TOM THE DANCING BUG: News of the Times: Romney Admits, "I AM a Corporation"!

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  1. “Corporations are people, my friend”“No, they’re not!”
    “Of course they are. Everything corporations earn ultimately goes to people. Where do you think it goes?”

    But accuracy and speaker’s meaning are less important than a joke.

    1. Everything corporations earn ultimately goes to people.

      If capital is reinvested in, say, R&D or expansion, it’s possible that “ultimately” might be in the far-flung future.  Answering “where do you think it goes” with merely “payroll” and “shareholder dividends” is a bit simplistic.

    2.  Considering that he said, “Corporations are people,”  when he meant “Corporations are composed of people,” and that he said, “I like being able to fire people,” when he meant, “I like being able to fire corporations,” then accurately: he doesn’t seem to know the difference between corporations and people.

    3.  Where does the money go?  Uhm, the Government?   Eventually all the money winds up there.   If you extend your definition of “Corporation” just a bit to include governments, then you could just as easily say, “Everything people earn eventually goes to the corporations”.  It’s the circle of life, death and taxes.

    4. Who are you quoting here, beyond the first sentence? Or do you just write everything in quotes, to maximize confusion for the reader? Everything corporations earn goes to people. That means that corporations really are people in the same way that children really are candy, because everything my kids earn in allowance goes to buying candy. Similar logic also yields the corollary (see proof below): “Kevin Costner was nominated for the 2003 Tony Award for Best Actress (Musical) in ‘Man of La Mancha’, even though he wasn’t even in that musical.”  

      Good point, whomever-you’re-quoting!

      [Solution: Kevin Costner was in ‘Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves’ alongside Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, and the theme song by Bryan Adams went, “Everything I do, I do it for you.” Therefore, Kevin Costner is Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio (because everything he did went to her). And Mastrantonio was nominated for the 2003 Tony. QED.]

  2. “Look, a corporation running for President was inevitable, it cuts out the middleman!”

    Don’t blame me, I voted for Pepsi.

  3. Hmmm.  Interesting idea.  I’m going to start a corporation and file for some office.  The company’s charter will stipulate that if the company wins office, all shares will be put up for auction to the highest bidder.  The company would have to wait 35 years before it could run for president, though.

    1. The last panel doubled the humor value. I laughed for 30 seconds. Then I kept laughing as I realized no matter what where screwed.

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