7 Habits of Highly Effective Marketting

1. The Customer Is Usually Wrong. Ensure they understand this by sending them illiterate, angry emails. That bitch got told.

2. It's Not A Lie If You Believe It. Mayor of Boston come on Bud you run a show that’s all you do.

3. Devote your hypothetical 125-strong PR team to a smear campaign of the gatekeeper who runs a key conference where you sell your clients' products.

4. When pretending to be your own former business associates, reply from your personal email address; bonus points for using this address on anabolic steroid advice forums.

5. If You're Wrong, Be Boldly Wrong. Bloggers never pay attention to carbon copied customer service complaints!

6. Name drop people who already loathe you, in a medium with a permanent record.

7. When cornered, claim that it's everyone else who is being unprofessional.

BONUS: 3 rules for Twitter stratagy.

1. If your name is not available on Twitter, change a random consonant or vowel until it becomes available. No-one will notice the difference.

2. Buy 20,000 followers, but only use the account to harangue abused customers.

3. Instead of changing your account handle when the heat is on, abandon it completely so that someone else might take it.


      1. my apartment neighbors are likely wondering why i will not stop laughing and giggling; if they inquire, i’m naming you as responsible, mr. valentine!

  1. “I don’t know the mayor of Boston,” he admitted. “That was taken totally out of context, I was just joking around. I am from Boston, though, and I know a lot of people people who own clubs. I know some influential people, like the guy who runs the door at the convention center.

    Mmph. Would that be the bouncer, or the ticket-taker?

  2. This guy is unbelievable…

    “I don’t know the mayor of Boston,” he admitted. “That was taken totally out of context, I was just joking around. I am from Boston, though, and I know a lot of people people who own clubs. I know some influential people, like the guy who runs the door at the convention center.

    He should start a joint-venture with Aaron Barr.

  3. There’s some sadness to this though in that the controller (which this guy didn’t create) has (had) applications for people with disabilities who have a harder time using a standard controller.  

    1. Maybe. There is serious questions on if they can deliver a product. Their last marketing firm quit the job because the manufacturer couldn’t meet a deadline. And lets not forget they have had customer’s money for a long time now, still no product. There are numerous complaints from people regarding ordering this controller.

    2. I don’t know the backstory here, but I have noticed that accessibility issues get ignored all the time and everywhere. Computer interfaces get redesigned with fancier graphics and more animations while basic features like scrollbars get broken. Sidewalks get torn up, and someone puts “sidewalk closed, use other side” on one side of a six-lane or eight-lane highway with no crossings. And so on…

      1. You got me…I’ve been posting on Boing Boing for months- but it was all to give me cover as real BB user in anticipation of my future email battle (yes I can see the future) being mentioned here on Boing Boing. Can’t fool you Joe…

        Seriously, guy has been thrown to the ground and stomped on…does everyone neeed to now drive a tank over him and crush him completely for a something douchey like this? Nobody here inward-looking and self-aware enough to realize you’re acting out on feelings of impotence in your own lives?

        1. Perhaps if the next internet douchebag sees this and decides not to be, then this will serve it’s purpose. I don’t feel any particular sympathy for Christoforo; he’s identified himself clearly as an asshole who should not be working in public relations anywhere. Hopefully, he can find a new career where his dickishness doesn’t have the opportunity to manifest like this.

          1. “Perhaps if the next internet douchebag sees this and decides not to be, then this will serve it’s purpose.”

            Like the ones targeting his wife and kid?

        2. Yes, by all means, heaven forfend that someone get a little catharsis at the expense of someone who has not only demonstrated that he’s a bully, not just once but twice, but also has bragged (again, more than once) that it’s all to his ultimate advantage. Good grief, I must be humanity’s greatest monster due to my insatiable appetite for schadenfreude.

        3. relax, “Paul.”

          Seriously, guy has been thrown to the ground and stomped on…does everyone neeed to now drive a tank over him and crush him

          And then we drop the atomic bombs.

        4. He’s a bully who only values power. I mean, just look at how he talks about Mike, “You never know who knows who, and lesson learned.” 

          To him, people aren’t individuals who deserve respect and humane treatment in their own right.  It’s all about who has power and who doesn’t, and everyone else is treated like an obstacle to be overcome. If that’s all he understands, then public humiliation at the hands of someone more powerful than him is all that will make him think twice about treating people like dirt in the future.

  4. I’m actually feeling a little sorry for this guy.  He’s a collossal douchebag, to be sure,  but when he lit this fuse, I don’t think he knew how big the pile of TNT was at the other end!

    1. Directly from OceanMarketing’s website:

      “A prospective client Google’s your company’s name. What does he find? He finds negative publicity about you. Will he associate with you? Chances are that he would skip your name in the searches and hire your competitor.”

    2. I think the main lesson to be learned is to know what Penny Arcade is, who the guys that run it are, and understand that neither has reservations about stirring up shit. 

      Should be part of the introductory packet any time someone gets a job involving video games.

    3. Karma explains it all.
      This was not the first time he had behaved this way to customers, this is how he opted to live his life.  I’m sure his powertrip worked well for a while, and then fate put something into his path…

      Had he actually been a marketing or PR person he would have known that behaving in this fashion reflects poorly on his client, and they pay you, so if you screw the client your screwing yourself.

      Another lesson learned is … when your first marketing team quits over 1 guy who talks big… that it might be a warning.  So what if he has a guy at Best Buy and a guy at Game Stop, they could just be clerks that waited on him… you need to make sure they can deliver what they promise.

      Your unable to fill your web orders, how would your supply chain ever handle filling multiple retail outlets with product?  Do you think Best Buy is going to accept you not getting the product there on the promised date and let you still have space in 3 or 5 months when you finally get it?

      I feel bad for the company having to undo the damage this idiot did to them, but I have no sympathy for someone who name drops and bullies people with threats to get things they feel they are owed.

    4. To ALSO be fair, he threatened to give anyone who complained CC #s to internet scammers. He doesn’t deserve our sympathy

  5. Haaaaaaaaaa!  Love the book cover.  I sent a message to the client in question of Ocean Marketing, and included some choice excerpts from Marketing 101.  I work in marketing on the executive level, and have for 18 years, so if OM ever comes up during my efforts, I will make the appropriate recommendation.

  6. I have noticed after reading at least two email exchanges between Paul and customers that he seems to have a habit of being all bolshy and full of himself at first, then later after actually taking the time to read what the customer has said to be friendly and apologetic, I have known people like this in my life, always exploding, then apologising later, they never stop, eventually you just have to not spend time with them, because you know they will just do it again and again and it’s abusive even if they seemingly have no control over it.

    I think the guy is an overconfident belligerent waste of time, but I also feel a great deal of pity for him because he probably doesn’t realise that a great deal of the people he knows probably don’t like him very much but are too afraid to say anything about it.

    It’s a bit sad really, you can see it in the way he, after abusing some guy, finds out they both like motorbikes and wonders if they might meet up at some motorbike event or other,  it almost seems like some form of aspergers  syndrome.

    I mean I could be wrong maybe he’s just an arsehole, but it seems slightly more complex than that.

    1. But all people have to judge someone on is their actions. If if he acts like a total dickhead, then…

      Perhaps there are hidden unplumbed depths here. Maybe this was a wake-up call to become a better person and to think before acting.

      I doubt it.

    2. Yes, he is a very complex asshole with no respect for his customers. Don’t be sad, he should do just fine in America.

    3. He’s just an arsehole. He’s typical of a bully who tries to intimidate everyone who disagrees with him, then tries to throw himself into reverse gear the instant he realizes that he’s actually crossed one of the Very Important People that he’s pretended to be tight with.

    4. Yeah, whatever the reasons, he’s a dick. He’s a grown up (38!) and therefore responsible for fixing his shit, just like the rest of us. Ultimately he’s way too old to write off this kind of behavior with any sort of note from his doctor. Even Aspergers Syndrome doesn’t give you blanket license to be an asshat.

      1. That doesn’t exclude the possibility that he’s a cocaine user. And he may also have a pre-disposition for psychopathic behavior. I mean you don’t see a guy making an utter fool of himself like this on the net every day. (?)

        Ok now I’m just reminded of Charlie Sheen.

  7. I think its fascinating that even after the s**t has hit the fan, the lesson he seems to have learned is that he needs to be sure that the customer isn’t an important person before he’s an a**hole to them … because you don’t want to be an a**hole to someone important (but it’s no big deal to be an a**hole to someone with no power or influence (even if they’re a customer)).

    “I’ll definitely stay away from customer service emails,” he said. “I could have nipped this all in the bud by being a little nicer. You never know who knows who, and lesson learned. We all have bad days and they caught me on one.”

    1.  Which is why this piling-on is happening. Everyone knows someone like this (or at least have had to deal with such people at various points) and now there’s an opportunity to get back at one of them.

      More importantly, perhaps some of the other people like this will get the hint and try to change their ways. Not likely, though, considering how these people tend to be.

      1. Everyone knows someone like this (or at least have had to deal with such people at various points) and now there’s an opportunity to get back at one of them.

        He (especially if you’ve heard him talk on one of his videos) reminds me of half the people that I went to high school with in Massachusetts in the 70s. That alone impels me toward the lift-off/nuke/orbit/sure option.

        1. Dealing with these types of people in person is even worse (or on the freeway).  Entitled, short fuse, ready to escalate any small disagreement into a fistfight.

        2. Totally agree, and was still true in the 90s.  As soon as I saw him brag that he’s from “Little Italy” in Boston, I was like, “Now it all makes sense.”  I went to highschool in Boston with 50 versions of this guy.  They all boasted about getting into the hottest clubs, being “connected”, and being able to bench 500 lbs.  In reality they were arrogant bullies with gambling and/or ‘roid problems.  I hate to stereotype, but it was almost universal.  (See also Jersey Shore).

  8. It’s easy to think the controller company is a victim here.  The natural reaction is to want to support them:  they are a small company selling a product that could be used to help disabled kids play games.

    Consider this:
    1)  This all started because they sold controllers at full price promising delivery on a given date, but then then didn’t ship for months and didn’t provide clear communication why.
    2)  Customers asking for an explanation were called names, made fun of, and told they were worthless.
    3)  In some cases they were told their purchase was being turned into a full-price preorder for an upcoming product, which was also then delayed.
    4)  All of this didn’t occur when they contacted a third-party marketing company:  this happened when they contacted the manufacturer directly for help.
    5)  Despite what Paul says, this wasn’t “a bad day.”  This went on since at least February 2011.  It wasn’t isolated or a secret:  customers were discussing it in forums since mid-year.

    Now, remember that a large percentage of the customers are supposed to be disabled kids.  Disabled kids who apparently would be treated like crap if they had the gall to ask for what they had paid for, by what appears to be the only person doing customer service for the controller company.

    Picture the controller-less disabled kid having to ask asshat Paul why they can’t play their games or get their allowance money back.  How bad do you feel for the manufacturer now?

    1. Because Paul and Ocean Marketting are NOT the manufacturer.  The controllers were invented by a teacher who wanted to help one of his students.  The big buzz grew, though, because his device allowed regularly-abled people to own on other games.  I expect only a very very small percentage of the customers were disabled kids.

      I do feel bad for the inventor – he’s just some guy, and the people he chose to bring his product to market and then provide advertising and customer support have not done right for a product that a) works and b) came from the desire to help people.  He’s just like you and me and had no way to know how to choose the right people to bring his product to market.

  9. I guess when everyone tended to live in villages and small towns, public censure was a big deal; then as we became urbanized it became less important except for newspapers and saying “Get a haircut, hippie” to a guy on the street; then with the internet it took off again. Now about half the net is flaming people… Ironically, a lot of the customer service email chains you see on e.g. Consumerist seem to involve people that have spent a lot of time flaming each other in forums, judging by their quick triggers and over-the-top insults. Live by the flame, die by the flame.

  10. For the connaisseur:

    Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it’s on the far side of the airlock.

  11. this story is now making me want to spark up a fatty and put on some fine Sly and his Family.
    that is all

  12. Hey, guys, I’m sorry to interrupt this conversation, but I’m in a terrible jam, and I don’t know where else to turn.

    I don’t even know how to begin explaining my problems — but they are financial, social, political, and as of today legal. 

    I hate to sound hysterical, but my life is on the line.  Everything I’ve worked for — my home, my career, my family, all is in jeopardy.  Divorce, bankruptcy, jail — it’s all staring me in the face.  If I don’t get help I won’t survive it.

    I want to fight it, but I can’t fight alone.  I need help and support.  I need someone who can go to bat for me against the authorities and against everyone who is coming after me.  I need some serious mojo here, people.

    So.  Does anyone know the doorman at the Boston Convention Center?

  13. Come on geeks! We just found a guy to take all of our resentment over being bullied in high school on! And since he’s unsympathetic, we’re in no way worse than he is!

    This is a late Christmas gift!

    Fuck, I hope the internet does get SOPAed out of existence. It’s obvious we’re not evolved enough for it.

    1. Oh my god, is that THE William George, the internet’s greatest amateur psychologist? Your incisive diagnosis of why everyone here is a stupid idiot came just in the knick of time, this fine young man was in serious danger of becoming an internet joke for a few days, which as we all know is the worst possible thing that can happen to anyone in these modern times! Just look at the sad fate of poor Jessica Black (shudder)

    2. Speak for yourself, George. I’m polite and respectful not only to my customers, but also to people that I’m not going to get anything of material value from, and even people that may be less than polite to me. Compared to that guy, I’m motherfucking Gandhi and MLK rolled into one.

    3. Funny how whenever someone has a strong reaction there’s always someone to point the finger at him for reacting, rather than look at what caused the reaction in the first place. Sometimes it goes to the point of defending the abuser to shame the abused for daring to react to obvious escalation and refusal to provide arranged goods or services.

      If a vendor abuses his customers in this manner, AND the customer gets very irate, AND you see this as a personality flaw in the customer alone, frankly, you are probably an abuser.

  14. Contain damage by putting it on minority people in the neighborhood .
    Financial shortages are all linked to “too much fed regulation.”
    All sexual harassment charges stem from “female problems.”
    Executives misappropriate money to save it at home from corporate raiders stealing it all.
    Lack of any minority employees is caused by schools teaching wrong subjects.
    No women on BoD ~ is a very physically demanding, technical field of study~ women “just aren’t hard wired for it.
    Poor pay to workers

  15. I love this supposed social media “expert” acting surprised this went viral. Isn’t that an admission he has no clue about how social media work?

  16. Did anyone screenshot him threatening to sell CCs to ‘nigerians’ because people were complaining to him? I can’t seem to find that twitter post anymore

  17. 1. If your name is not available on Twitter, change a random consonant or vowel until it becomes available. No-one will notice the differenceHa!
    from @pdeb (irony – this name came up 3 times for me to ‘sign as’ ….

  18. Mike Krahulik’s follow-up nailed it– Christoforo wasn’t sorry, just sorry he got caught. Nothing but a serial bully who eventually picked on the proverbial black belt, and got his comeuppance. I don’t feel sympathy in the slightest, even for his wife and their baby being subject to vague internet-based threats as a result of Christoforo’s dox being published. Caught-out bullies are fantastic at playing the victim! They’ve had first-hand experience creating victims.


    1. Well said. I exposed talk radio bullies and bigots to their advertisers. They had my blog shut down. When I took it to the Internet and more advertisers were lost they became “the real victims”

      I agree with every thing you say with one exception, their really is no reason to attack the wife and kid. However how much you want to bet he is lying about that? They right wing radio hosts often lie and exaggerate about the threats. If they are real I say take them to the authorities, you often find out they are not specific real threats.

      1. I will never forget when Focus on the Family published Michael Moores home address and the fact that his famly was home and would love to hear from people, in an online newsletter to >100K people, while Mr Moore was on a publicity tour.

        Yeah, it’s out of line for a bunch of hormonal nerds to make crank calls or threats of any sort, but COME ON, James Dobson did it and HE still gets to hang out with presidential candidates.

    2. Amen. Lots of people are unemployed right now, it’s kind of hard to feel sympathy for someone who clearly doesn’t want to keep his job. Thanks for linking the follow-up.

      When these assholes threaten me or Penny Arcade I just laugh. I will personally burn everything I’ve made to the fucking ground if I think I can catch them in the flames.

      I like this Gabe fellow.

  19. O M F F S M…

    “In the nearer term, Christoforo has entertained the idea of doing some Internet videos himself, and even considered going to PAX East, held in Boston this April, with a shirt tauntingly saying ‘I’m Paul Christoforo’ on it. “I’m not sure I’d actually do that, since I don’t want to get in any fights,” he clarified.”


    Yep he has totally learned for this, after all of the it was just a bad day, it’ll blow over, its not as horrible as everyone says, he is still trying to find a way to rub it in everyones face.

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