Ambient Field Conditioner audiophile insanity

Lesslosssss If you'd like to spend $1,323 on a device that "enhances audio playback quality by modifying the interaction of your gear’s circuitry with the ambient electromagnetic field," have I got a deal for you. Above is the Blackbody Ambient Field Conditioner. Of course, to really notice a difference you'll most certainly need the same company's $1500 speaker cables and $700 RCA cable that "makes digital sound more analogue than ever." None of that will help though unless you start with the $1149 power cable featuring "double hand polished, twice gold plated high performance power plugs from Japan." But yeah, eventually you'll have to deal with that ambient electromagnetic field. May as well be now. Blackbody Ambient Field Conditioner (via @chris_carter_)


  1. I’ve never understood how anybody could buy an esoteric power cable. Even if you believe that a wire assembled by virgins could affect the sound of your stereo, how could you believe that the final 6 feet of cable could offset the miles of plain old copper that delivers the electricity to your home?

    1. Esoterics as a special sub-category of make-believe (which is the super-set of pretty much all religious doctrine) compels people to spend surprising amounts of money (and time) on completely useless things. Dianetics and orgon vortex magnetic water energizers come to mind.

      Magical audio equipment is merely another manifestation of the property that cults sometimes emerge by themselves from the ambient field of idiocy.

      1. (switching to non-crazy voice here)

        Whoa, whoa, whoa. Water purifiers do not belong on that list.
        I have lived in places where the water had visible particles, left a chalky coating in my mouth, and met water safety standards.

        I have also used them while camping.

        Water-purifiers have a valid use with empirically confirmable results.

          1. Hey, consider decaf, Herr Bosch. The ambiguity was yours, not theirs. There is no need to resort to impugning their intelligence over a reasonable misunderstanding, no matter how grumpy the holidays have made us all. :)

  2. I love the picture of the thing sitting next to a gigantic vacuum tube.  The huge mass of awards they made up is impressive too. 

  3. Bunch of broke-ass amateurs.

    My gold plated Faraday cage was just installed (they wanted to stiff me by charging 250Gs but you know I’m a shrewd negotiator and got that idiot salesguy down to only 180 large) and I’ve never heard an electromagnetic field so clean. You can totally tell the blues are bluer and the microwaves are wavier.

    Suck it bitchez.

  4. from the actual website and description of how it works:

    “I absorb everything but green. People say I’m green, but I’m actually everything but! 

  5. But won’t the Ambient Field Conditioner interfere with the warm resonance given off by my $500 wooden volume knob?

  6. Insanity? The company makes money (perhaps), the customer gets satisfied (perhaps). Who cares if the sound quality improves? (it doesn´t, but that´s not the point).

    1. Something doesn’t become less crazy just because more people believe it’s true or benefit from the arrangement.

      See also: “What’s the difference between a cult and a religion?”

      1. Look man if I wanna turn some of my fictional fiat currency into some kinda wacky fictional EM Field Cleanserizer that’s my business. I’ve got an orgone collector. Do YOU have an orgone collector? No. No you do not. I don’t care that you don’t want one. I do, and I’ve got one.

        1. Orgone collector? I have the entire collection already. It’s in this impenetrable carbon fiber box that can only be penetrated by my animal forces for rejuvenation.

          You probably didn’t notice how juvenated my animal forces are because you couldn’t afford depolarized glasses.

          I don’t even know why I talk to you when I can already read your thoughts. These pills are amazing.

          1. Carbon fiber? For an orgone collector? It’s nice if you’re into that sort of thing. I’m more of an original, pre-ban accumulator collector. And I have depolarized corneas, so I suspect your carbon fiber “collector” may be leaking a bit. As an like a sieve. You can’t get anywhere near the right dielectric constant with that crap.

            Also: yes. Yes they are.

      2. See also: “What’s the difference between a cult and a religion?”

        What is the difference? Or was that the point you were trying to make? I’ve often wondered how many people have to share one’s delusion before it ceases to be considered mental illness, and is instead considered a religion.

        1. I use Mormonism as my case study for this. In the last 100 years only minor tweaks have been made to Mormon beliefs. The most significant to wider society is that non-white men are allowed to enter the priesthood 

          The major change was  Mormonism reaching some sort of critical mass of defenders that influenced public opinion from “You’re one of those kooks?” to “I don’t know why you’d believe that crazy alien sky god stuff but I’ll mind my own business instead of bullying you as you do not appear to threaten my way of life enough to make arguing with you about your deeply held personal beliefs that are not in agreement with my deeply held beliefs worth my time”.

          So I’d say public consensus is the key factor which isn’t surprising as cult and religion are publicly applied labels with legal and social benefits/penalties. My mom probably still thinks the Mormons are a cult, I think all religions are cults, and most Mormons probably don’t care as long as they can worship freely.

          P.s. The discussion page for cult is better than the actual wikipedia page.

  7. I have a good friend that is susceptible to the placebo effect on all kinds of products such as Willard Water. When I mention double-blind studies and real science, he brushes it off as unnecessary. He gets results from the wordy descriptions of benefits. At least the customers are probably happy and can afford overpriced placebos such as this.

    1. I had never heard of Willard Water but enjoyed their pointing out the health benefits by saying that “Willard Water® has a very high alkaline pH value of 12.3” and this helps break down nutrients for you. Hah!

  8. The voices from the fillings in my teeth warned me about fluoridated water but when I pulled them all out that sonofabitch Roosevelt still stole my couch.

  9.  Clearly, these people are charlatans- I mean, my “CD collection”? Digital is for philistines.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go back to work on my cryostat. 3 degrees K background? I don’t think so…

  10. I quit my job at Radioshack when I was written up by the manager because somebody asked me for a cable to connect their $20 DVD player to their $30 TV and I sold them the $5 cable they needed without trying to sell them  a $70 Monster cable which I was supposed to tell them that it’s the only way they can get a good picture.

  11. Reminds me of the “Nuclear Power Filter” that were supposed to filter out any electrons that were “made” with nuclear power…

    1. You’re kidding, right?  There is actually such a sca….er, product?  Oh my heavens….the mind boggles.

    2. You’re kidding, right?  Someone actually got away with such a thing?  Oh my heavens….the mind boggles.

    3. They are no longer available. That’s because I sued them for ripping off *my* green-pass filter that allows through only electrons generated by solar and wind power. All those nasty oily and coaly and atomy electrons get shunted to the neighbour.

  12. That is one impressive  description of what spectral energy distribution is, with charts and graphs and all. And the reviews – none with fewer than five stars. I’m sold.

  13. So… um… ok… so… if I skimmed through the explanation right, the device is soaking up the surrounding EM waves by being really, really black?

    Well, I can definitely see that working! And I’m so going to steal that idea! Next Christmas everybody is going to want my BlackHoleBody. You just need to place your gear juuuuust right so that it is sitting exactly at the event horizon (don’t worry, instructions are included).

    1. My review of the BlackHoleBody:

      Pros: While the device is off it’s an amazing centerpiece and makes for great after-dinner conversation. It really is the blackest body in existence.

      Cons: The team of physicists that installed the system were extremely unprofessional, making multiple, tired jokes about how much the system “sucked”. Additionally, they appeared to be inebriated.

      When the system is turned on
      hey, where did the lights go? I can’t hear anyth

  14. I am unable to figure out how a surface that they claim is super-non-reflective can emit any kind of field, much less one that makes audio devices perform better. There’s got to be dozens of other ways to market a perfectly non-reflective surface that actually has a measurable function.
    I would guess if it really is that good at absorption, heat will be a serious issue. Don’t let a sunbeam hit it or you run the risk of igniting your million dollar sound system!
    (unless you buy the gold plated heat sink accessory)

  15. Our Brobdingnagian Gobbledygook ensures that your inner emptiness is converted to outwardly projected self-worth through the latest in wallet extraction technologies, reflecting black body radiation instead of the empty black hole of your soul.

    “Our greatest pretenses are built up not to hide the evil and the ugly in us, but our emptiness.  The hardest thing to hide is something that is not there.” — Eric Hoffer

    Some truly epic Praxic Age bulshytt on that company’s website.

  16. Please tell me this is just an elaborate hoax, making fun of audiophiles.

    Please, pretty please.

    They want you to buy:
    – “Firewall” for $4,686- a wooden box with sockets at both sides connected by special wires treated with proprietary goo, so the wires only conduct low frequency current
    – “DFPC Signature” cable for $1,159 that connects “Firewall” to the wall socket
    – another “DFPC Signature” cable for $1,159 that connects “Firewall” to the amplifier.
    – for optimal results you should purchase another above-described combo to connect your CD player
    – Only then you should purchase this wonderbox “Blackbody Field Conditioner” for $1,32. If you buy three units you save $597+!

    Do not get me started on their “Tunnelbridge PSU” – $2,600 that is supposed to be connected to the mains using at least one “DFPC Signature” cable.
    You connect the signal source – CD player and amplifier with “Tunnelbridge cables” – one stereo pair for only $1,800 and connect those “Tunnelbridge cables” to “Tunnelbridge PSU” using ordinary USB cables for $36 a pop.

    So this IS a hoax. Right? Right?!?

  17. Engadget: Audiophiles can’t tell the difference between Monster Cable and coathangers

    $21000 for 3m of audiophile speaker cable

    Monster Cable FAQ

    “Q: Why use gold-plated connectors?”
    “A: We use gold because it doesn’t corrode and looks excellent.”

    1. “Q: Why use gold-plated connectors?”
      “A: We use gold because it doesn’t corrode and looks excellent.”

      Well technically gold is used because it has a very low oxidation rate compared to the other base metals.  Copper, aluminum, steel, brass, bronze, silver, ect.. will all form an oxide layer in a few weeks to months.  Which depending on the metal might mean a fairly high increase in resistance compared to the voltage input…

      I mean it’s gold “plated”, not solid gold.  If it was I might could buy the price of Monster Cables.

  18. So it goes…

    This kind of stuff makes me laugh. If only they could see the process of how the audio gets created in the first place. Their head would asplode. Especially current masters.

  19. Pssst, audiophile dork!  Did you know that the Brooklyn Bridge is the most acoustically perfect place to listen to anything?  Wanna buy?  I’m selling it cheap cause I like your face.  Only $50 billion!

  20. I just ordered sixteen of them. I am going to open an Audio-Spa where we cater to the discerning caste who have risen beyond mere money for an unmatched experience.

    We are very selective in whom we will accept as our clientele. Only those who look down their nose will be considered.

    If you think you can meet our expectations by all means drop me a line. Yes, we’ll judge your email address too.

  21. My kitchen stove has four Blackbody Ambient Field Emitters built right in. It would be perfect for the discerning audiophile to enhance his listening experience. It also has a fifth blackbody emitter in what we like to call the “oven”. For the truly elite among you. I’m willing to let it go for the amazing price of 15,000. It’s a steal!

  22. I have an actual, real question: Do they actually manufacture things like these, or do they wait until someone, er, sufficiently monied orders one and have it custom fabbed?

    Because this is the kind of thing that if they weren’t selling for absurd amounts of money, nobody would buy and you’d find it for $1.50 at Big Lots.

  23. I like the instructions for connecting the speaker cables. Apparently if you plug the red into the black socket and the black into the red socket at both ends  then although it is “electricaly [sic] correct”, and “of no electrical consequence”: proper connection of the Achorwave (note: grossly overpriced speaker cable) is paramount to achieving high performance results. I guess that the different phases require subtly different cabling techniques that don’t affect whether it is electrically correct, but do effect the sound quality!

  24. You know, when I read these things, I’m saddened because it undermines the credibility of the pursuit of genuinely good audio reproduction, which isn’t really such an expensive hobby, and it’s literally amazing how good it gets for a marginal increase in price over the generic stuff.

  25. Relevant is this announcement of laser research findings from the University of Rochester (where I went as an undergrad), creating truly pitch black metal:

    This technology isn’t available commercially yet (as far as I know), although it is a relatively simple process. The interesting thing is that at this point, to make a square piece of pitch-black metal it easily would cost you over $1,000 once you consider the purchase price of the laser (commercial high-power lasers can cost millions of dollars) and the energy required to run it!

    I’m sure that this particular “device” is some relatively cheap anodized metal or something. I bet it would annoy their customers (assuming their customers actually exist) to know that an even blacker metal is possible.

  26. “Noise is there… for those who want less of it.”

    I can’t decide which this reminds me of more; Karl Rove’s “Perception is reality” or Field of Dreams “If you build it they will come”.

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