This church scandal in Russia involves Photoshop, and a disappearing $30K watch

You can tell by the pixels: The Russian Orthodox Church is accused of Photoshopping a photo on their website of Patriarch Kirill I to "disappear" a $30,000 watch. The church leader has previously said that the watch does not exist.

Where a Breguet timepiece once existed, the 'shoop extended his black sleeve, but the sloppy 'shooper failed to address the reflection of the watch on the table. The church dismissed the discrepancy as a “technical mistake,” and has since published a version of the photo which includes the Swiss timepiece. The Patriarchate vowed to investigate the image manipulation, and said "the guilty ones will be punished severely".

Cropped details of both versions are shown above.

Patriarch Kirill still insists he never wore the watch, and that the photo which shows him wearing it was altered. Of course!

More in the New York Times, BBC News, and the Associated Press. Russian bloggers are creating image macros and artful remixes, including this one, below, in which everything but that tell-tale watch reflection is gone.

The moral of this story: $30K will buy you a lot of high-quality Photoshop. Skip the bling, and hire a more competent photo retoucher to absolve your worldly sins.

Boing Boing editor/partner and tech culture journalist Xeni Jardin hosts and produces Boing Boing's in-flight TV channel on Virgin America airlines (#10 on the dial), and writes about living with breast cancer. Diagnosed in 2011. @xeni on Twitter. email: xeni@boingboing.net.

MORE: corruption • politics • religion • russia • watch

More at Boing Boing

Eurovision 2013: An American in London

The technology that links taxonomy and Star Trek

http://twitter.com/MrAaronSwainEsq Aaron Swain

Now THAT is a PsD!
kiar

In Russia watch reflects you reflects watch Russia in.
Sagodjur

My $200 phone has more functionality than a $30k watch. Apparently God wants you to know the time, but not the weather, when you have an appointment scheduled, if someone is trying to get in touch with you, or to play Angry Birds.
- wrybread
  
  It seems to me that the primary function of a $30k watch is to cost $30k… Cellphones still have a ways to go, but I’m sure they’ll catch up.
  - jerwin
    
    That page appears to be written in a language that’s not entirely unlike English.
- retepslluerb
  
  No kidding.
  
  Also, crowns usually make really bad hats (let the rain through, you know?), a Lamborghini doesn’t get you faster through Manhattan than a Buick and lynx displays boing boing just fine.
  - Ambiguity
    
    Lynx (and w3m, which I prefer) may display BB just fine (at least the text parts), but you can’t make comments when using it).
  - http://www.lightning-rose.com/ LightningRose
    
    Where I live a Lambo could get me places faster than my current set of wheels.
    - MB44
      
      Sounds like you need to found a religion and pick one up. Just don’t drive it around lakes in case you need to photoshop it out of the picture to prove that you’re not just a corrupt charlatan.
      - http://www.lightning-rose.com/ LightningRose
        
        I’ve thought about it, but as an atheist I’m just too moral to steal from the delusional.
- RJ
  
  It’s just another yawning canyon between practicality and “cool.”
- zarray
  
  I hope the watch lasts longer than the phone.
flickerKuu

So the priest has a $30,000 watch? No wonder the commies tried to stomp out religion. Shows you how much of a joke/lie it is. Please give to the poor- my poor wrist.
- Ambiguity
  
  He’s a bishop and his personal fortune is estimated north of $4 billion.
  
  This is Russia, where the commies are the richest!
  - flickerKuu
    
    From the Time’s article : “A gross violation of our internal ethics has occurred, and it will be
    thoroughly investigated,” the church said in a statement. “The guilty will be severely punished.”
    
    Yeah- punish the jerkoff WEARING IT!
awjt

They need to stomp out reflection too. It’s a big problem in Russia.
rattypilgrim

Or as it says in the N.T. “By their pixels shall you know them”.
Jonathan Badger

What’s weird about this was that the Patriarch’s handlers wanted to delete the watch in the first place. There’s no oath of poverty required. Much like the Pope, it’s well known that the Patriarch lives a life of luxury unavailable to his flock.
- atimoshenko
  
  Given what the Bible says about wealth, all minstream-ish Christian religious leaders are incredible hypocrites, but there is still a difference between ceremonial wealth (fancy outfits/residences/transportation) and personal luxuries. The Pope with a $30,000 watch would be offensive as well.
  - http://twitter.com/dargaud Guillaume Dargaud
    
    ” The Pope with a $30,000 watch would be offensive as well.”
    
    That’s probably the price of his outfit.
    When I visit most churches in Rome I am disgusted, not awed, by the amount of civilisation that could have been built with all this wealth, had it not been converted to decorative gold to impress the gullibles.
    - zarray
      
      *psst* it’s really brass, the construction guys snuck off with the real stuff.
    - awjt
      
      “Impress” is the wrong word here. It should be something like, “decorative gold to inform the gullibles who their owners are.”
http://www.facebook.com/people/Christopher-Lee/100001074475538 Christopher Lee

Well, in the Silly Hat Wars, I would say that the Russian Orthodox folks just took Hill 13.
- Antinous / Moderator
  
  Pretty much every religious hat you could imagine
  Massive, slow-loading page with way too many photos.
  - Marcelo Teson
    
    What’s awesome is that the hat in question appears 3/4 of the way down the page. Thank you for linking it. I love the silly hats.
    - Antinous / Moderator
      
      It seems clear that Jesus loves pompoms.
      - RJ
        
        We all have our kinks.
  - Mark Dow
    
    Number of photos is just right. Way too many hats.
  - MandoZink
    
    Fine bunch of ridiculous headgear. I suspect the foolishness above the head directly reflects the foolishness within. (former Catholic altar boy, now science educated atheist)
- zeppo
  
  First thing I noticed.
  
  These religious guys, always with the funny hats.
- suburbanhick
  
  Pickelhaube!
http://www.facebook.com/postelwait Cameron Postelwait

they shouldn’t have introduced indulgences and just photoshopped in the rest of that cathedral
http://villings.tumblr.com/ [A]

haha oh reflections! how do they work?
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001420791314 Ivan Pavićević

Religion is the best business in post-communistic Europe. Rising nationalism, and countries fragmentation based on the ethnicity and religion, were first steps toward democracy… And even wars here in former-Yugoslavia…
abstract_reg

What exactly is the problem with an expensive watch anyway. If the Pope had an expensive watch on no one would care, would they? Is there something about Russian Orthodox theology that prohibits the wearing of high priced time pieces? It’s not like he bought it with the church’s money (tell me he didn’t buy it with the church’s money).
- http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001420791314 Ivan Pavićević
  
  maybe “greed” is the answer…
  - abstract_reg
    
    Last I checked owning expensive stuff was not the same thing as greed. Now, if he is expected to take a vow of poverty or something, then all this makes sense, I just have not seen that reported.
    - http://karmic.mishap.myopenid.com/ Karmic Mishap
      
      Owning expensive, useless shit is indeed greedy, and Christians were called by Jesus to give all their possessions away and help the poor. The church has a funny way of interpreting that bit.
      - abstract_reg
        
        But what do you do if your friend gives you an expensive watch? Expensive watches are quite often gifts. What did Jesus do with the frankincense, gold and myrrh?
      - Antinous / Moderator
        
        Presumably, his parents used it to bump somebody else into the manger so they could get a hotel room.
      - wysinwyg
        
        Well, if you’re the primate of a church that extols the virtues of poverty and charity I would think you’d sell it and feed some poor people or something.
- Antinous / Moderator
  
  I can’t imagine the Holy Father wearing a watch. Surely there’s a Papal Horologist who consults the heavens to make sure that he doesn’t show up late for mass.
  - abstract_reg
    
    True enough.
  - http://profiles.google.com/joshuabardwell Joshua Bardwell
    
    I was skimming, and my brain registered the sentence as, “Surely there’s a Paypal Horologist…”
    - awjt
      
      Where does the Pope keep his funny hat? In a Papal bag! ba-dump-bump!
http://meander61.blogspot.com/ Meander, ridendos nihil est

Wow, it’s true: the higher in religion you go, the sillier the hat.
- awjt
  
  God looks like Carmen Miranda.
http://www.lightning-rose.com/ LightningRose

On the positive side, that’s $30K he doesn’t have to spend causing actual damage to humanity.
CygnusXII

That’s why the Monks were made to be celibate, so that their inheritances reverted to the Mother Church, instead of to their Families. Now I could be wrong but I read that somewhere in my younger years, when studying the History of the Roman Catholic Church. How else was the RCC going to hold onto it’s vast fortunes, if the married monks were giving away their monies to their families upon death. There’s no Business better than Religion, other than Bootlegging. Two things that are sure fire sellers in troubled times, God & Booze!

I always wondered why God needed Fancy Churches, and Robes and Vestments and the like? Does it help with prayer reception? Maybe one day, future archaeologist will tell of the riches and wonders buried under the Vatican.
- http://twitter.com/dargaud Guillaume Dargaud
  
  ” Maybe one day, future archaeologist will tell of the riches and wonders buried under the Vatican.”
  
  Well, for one thing we already know that the most complete porn collection in the world is there. Nicknamed ‘The Hell’, it’s the collection of every book ever banned by the church, going back centuries. Access is _very_ restricted to scholars.
  - zarray
    
    But most of that stuff is really dull theology wonk, such as ‘Jesus was man, then God’ or a listing of extra (or too few) ranks of angels.
ill lich

Is miracle, yes? Will be sainthood for blessed patriarch of motherland.
bardfinn

The primary purpose of a $30,000 watch is to keep some Swiss employed.

Repeater watches are the utter pinnacle of gadgetry. You push a button, tiny gongs ring out Westminster chiming, and you know the time.

Unfortunately they’re usually packaged in 18k gold and straps made from leather hand-tanned from Kobe cattle, or some such utter rarity, and the price tag sometimes does not include scheduled maintenance (yes, $30,000 watches require tuning and oil changes).

Or I could buy a $5 Casio with a repeater function. $29,950 buys a lot of meals for starving children.
- Antinous / Moderator
  
  I bought a really nice alarm clock a couple of decades ago and the damn thing was in the shop every month. The $5 plastic one from the drugstore’s been running for fifteen years. Ugly never dies.
- http://profile.yahoo.com/DA5RKDCZ6ABBYORAPYYA4CYYPA yahoo-DA5RKDCZ6ABBYORAPYYA4CYYPA
  
  And it leaves $45 for vice-tastic fun!
Artificial Kid

Wait wait woah, Boing Boing. You don’t get to run this mocking article AND run expensive watch ads. Do you?
- Antinous / Moderator
  
  It’s a post about a photoshop disaster, not the ethics of clerical swag.
  - guanto
    
    Well, if it is, the “skip the bling” quip directly contradicts that.
- wysinwyg
  
  So what you’re saying is that the Patriarch’s watch is just part of a advertising deal between the Russian Orthodox church and Breguet?
  
  Because otherwise your criticism doesn’t make very much sense.
zuben

Wait a sec–is that Barbara Streisand’s watch? ‘Cause it seems to be telling the same time.
h4x0r

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNkkko4vlBs&t=73s
Robert Weaver

I dunno. Russians and their profligate watch removal photo-manipulation!
The._.Joker

I’m tired of all you Boingers dissing the great artists of our day.

Most philistines just don’t ‘get’ the Patriarch, one of the worlds premier surrealists, that’s why he deliberately left the reflection of the watch on the table surface in the artwork.

This piece is called “The Impossibility of the Concept of Bling in the Mind of Someone Without Thirty Thousand Dollars in Spare Change”

It’s a meditation reflecting the poverty of our imagination when we experience time but we can’t see it.

It’s deep yo.
Snig

In the patriarch’s defense, he probably has a retinue of servants who dress him, so he may not be aware of what’s on his wrists. That’s probably how the silly hat thing started, a disgruntled servant put it on his head, and no one was brave enough to point out the silliness of his gold spangled beanie, so everyone got used to it after a couple centuries.
http://floatboth.com MyFreeWeb

Putin said the white ribbons of the election protest were condoms. This guy’s hat is more like one.
Alen Shapiro

Upon reflection, they have changed their minds!
DewiMorgan

Poor guy isn’t even allowed to express himself in his bling.

In America, you just wear your watch.

In Soviet Russia, just watch where you’re you!
BombBlastLightingWaltz

His lid looks like a grand dragon.