"More Awesome Than A Monkey In A Bacon Tuxedo Riding A Cyborg Unicorn With A Lightsaber For The Horn On The Tip Of A Space Shuttle Closing In On Mars, While Engulfed In Flames."

Robbo sez, "The title for the article is just a portion of an amazing thank you letter from a primary school student in Austin, Texas - sent to a local weatherman who visited the class. Includes a drawing of a unicorn delivering donuts."

'I will not make you a slave, you will live in my 200 story [sic] castle where unicorn servants will feed you doughnuts off their horns,' Flint wrote.

'I will personally make you a throne that is half platnum and half solid gold and jewel encrested [sic].'

The student, whose age is uncertain, proved he may have a career in creative writing ahead of him if either the meteorology or world domination do not work out as planned.

In fulsome praise, Flint said Ramon was 'more awesome than a monkey wearing a tuxedo made out of bacon riding a cyborg unicorn with a lightsaber for the horn on the tip of a space shuttle closing in on Mars, while ingulfed in flames'.

Flint added: 'And in case you didn't know that's pretty dang sweet.'

'More awesome than a monkey in a bacon tuxedo' - child's letter goes viral (Thanks, Robbo!)

(Image: Flint)


  1. Err, I know it’s in the linked content and not the actual post text, but since when do Brits get to brand an American’s use of the term “story” as “[sic]?”

    Stay on your side of the spelling pond! 

    1.  I’m going to jump in an aeroplane [sic], fly over there, and kick the author’s arse [sic]!

      1. Isn’t a 200 story building exactly the same in the US vs. Britain? I was under the impression that only the floor numbering was different – i.e. in a 200 story building, the top story is the 199th floor in the UK, but 200th floor in the US.

          1. This may be shocking, but “story” is the original spelling of the word. Brits decided to add an extra e because, presumably, they have a fondness for vowels and the French.

            Both meanings were derived from the Anglo-Latin historia.

  2. ‘I will personally make you a throne that is half platnum and half solid gold and jewel encrested [sic].’ with chair arms that slightly resemble willies.

  3. Har har! Oh man, if only they’d worked a horde of mustachioed zombies on fixies in there somewhere! So close, bro!

    Fake. If not fake, then this child is the sad result of all those fucking hipsters’ fucking.

    I’ll take Audri any day.

    1.  Mm. Don’t know if I’d go so far as to cry “fake,” but to me it seems more sad than anything else, that a little kid’s notions of awesomeness should all be so… secondhand.

      1. I’m curious about what can possibly be “sad” or “secondhand” about this? Monkeys, bacon, tuxedos, unicorns, mars, fire, and lightsabers are all universally regarded as awesomesauce. Should the kid have delved into the 18th c French philosophy for references that are obscure enough to satisfy you?  Or should he have invented is own fantastic creature that … Idunno, has the qualities of a unicorn, bacon, monkeys and a rocket ship all rolled into one? Because it would be really great if he could come up with something that imaginative. 

        What’s sad is the assumption that if a kid produces something better than you have that it must be fake, or otherwise worthy of scorn.  

        You don’t have to be a happy mutant to browse Boing Boing, but … really, why the hell else would you even be here?

        1.  Monkeys, bacon, tuxedos, unicorns, mars, fire, and lightsabers are all universally regarded as awesomesauce

          …by grown-ups on the Internet.

          Think back to when you were a child. Did you buy into what your parents thought was cool? Or did you have your own ideas about what constituted awesomeness, your own set of cultural referents?

          Should Boing Boing, of all things, be in the business of dictating what nine-year old kids should think is cool? Shouldn’t kids be figuring coolness out and deciding for themselves what’s awesome?

          Isn’t that what being a Happy Mutant is all about — thinking for yourself? Or is it about subscribing to a set of shibboleths (comic books! bacon! ukuleles! bananas! pirates!)?

          If the latter, then count me out.

          Listen: My kids are into all kinds of stuff that I just don’t get. I try to listen to the music, try to get into the comics, watch the shows, read the Web sites, and I just have no clue. Can’t get a handle on it.

          And that, I think, is healthy. That, I think, is as it should be.

        2. (Jack more than ably defended himself, but since I went to all the trouble to type up a reply while he was busy saying it so much better, I’m gonna go ahead and leave this here anyway.)

          “Monkeys, bacon, tuxedos, unicorns, mars, fire, and lightsabers are all universally regarded as awesomesauce.”

          I dunno, Zadaz. The universe is a pretty big place. I don’t want to put words in Jack’s mouth, so just speaking for myself, maybe I have different opinions from yours on what constitute the compulsory elements of cool. Or maybe the point is there ARE no compulsory elements. I’m old enough to remember a time when a child’s enthusiasm could be expressed in more personal, original ways than simply name-checking a list of preapproved hipster memes.

          Like that kid Audri the other day, with the Rube Goldberg machine. That joy felt authentic; this reads like a kid who’s used to angling for the approval of “cool” parents — you know, the ones who force mohawks on their kids to go with the Sex Pistols onesies. I think “sad” was the perfect adjective.

          …But you used the word “awesomesauce,” so I imagine you’ll remain unconvinced. ;)

      2. I think we’re reading way too much into this here.

        If we all back away from the exegesis slowly and keep our hands where they can be seen, no one will get hurt.

  4. The dude sitting down in the picture has an enormous…um, chair arm? Is that what it is? Either I have become a pervert or the last two posts with pictures on bOING bOING have been very suggestive. Maybe both.

  5. I think we have the idea for our next Boing Boing T-Shirt. 

    In other news, I’m quitting my job at Boing Boing and hiring this kid to take my place.

  6. Why is everyone so excited over this? The kid can’t even get the # of legs on a unicorn right! Has he never seen…

    Umm, never mind.

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