My lobster, let me show you it

There's a caption for this, but I'm drawing a blank. I'm depending on Boing Boing's hive mind to supply one. (Via X-Ray Delta One)

Mark Frauenfelder is the founder of Boing Boing and the editor-in-chief of MAKE and Cool Tools. Twitter: @frauenfelder. Come and hear Mark speak at the ALA conference in Chicago on July 1.

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The Snowden Principle

phlavor

Oh look Ethel, it’s a boy lobster.
- EH
  
  “Scraps is a boy dog, isn’t he?”
- http://twitter.com/Selkiechick Selkiechick
  
  Oh mother… which one’s his willy?
- chaopoiesis
  
  “His name is Wallace!”
algomeysa2 algomeysa2

“This is what we call New England nipple clamps, ayuh!”
- irksome
  
  For future reference, “Ayah” is Maine-ese whereas “Ayuh” is strictly New Hampshire-ite.
  - algomeysa2 algomeysa2
    
    I’m going to have to go with Stephen King here.
suburbanhick

At least they got the colour of the lobstah right. They ain’t red ’til they’re cooked, folks!
- Lobster
  
  There actually are some lobsters that are red while alive! However they have a mutation that prevents them from producing the blue pigment that gives them their normal brown color. There are also lobsters that ONLY have that blue pigment, and some lobsters that have different pigmentation on either side, divided perfectly down the middle!
  
  The More You Know!
  - suburbanhick
    
    I’ve seen blue ones and even one of the bi-coloured ones. Never knew there were red mutants, though – I wonder if they’re happy….
    
    You (hopefully) learn something every day – thx!
  - http://twitter.com/MartianEmpress Rezeya Montecore
    
    Thanks, lobster! Sorry we eat you guys! ^___^
    
    . o O (Yeah. Sorry you people are so TASTY, motherf*cker… >:) )
http://twitter.com/beemoh beemoh

“This isn’t what it means when someone says that they ‘have crabs’, Joanne.”
http://twitter.com/rvitelli Romeo Vitelli

Everyone feels shellfish occasionally.
http://libraries.unl.edu dross1260

You’ll feel like a crustacean after touring all day in a Greyhound Bus!
- suburbanhick
  
  Yeah, you’ll wish you had a shell on your ass!
ComradeQuestions

“Forget the gold standard: Ron Paul wants to go back to a colonial era Lobsterback economy.”
- Jake Boone
  
  **tweet!** Five yard penalty for violating the “no bringing political candidates into unrelated BoingBoing posts for the duration of the campaign season” rule!
  - http://twitter.com/MartianEmpress Rezeya Montecore
    
    I didn’t know that was a rule, but I like it.
    - Antinous / Moderator
      
      http://boingboing.net/2012/01/16/2012-election-year-comment-gui.html
irksome

“Bahk! Bahk ya demahn spahn!”
- Chuck
  
  “Git outta heer, ye city-dwellin’ harlots! I’ll put th’ LOBSTER CARSE on ye if ye don’t. Never show yer painted whooor faces amongst decent peoples again!”
Guest

He’ll show you his lobster if you show him your clam, and you’ll both end up with crabs.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Eatme-Completely/100003303282508 Eatme Completely

Oooh, look! He’s got a big one!
gracchus

“Now it’s yer turn, gals — show me *yer* snappers.”

(sorry, but you asked for a caption)
chellberty

How did this make it past the censors?
- suburbanhick
  
  Really! Won’t someone think of the children?!
- irksome
  
  Tweet this ya damn flatlandahs!
Mark_Frauenfelder

I’m laughing already! I’ll post the top five most liked captions at the end of the day.
julianasbananas

I wish mine was as big as this one’s.
Lobster

This is unabashed MINSTRELSY!
Daen de Leon

CLIVE: Er, I’ll tell you the worst job I ever had.
DEREK: What was that?
CLIVE: The worst job I ever had was with Jayne Mansfield. You know, she was a fantastic bird, you know …..
DEREK: Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE: ….. big tits, huge bum, and everything like that, but I had the terrible job of retrieving lobsters from her bum.
DEREK: Really? Bloody hell, that must have been a task.
CLIVE: Well, it was quite a task ’cause she had a big bum …..
DEREK: Well, I remember.
CLIVE: ….. and they were big lobsters.

http://www.phespirit.info/derekandclive/live_01.htm
http://lemoutan.blogspot.com/ Lemoutan

You can have one of these if you can help me git this durn subcontinent offa ma foot
Terranex

Check THESE out, I just pull them out of my crotch!
http://halfbakedmaker.org Robert Baruch

Ever since Innsmouth became a regular Greyhound stop, fresh mates now came to the fishy townsfolk who measured them up for both genetic diversity and “sexual compatibility”.

(image has a very VERY short Lovecraftian story)

http://i.imgur.com/PQ4NX.jpg
http://twitter.com/BonzoDog1 BonzoDog1

Chix!
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1040525695 Matt Greenberger

“It’s fun to stay at the Y!…”
Zadaz

Ethel, take a picture! This starts out just like that Penthouse forum letter your husband is always making me read.
TimmoWarner

That’s it… take a picture.

I won’t eat ‘em if they still have a soul!
Daniel Shown

Lobsters or GTFO! Pics or didn’t happen!
http://twitter.com/writebastard Ian Wood

“Back! Back, foul temptresses! By Poseidon’s trident, you’ll not have my virtue!”
Ito Kagehisa

“New York sends a monster to darken our seas”
B Wright

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagPh’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtag
Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtag
Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtag
a68tbird

Aye, I once loved me a girl like you…then I lobster.
Angus Stocking

“They’re my friends. I make them.”
Editz

Back in the old days, the roads were all paved with white asphalt.
WebSorcerer

Lote of Only By Highway images here:

http://goo.gl/h2PrI
http://twitter.com/emilyWools emily

in british accent:

“Q. why did the lobster blush?

A. because the sea weed.”
- http://halfbakedmaker.org Robert Baruch
  
  http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2010/4/14/129157477066831452.gif
http://www.raines.com/ raines

Join our campaign to eliminate universal railroad and trolley service through price manipulation and strategic acquisitions.
Diogenes

“…and they were clingin’ to the corpse when we hauled it outta the bay. Market’s high though, so we set it again.”

(credit to some comedian I can’t remember)
- http://twitter.com/Selkiechick Selkiechick
  
  I’ve heard that as a punchline to a lengthy mother-in-law joke by Tim Sample… who probably stole it from Marshall Dodge.
  - Diogenes
    
    I think you’re right. Wonder who Dodge stole it from. I’ll bet it’s as old as lobster pots.
    - http://twitter.com/Selkiechick Selkiechick
      
      If not older…
edison234

I used to be a traveler like you.. then I took lobsters to my hands.
http://www.doggo.org doggo

Just look at this awesome lobster! Just look at it!
jarmstrong

“Christ, what an asshole!”
http://twitter.com/_tillwe_ Till Westermayer

“Sweeties, I have one for each of you. Don’t you want them? Nifty things, and very useful jewelry!”
jarmstrong

Burt Dow, Deep-Water Man and Sociopath
jparkuntz

“They looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears.”
- http://twitter.com/MartianEmpress Rezeya Montecore
  
  Dave Barry FTW, IIRC?
  - jparkuntz
    
    Jean Shepherd
http://www.gyrofrog.com/ Gyrofrog

Smell m’lobster! Got a gonad the size’n acorn. M’lobster, that is.
http://twitter.com/ducchau99 duc chau

Oh yeah. Like those chicks didn’t say, “Hey, nice lobster, Daddy-O! Why don’t you wave it around for us. Cool. Cool. *click* Gotta split like peas, pappadapolis. BYEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Sheesh.
http://twitter.com/MartianEmpress Rezeya Montecore

“Patience, ladies. Gotta wait for the flash on my lobster to charge.”
Cigarsam

“So ladies do we save Larry the Lobster, or eat Larry the Lobster?”
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1696651026 Steve Rogne

Here she is, the beast that done shorn off the left side o’ me face, leaving me with the very noteworthy and compelling deformity so plainly visible to both of you. (ayuh.)
jennchlebus

dada chum, dada chick….
urbanspaceman

Must’ve been rather hard to drive this bus… https://secure.flickr.com/photos/greyhound_bus/3272623360/in/faves-bredlo/ (opens to Flickr)

“It’s fun to stay at the Y!…”

Don’t you mean “Dine at the Y”? (rim shot)
coffee100

“Nancy Drew photographs murder weapon before disarming elderly fugitive at knife point in harrowing bus hostage standoff. See story page A2″
show me

Sorry, not a caption, but don’t you think it’s odd that they’re showing a picture of a presumably Maine lobsterman (at least, a lot of lobstermen are in Maine) and if you look closely at the map in the full size picture none of the but routes even go to Maine. Just sayin’.
- Antinous / Moderator
  
  Clearly, you are not aware of the Maine state motto: You can’t get there from here.
http://whimsicalacious.tumblr.com/ Patrick McGorrill

“Look Susan, that man is selling bugs! Poor people will do just about anything, won’t they?”
http://www.legrandbazart.com sigismund

Now I understand Lovecraft’s feelings about New England.
RedShirt77

“Oh… Made in China? Our economy really is fucked, isn’t it?”
RedShirt77

“Quick Susie, take a picture. I have never seen the face of Jesus in a lobster crotch before.”
RedShirt77

“Drinks, dinner, decisions. Arrive a guest. Leave a legend.”
Allan Bengert

“I’ll show’ee me lobster, if ya show me yer clam!”
RedShirt77

On that last one, the Male gaze coming off that lobster offends my feminist sensibilities.
jimh

Buster: And my —– is shaped like a ——- —-, but without the shell.
snagglepuss

“Attention, passengers – Only ONE LIVE LOBSTER PER PASSENGER ALLOWED ON THE BUS. Thank you for your co-operation. Next Stop: The Kill Chute of the Chicago Stockyards.”
snagglepuss

“JESUS H. CHRIST, Burt – Get these bitches AWAY from me!”
http://twitter.com/tobymgraves Toby Graves

His radiation shielding lobster unfortunately lacked the correct size to block the zay-rays emanating from their consumer lightcannon.
Paul Iacono

“It’s a BOY lobster! See?!?!!!”
Paul Iacono

ACK! Phlaver beat me to it! :-)
vonbobo

Caption: Wait till you see the size of his Dinghy!

Tagline: Only GREYHOUND will give you crabs
Bookburn

And you thought oysters had big pearls.
Antinous / Moderator

Rostrum? Damn near killed him!
H4rlequin

Better than giving them crabs.
setdog

“Oh, Mummy! Isn’t it a miracle that our Greyhound 1948 GMC Silverside driver apparently lost his mind and left the main 4-lane highway to take a small side road, stopping, inexplicably next to a tiny clam shack instead of the more normal Howard Johnston rest stop? And so now we can watch this picturesque old rummy try to sell us a lobster, for which, being bus passengers, we have no earthly possible use, and whose provenance we can only guess at given that there are no lobster boats in the bay?”

“And where, pray tell, can we, dare I ask it, powder our noses in this godforsaken sinkhole? Do these yokels even know what indoor plumbing is?”

“Oh, Mummy, why did you ever let Dad take the DC-3??
claritygunther

Pay no attention to the man in the yellow hat! I am the great and powerful Oz!
suburbanhick

“Doctor Zoidberg? Is that you?”
Vengefultacos

Edgar inwardly sighed as he waved one of his lobsters at the milling tourists. It was about the tenth time today that quaint-seeking city folks in their colorful dresses and Bermuda shorts had tromped off a bus to wander around the village. Snapping photos that they’d inflict on family and friends in interminable slide shows or photo albums, proving that they’d been to some seaside village on the coast of Maine. As if anyone would have doubted them.

It was hot as hell, but they made him wear the damn waders anyhow, even though he never got close to the ocean anymore… not since the accident. He made a pittance acting the role of flinty yankee lobsterman. But tourists expect to see fishermen on the waterfront, even though they wouldn’t be caught dead going anywhere near ramshackle working fish piers which stank of rotting fish guts and diesel fumes. And he needed a job where he could just sit all day, and a lifetime of working boats did little to prepare him for a desk job.Just a few more hours before he could peel off the sweat soaked waders and limp his way home after collecting his pittance from the chamber of commerce. It’d be enough for a cheap pint of crap at the local bar, and to pay off some of his rent. He’d also need to get some fresh sea water on the two real lobsters he waved at the tourists. The tourist center wouldn’t supply those to him, so he had to get them himself. They’d become like pets after a while. He’d named them Ethel and Dobbie, after a pair of singers from long ago. He was worried about Dobbie… she sometimes foamed at the mouth like a mad dog. They weren’t meant to live their lives in a bucket… thrown some fish scraps now and again along with the occasional splash of life-giving water. He wasn’t meant to live like this either, but here he was.”Maybe today,” he thought, “maybe today I’ll set Ethel and Dobbie free. At least someone should have a chance at life again.” He’d have to give up on the beer, though, and buy new lobsters in the morning.

He sighed. Another bus was pulling up. He idly wondered if it were air-conditioned. The women approach, out came the camera. He stifled a sigh as he fished Dobbie out of the bucket and prepared to give his little show. He hated playing up the accent he’d spent his childhood trying to eliminate, back when he hoped to get out of here… but he had to earn a living somehow. “This heah’s a lobstuh!” he barked out, dying a little inside as he did.
Marktech

The out-of-town tryouts of Daniel’s one-man adaptation of “Edward Scissorhands” just weren’t creating the critical buzz he had hoped for.
CognitiveDissident

I never could eat those sea-insects, they remind me of scorpions!
- suburbanhick
  
  I never eat those sea insects because THEY eat dead, rotting stuff and all the other detritus on the ocean floor. I call them “rats of the sea”.
sockdoll

“The power of Christacean compels you!”
pjcamp

Heh heh. It’s a microbus. They’re following the Dead.
pjcamp

We were at the beach

Everybody had matching towels

Somebody went under a dock

And there they saw a rock

It wasn’t a rock

It was a rock lobster
http://www.facebook.com/people/Delton-Slusher/100001664532262 Delton Slusher

“Out of town strumpets immortalize local coot’s lobster crotch.”
chellberty

“The power of crustacean compels you”
ukegap

“Excuse me, sir, but would you kindly tell us what that green stuff is inside that lobster?”

“Tomalley”

“I’m sorry, we can’t wait that long. We’ve got to get back on the bus.”
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6UJRZI44ZUZORL4L56SDPMZD7I Bazinga!

“You’d think an old seaman like me would give you crabs, but I’ll give you lobsters!”
phil koltko

Y’know Ethel, I think that in sixty years – no, make that fifty – someone will invent a technology that will let us share stupid photos like the one you’re taking with everyone in the world. Won’t that be swell?
phil koltko

Even after being on the TSA watch list for years, Larry the Lobster (who was implicated in the smuggling of 3.5 oz of melted butter aboard a domestic flight) evaded capture until a chance encounter with a camera-happy tourist…
welos2

Instagram THIS!