Ride out the apocalypse with tinned sammiches

Discuss

79 Responses to “Ride out the apocalypse with tinned sammiches”

  1. macegr says:

    I did not realize the BLINK tag still worked on modern browsers.

  2. suburbanhick says:

    I’m just trying to figure out what the most horrifying aspect of this is: The sandwiches, or the idea behind them. They both give me the willies!

    • kerry says:

      I’m more horrified by the promise of a “candy surprise inside,” per the side of the can. WTF candy in my candwich?

  3. Stefan Jones says:

    The last time Boing Boing posted about this, the story included some interesting business details:

     http://boingboing.net/2010/07/12/candwich-sandwich-in.html

  4. Ah, Army food!  Recognized the world ’round as haute cuisine.

  5. C.J. Hayes says:

    There’s only 3-5 ounces of food in those cans, that is not ideal for a survival situation.  The bread is probably very light, and it should be dense.  Plus, each can is like $2.50, which works out to around $8-12 per pound.

    • Stefan Jones says:

      Yup.

      You’d be better off maintaining a rotating stock of jam, peanut butter, potted meat and crackers.

      I’m sure you can get shelf-stable crackers really cheap. Not as tasty as fresh fluffy bread, but I doubt those canned buns will be very good either.

    • FEMA was handing out the real disaster preparedness version of this product at the ration distribution centers after Hurricane Ike. The bread slices were incredibly dense and came in sealed, foil-backed plastic. The peanut butter was all natural with no emulsifiers, so you had to remix it by kneading the brown plastic tubes it came in. The jelly was just commercial stuff in packets larger than, but similar to, ketchup packets. Plus there was a bunch of commercial stuff that kept well that FEMA probably bought as overstocks.

      Didn’t have a FEMA  POD nearby, but my gf at the time had one just around the corner and she really needed it, area was without power for many days and traffic was rerouted around a bridge that was thought to be damaged.

      Everyone got tired of their FEMA rations, so I ended up taking two boxes home from my gf and her neighbors. Best peanut butter I ever had.

    • SomeGuyNamedMark says:

       Plus nausea and diarrhea is not ideal for a survival situation either.

    • Bangorian says:

      Pre-Post-apocalyptic price gouging is a drag.

  6. Ceronomus says:

    $17 for four CANNED sandwiches? These people are obviously VERY high. You know…if the conept of a canned PB&J hadn’t already made that crystal clear.

  7. George Michaelson says:

    You know its a USA thing when it gets to PBJ and the rest of us in the free world wonder what seventh ring of hell satan was riding through when he decided to marry perfectly good jam with aflotoxin riddled, anaphalaxys inducing ground nut paste…

    • sam1148 says:

      George Washington Carver is often credited with inventing peanut butter, debatable, but he popularized the product as a use for the peanut crops.
      He was a black scientist working at the Tuskegee Institute for uses for crops other than cotton after a cotton blight (the boil weavle) which collapsed the local economy.
      It’s high in protein and easy to digest, making it a great food for storable lunches with bread, and the jam or honey for energy and sugars.

    • noah django says:

       if peanut butter is wrong, then i don’t want to be right!  willful food-based nationalism!  USA!  USA!

    • Blinkers says:

       If that’s how you’re going to describe the wonder that is peanut butter then you’ve definitely got your own issues to worry about and shouldn’t be concerning yourself with “a USA thing”.

  8. SoItBegins says:

    “…the bread stays as soft and sweet after one-year in storage as it did the day it was made!”

    Which means it’s exactly as hard as it was to begin with.

  9. Candwich BBQ Chicken goes better with Captain Morgan’s than coke.  It’s the only way to get loaded, imo.

  10. ROSSINDETROIT says:

    I know this is an awful thing but I sort of want to own one.  Just as a gag.  In two of the three common senses of the term.
    But I swear, if one of these had bacon in it someone somewhere would be taking it seriously.

  11. James says:

    Needs a Bacon, Egg, & Cheese Canwich

    • suburbanhick says:

      Perhaps a SpamCanwich?
      Mmm…twice-canned mystery meat!

      • BombBlastLightingWaltz says:

        The poor animals that earn the token ‘mystery meat’. Living a distend   life  of packages, canned items and pate spears. To nourish the post-apocalyptic human establishment that made it a quantified product in the first place. Canwich of irony more like.

  12. PhosPhorious says:

    Apparently, it comes disassembled.

    Design fail.

    • Warren_Terra says:

      I hadn’t noticed this. This spoils the whole thing for me.

      (not that I was ever to buy one, other than as a joke – and I’m not in Utah).

      • suburbanhick says:

        Oh, come on – you need SOMEthing to do to pass all those hours in the bomb shelter. Hell, by the end of the first week you’ll be fighting over who gets to make the canwich today!
        “Mom, it’s MY turn today. Cindy did it yesterday!”
        “You kids just SHUT UP, or I swear I’ll throw you both out into the post-apocalyptic wasteland!”

    • Sekino says:

       That sucks. Most of the appeal for me was imagining a perfectly shaped, roly-poly little sandwich popping out of the can like one of these joke spring-loaded snakes. Boo.

      • suburbanhick says:

        I wonder if they’d poke you in the eye when they spring out, like poor Homer and the springy snake. DOH!

  13. suburbanhick says:

    “Healthy fast food,”
    Well that tells you just about all you need to know right there, really.

  14. technogeekagain says:

    I used  to have an Air Raid Shelter-style sealed tray of stuffed cabbage, which I picked up at a fundraising auction. Sat on the shelf for many more years; finally got eaten during a period when I was too busy to go shopping. I honestly wouldn’t mind having a few dozen more of those on hand;  better than a lot of canned food I’ve tasted, and very space-efficient (assuming you and/or your friends are willing to eat that much of it once you do open it).

    There’s something to be said for emergency/convenience reserves even if you don’t expect disasters.

    • technogeekagain says:

       (Having said that: Canned _white_ bread? Yecch. If you’re going to do canned bread, do something that’s got some density to it and actually benefits from being steamed somewhat during cooking.)

  15. apoxia says:

    This bread is “sweet”? Blech.

    • EvilSpirit says:

       Quite possibly related to the fact that it keeps for a year. Sugar acts as a preservative by keeping moisture unavailable to bacteria. Same principle’s at work in the jelly.

  16. Doug Dawson says:

    I find it interesting that they’re only available  online – or in Utah retail stores.

    • Warren_Terra says:

      The story appears simply to be that the company making them (and trying to convince people there’s a market, other than as a gag gift) is in Utah. 

      Shame, because it would be hilarious if these were made elsewhere and were inexplicably popular in Utah.

      • zarray says:

        Mormons have a thing that after being run out the east coast the church decided it was a moral prerogative to keep a years worth of rations and practice self-sufficiency. 

        • Warren_Terra says:

          Well, sure, I’ve heard that, but as has been pointed out numerous times upthread buying these “candwiches” simply isn’t a sensible way to build a store of emergency provisions. They’re ludicrously overpriced, they’re not space-efficient for the nutrition, they’re not convenient, and on these and other grounds they’re not even a very good way to store PB&J sandwiches.

          • zarray says:

            Yeah, I’ve been thinking about this, and I can totally see these being set up around the register in the provision store the same way bubblegum is in a regular grocery store. Or mommy is looking through the cannery catalog, sees these in an ad and thinks that these would be ‘fun’ for the kids.

            Really though, the entire line of conception, production, and consumption is not thought out.

  17. Halloween Jack says:

    The Onion AV Club review. Verdict: kind of underwhelming.

  18. zeppo says:

    Mmmmm … that’s great Candwich!

  19. skyhawk1 says:

    $17?! Does it come with a couple of phattys?

  20. pjcamp says:

    Not unless there’s peanut butter and mutant banana.

    By the way, didn’t we talk about blink tags back in the 90′s? I think we did and we all decided they’re evil.

    Maybe you were in the bathroom.

    • voiceinthedistance says:

      I feel cheated.  Nothing’s blinking for me in Safari.  Do I need to fire up VirtualBox and run IE6 for the full immersive Canwich experience?

      • Warren_Terra says:

        According to the page source, there’s a Blink Tag around “disaster preparedness”, the last two words in the first paragraph of the post.

        I’m not seeing any blinking in Chrome, on my Windows laptop.

      • pjcamp says:

         No!

        Apple is converting the experience into something they approve of? You have a filtered and edited version of the Internet? Say it ain’t so! Surely Steve would let you see reality without rose colored glasses.

        Reckon what else they don’t think you need to know?

      • siloxane says:

         The blink tag is a non-standard element — I don’t believe it has ever been supported in either Safari or Internet Explorer.

      •  Even if blank tags went away there are still animgifs and Flash.

  21. Cicada Mania says:

    I’m getting heartburn just thinking about it. I’ve tried bread in a can from Japan in the past, but that didn’t contain meat.

  22. chicamarie says:

    Why can I not find an ingredient list anywhere?  Knowing it has about a quarter of the day’s fat ration is one thing, but I want to see all those multisyllabic words laid out in long form.

  23. SomeGuyNamedMark says:

    And if you tire of pb&j you can get a canned cheesburger:
    http://www.cheeseburgerinacan.com/

    Ummmm!  Check out the review!
    http://www.avclub.com/articles/taste-test-cheeseburger-in-a-can,2183/

  24. Justin Kalm says:

    Maybe it’s my diet talking, but I’d kind of like to try one.

  25. WinstonSmith2012 says:

    I’ll tell you what sure sold me on these.  It was that “the special Army formulated recipe.”  Mmmmmmm…

    • zarray says:

      They were developed to be dropped into enemy territory to cause mass demoralization.

    • Halloween Jack says:

       Real army MREs (the descendants of C rations) are probably much, much better than these.

      • bytefyre says:

        I’ve had MRE’s before(one of the scout leaders works with the CF and I’m told they “fell off a truck”). When I was a venturer  a few years ago we went to Algonquin park and we cooked some over a fire in a pot hanging on a stick after slogging through a 1.2 km (I don’t know if that’s actually long to some people but it was a nightmare to me)portage and an hour canoeing through a swamp, after ya’ know the 6 other portages (though the longest of those was only 750 meters I think) I don’t know who looked at the map and thought our canoe trip should have more carrying than canoeing but it wasn’t me. The point being they are mercifully easy to prepare and surprisingly tasty, I had my doubts for sure. But they made that hellish day (which was the 5th or so of a seven day journey, we hopped camp sites) a bit more bearable.

        • penguinchris says:

           Your description of a canoe trip in Algonquin is hilarious to me (and way off topic, but oh well), as someone who has done maybe 30-40 trips there over the years. I went to a summer camp in the park from ages 7-15, and worked as staff several summers; I did at least 2-3 canoe trips a summer and I’ve been almost everywhere in the park.

          If you think a 1200 m portage was rough… you hardly went anywhere worth going :) But yeah, unless you’re in great shape (which I never have been) any portage over 250 m or so can be nightmarish, and over 1500 m it’s hellish (I’ve done 5-6 km ones – within Algonquin – and 3 km ones are fairly common). At the camp I went to, we used wooden canoes (which are heavy) carried solo (one per staff member) and never doubled-back – everything was carried across in one go.

          The thing is though that despite hating it at first, I came to enjoy the break that portaging gives you from paddling. In places other than Algonquin, canoe trips typically involve way more paddling than portaging (and I’ve done that kind of trip) and for me it’s almost unbearably tedious. Canoeing is pleasurable and great in many ways, but when used as a mode of transport it gets old fast.

  26. bagoombah says:

    On the third day, which just happened to be a Sunday, BLINK rose from the dead and preached to his followers that he was to be made redundant.  And so be it that on the following Thursday, BLINK left for the bus station after vowing to his followers that one day he would return and lead them to the promised code.  As he passed from site, he was heard to exclaim that his return would signal the end of days and for his follows look for the sign.  Is this the sign?  Praise be to BLINK!  Burn the unbelievers!

  27. Those are organic, right?

  28. alxr says:

    The bread is soft and SWEET? Is it some kind of brioche? Because I’m not sure I want ‘BBQ chicken’ in a sweet bread when fresh, let alone once transformed into some tinned abomination.

  29. I actually got samples of this when it came out and put a video together for the newspaper I was working for at the time. The sandwiches were actually not all that bad.

    http://youtu.be/PYgPH820bBk

  30. Cowicide says:

    Throw a bunch of these cans, soda, an Xbox and a few fleshlights in a basement and you could keep trolls down there for years.

  31. costeau says:

    Keeping five of these in the trunk of the car could come in handy, along with a Strawberry Shortcake-themed inflatable nuclear shelter…

Leave a Reply