By Cory Doctorow at 10:00 am Tue, Feb 21, 2012
The rather unfortunate product name ("Borden's Hemo") along with the odd, stilted smile of the young man as he approaches the beverage suggests a vampiric note that probably wasn't intended.
“I never drink… wine.”
I always wondered what Lizzie Borden did in later life.
Hemo the Magnificent approves this message.
They knew what they were doing. The demented looking boy hunched over the glass and the girl nervously hiding behind the chair. All they needed was an offer for a free cape.
Like all food ads from this period people seem to be afflicted with temporary psychosis when faced with some tasty treat.
And little girls all seem to have been using anti-grav hair tonic.
Is it just me or is that glass huge?
Hemophilia is never pretty, is it?
In Borden’s defense, they’d already changed the brand once when the previous name, Borden’s Homo (“All the vitamins and minerals required by members of your genus!”) didn’t focus-group well.
Point of fact, Borden actually DID market their homogenized milk under the brand of Homo. Their 2% milk was branded Homo-2.
I just ate so much Easter candy (got to get it now when it is fresh) that it feels like there’s sparkles in my legs and feet. I wonder if Hemo cures sparkles.
Huh…at first I wondered if the “Hemo” name had been cooked up to compete against Geritol (“Help for your iron-poor blood,” or something like that), but Hemo was first by about a decade. Perhaps it’s simply that ::gasp:: science-y lingo sold in 1940?
Here’s an interesting Borden ad showing some Borden bovine family interaction, in this 1944 Life magazine archive (along with many other snarkalicious WWII ads).
Based on the main image, it seems one has to drink a gallon and a half of HEMO to get the full nutritional value.
I assume this drink contains iron (thus the “Hemo” name). Something most supplements avoid today.
I’m not crazy about having my food described as having a “form” such as in the ad. It is as if you are getting a block of soylent green.
Funny. My Grandfather used to refer to Nestle’s Strawberry Quick (a shared favorite) as Rabbit Blood.
At first I thought it said “Homo”. “…Homo in two delicious forms!”
It only came in two forms back then. Chocolaty liquid homo, or milky homo powder. Mmmm Mmmm! When some people have a homo, they prefer chocolate (and rich), but really, both are luscious.
Of course, we have more options when craving a big ol’ homo these days.
I liked the idea of a genetically engineered spokescow, until I pictured her milking herself into a vat of Hemo.
Bessie the heifer
The queen of all the cows
She gave more milk
Than any law allows
In the mornin’ she gave pasteurized
At night she gave homogenized
Bessie the heifer
The queen of all the cows!
Er, but actually that’s Elsie the Borden Cow there, though. You can tell by the necklace of daisies. When I was a kid I always got those two mixed up.
That’s what I’m talking about. Speed for Zombies.
Q: What’s Speed for Zombies?
A: Oh, about three miles per hour.
This reminds me of the Hemo-Boy character from Michael T. Gilbert’s Mr. Monster comics, since Hemo-Boy was based on an old ad for Borden’s Hemo tonic.
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