finds it nearly impossible to truly understand, and to deal with me sometimes. But it can definitely work. Keep your chin up :)

      Try online dating – OK Cupid is full of intelligent people and I met my girlfriend there. It’s non-threatening and allows you to ease into a relationship with someone, which is necessary and allows them to get used to your “quirks” as they’ll probably consider them.

  6. Snig says:

    Neurotypical’s preference in the backrub arena is also highly varied.  Large number of folks tell me the significant other pushes too hard, too soft or too fleetingly. 

    • allybeag says:

      Yeah, I don’t particularly like my back being rubbed, but my OtherHalf loves it when I rub his back. Fortunately we understand each other! (We’re not autistic.)

  7. karl_jones says:

    See Mozart and the Whale

    “A love story between two savants with Asperger’s syndrome, a kind of autism, whose conditions sabotage their budding relationship.”

    Good movie;  I liked it a lot.

  8. sarah michel says:

    It was a really interesting read, and sweet.  But, I thought the arguments that were described and the nitpicky so-called “aspie arguments” were things that neurotypical people also argue about. At least, my neurotypical husband and I also have these so-called “aspie arguments” frequently.

  9. Ladyfingers says:

    ‘Sperglord here. I tend to be a lot more flexible than these two (not if I had my way mind you…) but a lot of bells were rung reading that.  The sad thing is that I KNOW I’m difficult and over-logical about stuff, and work very hard to concede and consider, but it’s always the little things that get me. Although I carefully explain the need for a partner to take advantage of my very literal nature and tell me things, after the inevitable breakup it’s always “I always wished you’d” or “you just never”.

    III could follow instructions if you’d bother to give them, but YYYOOOUUU people never follow instructions about giving instructions.

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