Stolen bench found in shed

Anders Larsson of Pulman's Weekly News reports that a park bench recently missing from its usual spot in was found in a shed in Colyton, England.

A local man launched a private investigation and ultimately located the seat "not too far from where it had been stolen from," said parish council clark Liz Berry. Locals suspect the shed may be used as "a gathering place for people drinking alcohol." [Photo via Graham Linehan and Viz]

• [Rotwang]

  Our long national nightmare is finally over.

• [Riley Rileyy]

  In other news: Yesterday some Hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shaftesbury.

  • [Nathan Robinson]

    No one knows what it’s like – to be a dust bin — in Shaftesbury with hooligans.

• [marek]

  Thanks for bringing this to my attention!

• [bbmcrae]

  People? Drinking? Shed? Bench? It’s the end of the world!

  • [SomeGuyNamedMark]

     The next day’s headline was worse, “Colyton housewife runs out of sugar for tea!”

• [Lobster]

  Thank GOODNESS.

• [Robert]

  Thank God! Now can we go after those vicious gangs of Keep Left signs?

  • [SomeGuyNamedMark]

     I’m more concerned about those granny biker gangs

• [Uncle Wilco]

  the shed is getting the bad press with this story…

• [Patrick McGorrill]

  Read more closely! This is a bench made to honor the deceased Vincent Cope (DEAD 1998!) and the shed is not just any shed but is in fact known to be an OLD ABBATOIR. It’s probably best the locals are left with their naiveté but I think those IN THE KNOW can see the tell tale signs of a not-at-all-boring DEATH CULT. If they’re drinking anything back there, they’re probably drinking the blood of a sacrificial lamb or whatever as they make garbling raucous prayers in the terrible demon tongue which their awful fetish demands. WHAT INTRIGUING HORROR!

• [such pretty colors]

  Someone posted a similar news story in the Etsy forums back in 2006 or 07, seems like there were pigeons involved?  The dozens of deadpan comments were the funniest thing I’ve ever read.  I wish I could find it again.  Sadly, this article has no comments so far.

• [Cameron Postelwait]

  the pump don’t work cuz the vandals took the handle.

• [robdobbs]

  And I’d do it again! (Anders’ dad is a jerk)

• [allybeag]

  Sounds like the headline story in one of our local rags recently, in which it was reported that a car had skidded, but had sustained no damage; no other vehicles were involved and neither the driver nor the passenger was injured.

  • [Rob Beschizza]

    If you could get me a scan, I will make you FAMOUS.

    • [allybeag]

       Ah… I suspect the newspaper in question is long gone in the recycling process by now. And it’s such an old-fashioned paper that they don’t have an online version. However… it’s famous for having very little real news to report, and articles like this crop up all the time, so I’ll keep my eyes peeled and let you know about the next one, complete with scan.

      (Famous? I’d rather be famous for my writing, or my photography, or my music, than for pointing out an amusing newspaper article!)

      • [Rob Beschizza]

        Please do! 

        The trick is to post it to your own blog, with the stories and shots, and then the law of the internet means I have to link to it!

• [Joseph Francis]

  I suspect Arthur “Two Sheds” Jackson was involved somehow.

• [Preston Sturges]

  It’s pretty cool that the headline is above the fold.

  But what really makes this story special is the big advert for “Powerbilt Buildings” at the bottom of this page, because clearly everyone at BoingBoing is in the market for a first class shed.

• [awjt]

  Why the fuck did they spend 180 billion on CCTVs then?  There should be one for every park bench.

• [self-propelled]

  Rob, you’ve credited the photo to “Graham Lineman” but it should be Linehan.

  • [awjt]

    DYAC!!!

• [Discord]

  HEY, YOU!! STAY OUTTA MAH SHED!!

• [Beanolini]

  Similarly, the front page story on my local paper this week was ‘Stolen locket left on doorstep’.

• [thegibbshow]

  Let the conspiracy theories begin.

• [Jay Pasquantonio]

  Why didn’t they just run the headline, “New Pub Opens In Colyton” ?